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New tune: "Don't Let Me Down, Moses" - Feedback appreciated!


phoam18

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Nice folky vibe to it. Lyrically, there are a couple of things that you might consider changing.

 

1. The chorus is sung from the first person singular (Don't let ME down Moses) while all the verses are from the first person plural (we, us, etc). That creates a bit of a disconnect for me. I would prefer to see you imagine writing this from one specific person's perspective. The more specific the better...is it a man? a woman? is it someone close to Moses? a family member? what is that person's role relative to Moses? You get the idea.

 

2. It might be worthwhile to try painting a few word pictures to give the listener something they can visualize...for example, instead of "We

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Nice folky vibe to it. Lyrically, there are a couple of things that you might consider changing.

 

1. The chorus is sung from the first person singular (Don't let ME down Moses) while all the verses are from the first person plural (we, us, etc). That creates a bit of a disconnect for me. I would prefer to see you imagine writing this from one specific person's perspective. The more specific the better...is it a man? a woman? is it someone close to Moses? a family member? what is that person's role relative to Moses? You get the idea.

 

2. It might be worthwhile to try painting a few word pictures to give the listener something they can visualize...for example, instead of "We

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