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So I wrote this song about transvestism....


Ferdinandstrat

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And I think I am a terrible songwriter but I wanted your opinion on it...

 

My main problem is that it sounds amature-ish, what do you think? Where should I improve?

 

I remember one day we went to my room

I showed you what I really like to do

Leather and lace are my favorite materials

Maybe I'll throw in some heels it's really kinky now

 

They say keep your friends close

But your enemies closer

You never gonna know

Who will pull you out of the closet

Rumores go around like fire in a spike field

And you feel trapped as though you're in a mine field

 

I am a bitter sweet transvestite

Well what you're gonna do

When I go behind your back

And I will back stab you

 

I am a bitter sweet transvestite

My heart is fragile too

I am a bitter sweet transvestite

You know it's a gig hard to pull too

 

They say sweet transvestites come from Transilvania

Bitter sweet transvestites come from Pensilvania

Maybe next time I'll come through

When I'll figure out a trick to pull on you

 

Maybe my life's been better if I werent such fag

But you can be a transvestite without being a fag

But to those stupid jocks there is no difference

Because they are insecure about their own orientation

 

I am a bitter sweet transvestite

Well what you're gonna do

When I go behind your back

And I will back stab you

 

I am a bitter sweet transvestite

My heart is fragile too

I am a bitter sweet transvestite

You know it's a gig hard to pull too

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I have one of those too...

 

http://soundclick.com/share?songid=5778487

 

Drunk at 8 am, oh {censored} not again, got to fall to get back to your feet

{censored} shave, gargle and bathe, you can fake it if you just look neat

Nice shirt, nice tie, nice skirt, no wait that's that other guy

 

I'm a dyke, I'm a dyke, I'm a dyke, I'm a dyke, I'm a dyke

Now you know what I like

 

If you saw me on the street you would never guess

What I'd do if I could just get under your dress

And if you knew would it make a difference to you?

 

I'm a dyke, I'm a dyke, I'm a dyke, I'm a dyke, I'm a dyke

Now you know what I like

 

All I need is a man

To love me just the way I am

He just has to be a woman

 

If you saw me on the street you would never know

The things I'll do and the places that I like to go

And if you knew would it make a difference to you?

 

I'm a dyke, I'm a dyke, I'm a dyke, I'm a dyke, I'm a dyke

Now you know what I like

 

All I need is a man

To love me just the way I am

He just has to be a woman

 

I'm a dyke, I'm a dyke, I'm a dyke, I'm a dyke, I'm a dyke

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If this isn't meant maliciously, then I'll say it's funny. However, you do have some grammar errors making it difficult to understand what you're trying to say.

 

"Leather and lace are my favorite materials

Maybe I'll throw in some heels it's really kinky now"

 

"I am a bitter sweet transvestite

Well what you're gonna do

When I go behind your back

And I will back stab you"

 

"You know it's a gig hard to pull too"

 

These fragments don't work because they are what my 5th grade english teacher called...Word Garbles. And this song is full of word garbles.

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If this isn't meant maliciously, then I'll say it's funny. However, you do have some grammar errors making it difficult to understand what you're trying to say.


"Leather and lace are my favorite materials

Maybe I'll throw in some heels it's really kinky now"


"I am a bitter sweet transvestite

Well what you're gonna do

When I go behind your back

And I will back stab you"


"You know it's a gig hard to pull too"


These fragments don't work because they are what my 5th grade english teacher called...Word Garbles. And this song is full of word garbles.

 

 

Well I guess it's a good time to say English is not my mother language and yes, I am aware of the word garbles, I thought they'll add to the humorous part of the song.

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I'm sorry, but both of you guys sound like ignorant bozos sounding off on topics you know little about. You're writing would be forgiven if it were humorous. But it's not.

 

The lesbian song... this is utter garbage. Your lyrics are offensive, your singing is annoying and the musicianship sucks. Your ignorance warrants such scorn.

 

Transvestite guy, You suffer from the deluded belief that simply saying the word "transvestite" is innately humorous. It's not. I can't tell if you are being intentionally crass like the other guy. Initially, you seem to be at least taking a stab at seriously tackling the confusion surrounding malleable sexuality. But then you start in with the "fag" stuff and you sound like a total A-hole.

 

Now, there can be funny, really cool songs transvestites, as Ray Davis (Lola), and Lou Reed (Take a Walk on the Wild Side) have shown. But they treat cross-dressing people with affection and an open mind. You clearly don't.

 

My advice to both of you: If you are going to be crude or tackle a hot-button topic, at least be clever or fresh. Otherwise you just look like a jerk.

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I'm sorry, but both of you guys sound like ignorant bozos sounding off on topics you know little about. You're writing would be forgiven if it were humorous. But it's not.


The lesbian song... this is utter garbage. Your lyrics are offensive, your singing is annoying and the musicianship sucks. Your ignorance warrants such scorn.


Transvestite guy, You suffer from the deluded belief that simply saying the word "transvestite" is innately humorous. It's not. I can't tell if you are being intentionally crass like the other guy. Initially, you seem to be at least taking a stab at seriously tackling the confusion surrounding malleable sexuality. But then you start in with the "fag" stuff and you sound like a total A-hole.


Now, there can be funny, really cool songs transvestites, as Ray Davis (Lola), and Lou Reed (Take a Walk on the Wild Side) have shown. But they treat cross-dressing people with affection and an open mind. You clearly don't.


My advice to both of you: If you are going to be crude or tackle a hot-button topic, at least be clever or fresh. Otherwise you just look like a jerk.

 

 

You know, I dont take this as an offense, you dont know my part of the story here so...go be butthurt somewhere else, I dont need more drama queens in my life.

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You know, I dont take this as an offense, you dont know my part of the story here so...go be butthurt somewhere else, I dont need more drama queens in my life.

 

 

Take a page from Mr. Rsadasiv and learn how to take a jab with humor and grace. And trust me, I know your part of the story: "I am a terrible songwriter..." Well said. If you learn how to work such clarity and truth into your work you might get somewhere.

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Take a page from Mr. Rsadasiv and learn how to take a jab with humor and grace. And trust me, I know your part of the story: "I am a terrible songwriter..." Well said. If you learn how to work such clarity and truth into your work you might get somewhere.

 

 

English please, my mind doesnt work well lately...

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Not one of my best, I'll grant you that. I've never liked the way it conflates alcoholism, sexual orienation, gender identity and fashion sense as if they were all one and the same thing. But I've always liked the "If you knew, would it make a difference to you?" line - that line and the fact that the subject matter occaisionally drives people insane are the only reasons I still keep the song around.

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I have one of those too...




Drunk at 8 am, oh {censored} not again, got to fall to get back to your feet

{censored} shave, gargle and bathe, you can fake it if you just look neat

Nice shirt, nice tie, nice skirt, no wait that's that other guy


I'm a dyke, I'm a dyke, I'm a dyke, I'm a dyke, I'm a dyke

Now you know what I like


If you saw me on the street you would never guess

What I'd do if I could just get under your dress

And if you knew would it make a difference to you?


I'm a dyke, I'm a dyke, I'm a dyke, I'm a dyke, I'm a dyke

Now you know what I like


All I need is a man

To love me just the way I am

He just has to be a woman


If you saw me on the street you would never know

The things I'll do and the places that I like to go

And if you knew would it make a difference to you?


I'm a dyke, I'm a dyke, I'm a dyke, I'm a dyke, I'm a dyke

Now you know what I like


All I need is a man

To love me just the way I am

He just has to be a woman


I'm a dyke, I'm a dyke, I'm a dyke, I'm a dyke, I'm a dyke

 

 

hahahahahha.

 

this was brilliant.

 

it sounded EXACTLY like a south park song.

 

that is not a bad thing at all.

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came in expecting flame.

not disappointed.

 

i love this line:

"They say sweet transvestites come from Transilvania

Bitter sweet transvestites come from Pensilvania"

though the "they say" might need tightening up.

 

overall, strip it down, take the best lines and run with them rather than stretching it out so far.

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came in expecting flame.

not disappointed.


i love this line:

"They say sweet transvestites come from Transilvania

Bitter sweet transvestites come from Pensilvania"

though the "they say" might need tightening up.


overall, strip it down, take the best lines and run with them rather than stretching it out so far.

 

 

Wow, now that's something.

 

I will, I will.

 

Thanks!

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