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Well guys, I've rediscovered the songwriting forum, and I've been intimidated to put my stuff up because, well, you guys got some great songs...and it's taken me this long to get a Soundclick account. :facepalm: But, it's about time I took the plunge. so...

 

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=969170&songID=7796619

 

drums are Garageband loops, everything else is me. no bass because I was too lazy to put one in, and I don't have a bass guitar.

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Not bad. I like the clean guitar during the verse a lot. It would be cool to read the lyrics. I think I kind of like what you did with the vocals during the chorus. Sounds kind of like a Nirvana-type of riff, but with some classic rock sounding distortion and vox. Sounds cool man.

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Ok. Music, cool, energetic.

 

Vox. A little pitchy in places but a good voice for the music.

 

Arrangement. Entertaining. Got a sort of pop flavor that could have gone in the 60s.

 

Some parts of the song seemed to lack variation and maybe drag a little. Musical hooks and further production could cure this.

 

Lyrics, not bad. I leave the in depth lyrical analysis to those more qualified.

 

Pretty neat little tune overall.

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It would be cool to read the lyrics.

 

 

Funny, because I had this song (musically) floating around for a while, and when I finally put all the pieces together and recorded it, I realized I needed some lyrics, so I listened to it a lot to try and get a melody line going, and just came up with some filler words...they ended up fleshing out...wrote them in about 10 minutes. I kind of feel they're throwaway lyrics, but on the other hand, kind of like the simplicity.

 

You can say what you want to say

You can be who you want to be

You can do what you want to do

You can go where you want to go

Just please say that you know you will go with me

 

You and me

You and me

 

You can dream what you want to dream

You can feel what you want to feel

You can live how you want to live

You can love who you want to love

Just please say that you know you're in love with me

 

You and me...

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this is a deceptively difficult song to sing, and you do pretty good ... i think the "strain" adds to the charm


love the harmonies


love the guitar work towards the end leading to the last "chorus"


nice work

 

 

thanks for all the feedback everyone, and thanks Eclepto Funk for your comments on the vocals. I've always struggled with my singing, and I know it's pitchy in places, but I'm going to have to live with it, I think. It's nice to get some positive comments on my singing!

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I tried to listen to this yesterday but Soundclick decided to have a vacation.

 

Your voice just needs more practice is all. I like the timbre and resonance of your voice.

 

I like this tune a lot, but to me this version is a tad on the slow side. I would speed it up a bit, and then of course put bass on it. It has that same kind of Cars vibe I've been trying to get. It's very good and not derivative.

 

I REALLY like the bridge section. Way to break it up, man, nice smooth flow out of it too.

 

Let me know if you would like a free bass line..

 

NOTE: on second listen, I'd cut the intro by one bar, it seems a bit long. Still really like this song!

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I tried to listen to this yesterday but Soundclick decided to have a vacation.


Your voice just needs more practice is all. I like the timbre and resonance of your voice.


I like this tune a lot, but to me this version is a tad on the slow side. I would speed it up a bit, and then of course put bass on it. It has that same kind of Cars vibe I've been trying to get. It's very good and not derivative.


I REALLY like the bridge section. Way to break it up, man, nice smooth flow out of it too.


Let me know if you would like a free bass line..


NOTE: on second listen, I'd cut the intro by one bar, it seems a bit long. Still really like this song!

 

 

Thanks, I appreciate all you said. I agree with the intro...every time I listen to it I cringe when it goes one more measure. I'll try speeding it up, too...like that idea.

Once I get up to speed in ProTools, I'm going to re-record it. I'll consider the offer for a free bass line, too:thu:

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I'll agree that the intro's a bit long, and the vocals are a bit out, but I like the song. It's got a punk-rock simplicity to it, and 'happiness'; it does sound a bit dated, but think about ACDC. They're back on the charts with music that would otherwise be considered dated. I can easily imagine it with beefed up rhythm guitar, and sounding good, but the punchy sound also works.

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