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Cheating at Life


MotleyHart

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Well, I was walking down the grey backstreet

I could feel the cobbles beneath my feet

I aint never ever felt like I would be complete

I try to win at life but they think I cheat

 

Well take it like a man if you got the guts

You wont mind it if you had the nuts

Pray to god that this door will shut

If it doesnt then I dont know what ...

 

Never ever tell me that you love me

We've all been there and done that

No my angel, I must disagree

Just wait until I arrive at ...

 

Well, I was walking down the grey backstreet

I could feel the cobbles beneath my feet

I aint never ever felt like I would be complete

I try to win at life but they think I cheat

 

Satans house, he was expecting me

And he says baby, if we

Dress up real tight, its buy one get one free

One ticket into heaven, one ticket for eternity

 

So you left me with an open book

I never finished writing it, what happened?

All the people I knew have vanished and my head is going thin

Retracing footsteps, to the places I have been

 

Well, I was walking down the grey backstreet

I could feel the cobbles beneath my feet

I aint never ever felt like I would be complete

I try to win at life but they think I cheat

 

Well, I was walking down the grey backstreet

I could feel the cobbles beneath my feet

I aint never ever felt like I would be complete

I try to win at life but they think I cheat

 

I remember what you used to whisper to me

So seductively, so productively

We are societies builders and plumbers, fix my pipes

They used to creak before I met you, you, you

 

Last I saw you, you were fading

The night was young but already it was waning

You gave me a look, like I was degrading

Invading, persuading, like I was the one who did this to you

 

Well, I was walking down the grey backstreet

I could feel the cobbles beneath my feet

I aint never ever felt like I would be complete

I try to win at life but they think I cheat

 

Like father like son, my father used to say

He ended up in a prison the very next day

He'd use to tell me life was tiring, he was tired of it

It was so taxing, he was ready to submit

 

Well, I was never the victim of his homicide

And even though they tried to claim it was genocide

My father died there and then anyways, his eyes were hollow

And his brain was gone, he scared me

 

Well, I was walking down the grey backstreet

I could feel the cobbles beneath my feet

I aint never ever felt like I would be complete

I try to win at life but they think I cheat

 

Well, I was walking down the grey backstreet

I could feel the cobbles beneath my feet

I aint never ever felt like I would be complete

I try to win at life but they think I cheat

 

Would it hurt to believe?

Could it hurt to know why you decided to leave?

Am I really so bad

Am I really so glad

To be {censored}in' rid of you and I say

 

Well, I was walking down the grey backstreet

I could feel the cobbles beneath my feet

I aint never ever felt like I would be complete

I try to win at life but they think I cheat

 

VERSION 2

 

That was a friend on the phone, they said I dont know

Your mothers just died, we need you to come down

And rescue me, from all this agony

Black and red, Blue and white

 

Like father like son, my father used to say

He ended up in a prison the very next day

He'd use to tell me life was tiring, he was tired of it

It was so taxing, he was ready to submit

 

Well, I was walking down the grey backstreet

I could feel the cobbles beneath my feet

I aint never ever felt like I would be complete

I try to win at life but they think I cheat

 

Well, I was never the victim of his homicide

And even though they tried to claim it was genocide

My father died there and then anyways, his eyes were hollow

And his brain was gone, he scared me

 

Well take it like a man if you got the guts

You wont mind it if you had the nuts

Pray to god that this door will shut

If it doesnt then I dont know what ...

 

Well, I was walking down the grey backstreet

I could feel the cobbles beneath my feet

I aint never ever felt like I would be complete

I try to win at life but they think I cheat

 

Satans house, his door is open

He says to come on in, you and him

I asked him if it was alright to make myself at home

He said no, and he condemned us to roam, the world until we find

A foolproof guide, a place to stay and a place to lie

No more tickets, to heaven, for neither you or me

No eternity, in bliss

 

So you left me with an open book

I never finished writing it, what happened?

All the people I knew have vanished and my head is going thin

Retracing footsteps, to the places I have been

 

Well, I was walking down the grey backstreet

I could feel the cobbles beneath my feet

I aint never ever felt like I would be complete

I try to win at life but they think I cheat

 

I remember what you used to whisper to me

So seductively, so productively

We are societies builders and plumbers, fix my pipes

Father, wont you find somewhere else to hide?

 

Last I saw you, you were fading

The night was young but already it was waning

You gave me a look, like I was degrading

Invading, persuading, like I was the one who did this to you

 

Well, I was walking down the grey backstreet

I could feel the cobbles beneath my feet

I aint never ever felt like I would be complete

I try to win at life but they think I cheat

 

Would it hurt to believe?

Could it hurt to know why you decided to leave?

Am I really so bad

Am I really so glad

To be {censored}in' rid of you and I say

 

A little mouth to mouth

Some words whispered in haste

Could ruin my day, I dont want to play

The wrong cards in ways, they do not go

Like a jigsaw puzzle, and on the radio

I hear your name, 'First news scope'

They call your a murderer, they say your the devil himself

But thats not true father, the devil locked us out

 

No no no,

 

Well, I was walking down the alleyways

Thinking of something I could say

I turn to the skies and I think of you

Black and red, White and blue

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Well, I was walking down the grey backstreet

I could feel the cobbles beneath my feet

I aint never ever felt like I would be complete

I try to win at life but they think I cheat


Well take it like a man if you got the guts

You wont mind it if you had the nuts

Pray to god that this door will shut

If it doesnt then I dont know what ...


Never ever tell me that you love me

We've all been there and done that

No my angel, I must disagree

Just wait until I arrive at ...


Well, I was walking down the grey backstreet

I could feel the cobbles beneath my feet

I aint never ever felt like I would be complete

I try to win at life but they think I cheat


Satans house, he was expecting me

And he says baby, if we

Dress up real tight, its buy one get one free

One ticket into heaven, one ticket for eternity


So you left me with an open book

I never finished writing it, what happened?

All the people I knew have vanished and my head is going thin

Retracing footsteps, to the places I have been


Well, I was walking down the grey backstreet

I could feel the cobbles beneath my feet

I aint never ever felt like I would be complete

I try to win at life but they think I cheat


Well, I was walking down the grey backstreet

I could feel the cobbles beneath my feet

I aint never ever felt like I would be complete

I try to win at life but they think I cheat


I remember what you used to whisper to me

So seductively, so productively

We are societies builders and plumbers, fix my pipes

They used to creak before I met you, you, you


Last I saw you, you were fading

The night was young but already it was waning

You gave me a look, like I was degrading

Invading, persuading, like I was the one who did this to you


Well, I was walking down the grey backstreet

I could feel the cobbles beneath my feet

I aint never ever felt like I would be complete

I try to win at life but they think I cheat


Like father like son, my father used to say

He ended up in a prison the very next day

He'd use to tell me life was tiring, he was tired of it

It was so taxing, he was ready to submit


Well, I was never the victim of his homicide

And even though they tried to claim it was genocide

My father died there and then anyways, his eyes were hollow

And his brain was gone, he scared me


Well, I was walking down the grey backstreet

I could feel the cobbles beneath my feet

I aint never ever felt like I would be complete

I try to win at life but they think I cheat


Well, I was walking down the grey backstreet

I could feel the cobbles beneath my feet

I aint never ever felt like I would be complete

I try to win at life but they think I cheat


Would it hurt to believe?

Could it hurt to know why you decided to leave?

Am I really so bad

Am I really so glad

To be {censored}in' rid of you and I say


Well, I was walking down the grey backstreet

I could feel the cobbles beneath my feet

I aint never ever felt like I would be complete

I try to win at life but they think I cheat

 

 

well, the first thing I'll say is I have no idea what this song is about. Not really getting a picture or a story. It seems like you've taken pieces of things you've written here and there and pieced them together. the rhyming seems forced to me. Maybe if you relax that a bit, it won't feel so constrained.

Now, with that said, you've got some great lines in here:

 

 

Like father like son, my father used to say

He ended up in a prison the very next day

 

 

fantastic. It's precise, and gives us a story along with a history. nicely done.

 

 

Would it hurt to believe?

Could it hurt to know why you decided to leave?

Am I really so bad

Am I really so glad

To be {censored}in' rid of you and I say

 

 

this is good, has potential...I would flesh this idea out a lot more. maybe even with the father/son thing--expand on that and keep the song to that idea, because right now I'm not sure there is a unifying idea/theme. Seems to me the core is about a lover who left, but then there's Satan, plumbers, your dad, and exploring your past.

 

sorry if all that sounds harsh. There's a lot of potential here, just needs a nudge in one direction, and some editing, which is truth for every song at it's beginning (well, at least all of my songs!)

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well, the first thing I'll say is I have no idea what this song is about. Not really getting a picture or a story. It seems like you've taken pieces of things you've written here and there and pieced them together. the rhyming seems forced to me. Maybe if you relax that a bit, it won't feel so constrained.

Now, with that said, you've got some great lines in here:




fantastic. It's precise, and gives us a story along with a history. nicely done.




this is good, has potential...I would flesh this idea out a lot more. maybe even with the father/son thing--expand on that and keep the song to that idea, because right now I'm not sure there is a unifying idea/theme. Seems to me the core is about a lover who left, but then there's Satan, plumbers, your dad, and exploring your past.


sorry if all that sounds harsh. There's a lot of potential here, just needs a nudge in one direction, and some editing, which is truth for every song at it's beginning (well, at least all of my songs!)

 

 

Kinda meandering for me too. Remember: Less is more.

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That was a friend on the phone, they said I dont know

Your mothers just died, we need you to come down

And rescue me, from all this agony

Black and red, Blue and white

 

Like father like son, my father used to say

He ended up in a prison the very next day

He'd use to tell me life was tiring, he was tired of it

It was so taxing, he was ready to submit

 

Well, I was walking down the grey backstreet

I could feel the cobbles beneath my feet

I aint never ever felt like I would be complete

I try to win at life but they think I cheat

 

Well, I was never the victim of his homicide

And even though they tried to claim it was genocide

My father died there and then anyways, his eyes were hollow

And his brain was gone, he scared me

 

Well take it like a man if you got the guts

You wont mind it if you had the nuts

Pray to god that this door will shut

If it doesnt then I dont know what ...

 

Well, I was walking down the grey backstreet

I could feel the cobbles beneath my feet

I aint never ever felt like I would be complete

I try to win at life but they think I cheat

 

Satans house, his door is open

He says to come on in, you and him

I asked him if it was alright to make myself at home

He said no, and he condemned us to roam, the world until we find

A foolproof guide, a place to stay and a place to lie

No more tickets, to heaven, for neither you or me

No eternity, in bliss

 

So you left me with an open book

I never finished writing it, what happened?

All the people I knew have vanished and my head is going thin

Retracing footsteps, to the places I have been

 

Well, I was walking down the grey backstreet

I could feel the cobbles beneath my feet

I aint never ever felt like I would be complete

I try to win at life but they think I cheat

 

I remember what you used to whisper to me

So seductively, so productively

We are societies builders and plumbers, fix my pipes

Father, wont you find somewhere else to hide?

 

Last I saw you, you were fading

The night was young but already it was waning

You gave me a look, like I was degrading

Invading, persuading, like I was the one who did this to you

 

Well, I was walking down the grey backstreet

I could feel the cobbles beneath my feet

I aint never ever felt like I would be complete

I try to win at life but they think I cheat

 

Would it hurt to believe?

Could it hurt to know why you decided to leave?

Am I really so bad

Am I really so glad

To be {censored}in' rid of you and I say

 

A little mouth to mouth

Some words whispered in haste

Could ruin my day, I dont want to play

The wrong cards in ways, they do not go

Like a jigsaw puzzle, and on the radio

I hear your name, 'First news scope'

They call your a murderer, they say your the devil himself

But thats not true father, the devil locked us out

 

No no no,

 

Well, I was walking down the alleyways

Thinking of something I could say

I turn to the skies and I think of you

Black and red, White and blue

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bunch of emotion, but no coherent plot. too much unconnected stuff.

the 'genocide' thing makes no sense.

the whole thing seems fictional, like you have some murky idea of a story in your head that isn't fleshed out here very well.

if it's based on your reality, then you have problems communicating and are in some weird religious quagmire that i don't want to be near.

i don't know. maybe it'd work better with music. sometimes music can make things work that don't seem to on paper.

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