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Songwriting Challenge 23 - Proper Nouns - The Reveal


rsadasiv

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Annapolis

 

I hate to say it, but that chorus melody sounds really familiar. Maybe it's just the chord progression. The grand piano coming in was a little jarring, it would probably be less so if there was a verse to go along with it. Guitar sounds great, and though there's a LOT of percussion at the beginning, the track has enough space to breathe throughout.

 

May

 

The structure of this one makes it really hard to listen to for me--I think it's ABCDABCD, with D being your chorus. The chorus sounds great, especially the call-and-response, but getting there was a rough pass.

 

Ms. Claus

 

This is a rough draft--I've got to fix a few sour vocal notes. Horns would sound great, I'll see if I can write up some charts and bust out the saxaphone. I've also got to figure out how to fade-out on GarageBand.

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Good ear. I was thinking about Elvis Costello - Oliver's Army or something off Imperial Bedroom - it's that Beatlesque minor/major move he used to use. There is also a Cat Stevens chorus that is similar, although I can't think of the exact song right now.

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May

 

Really like the way the lyric crosses back and forth between a woman objectified as a time of year and a time of year personified as a woman, and the way it works both as a narrative and symbolically.

 

"it's like we've never met" is VERY Dylanesque ("I Don't Believe You"), to the point of mild distraction.

 

The performance and production are good, strengths even. Parts of the song remind me of the Velvet Underground - there's some "Pale Blue Eyes" in the guitar, and the backing vocals, (especially around "very short time") remind me of "Run Run Run".

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the title says "Ms Claus" but the songs says Mrs Claus =)

 

i love the voice ... echoes of Van Morrison, though strained at times (a very few times). the instrumentation is awesome, pace and rhythm are right on.

 

at first i was hoping the Mrs Claus in the story was a metaphor for a lonely, abandoned woman ... but the song turns out to BE about Mrs Claus herself, married to Mr. Claus ... and the metaphor takes a back seat ...

 

as it is, the lyrics seem a bit too novelty for me, which is fine, but i think this song could be a lot more

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Annapolis: from the beginning this is quintessential Rsadasiv music ... but ... there's a lot of control there, sounds perfect, unlike some past songs which tend to lose a little rhythm control ... the sound is awesome

 

the voice is awesome ... truly, this is you using your voice to its full potential ...

 

the lyrics are excellent, taut but communicative ... the only thing i thought is that there seemed to be a lack of emotional connection for the listener to the lyrics, but that may be because there's no second stanza yet

 

the guitar solo seemed a little off time-wise ... the second half of the solo is solid

 

overall, an excellent song. this is about the best i've heard you sound

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Hey all,

 

To those that contributed, good job fellas. I wrote a song for this challenge but I practiced so hard for an up coming open mic that I injured my fingers. I hate getting old!:mad: Anyhow wondering if I can post it once my hands feel better and am able to record.

 

Cheers,

Deric

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at first i was hoping the Mrs Claus in the story was a metaphor for a lonely, abandoned woman ... but the song turns out to BE about Mrs Claus herself, married to Mr. Claus ... and the metaphor takes a back seat ...


as it is, the lyrics seem a bit too novelty for me, which is fine, but i think this song could be a lot more

 

 

NEVER would have gone there with the idea, but it's really interesting. This is a submission for a friend's annual novelty Christmas idea, but I'm going to let that idea marinate for a while...

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Annapolis came up. Great backing track and lead guitar. Nice work. The vocals were very far back. The words being sung, I was unable to understand them.

 

This line...Let's make the worst of a bad situation

 

Doesn't make sense to me. It didn't fit with the rest of the write. As you mentioned more verse would help.

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May for a very short time...

 

really interesting. IDK if your using midi but it sounded a little tinny but, I liked it...the vocals kept growing and fit the song well with a nice little hookiness to it. The lyrics weren't completly clear but good enough when sung. Good job!

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thanks everybody for the feedback on my song

 

 

IDK if your using midi but it sounded a little tinny

 

 

i dont' use midi

 

and yes, i have a huge problem with the end sound. either it sounds like it's underwater or it sounds brittle (way past bright). i can't seem to hit a happy medium

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thanks everybody for the feedback on my song




i dont' use midi


and yes, i have a huge problem with the end sound. either it sounds like it's underwater or it sounds brittle (way past bright). i can't seem to hit a happy medium

 

 

Well it is good don't get me wrong...just trying to help...better than I can do.

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