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Help With Lyrics For My Song


RyanC

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I've got a song I've been working on called 'Insomniac' - a slightly dark song about being trapped in my private hell as I'm slowly going insane night after night as I can't fall asleep. Not really knowing if I'm asleep and dreaming or actually awake.

 

It's almost done - I'm just working on the outro section for the end of the song and have hit a wall on lyrics. Basically, I've survived yet another night and it's the beginning of a new day to struggle through as a walking zombie from being so tired from not getting sleep night after night.

 

For this last piece, I've got -

 

The sun begins to rise

Before my swollen eyes.

 

I need 2, 4 or 6 more lines to wrap it up. Any ideas?!

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Yeah... You can't Rhyme "eyes" with "lies." That was officially retired in songwriting in 1987.


I'm serious. There was a big commission debate and everything....They nixed "love" and "above" too.

 

 

Good point. :) I like VSpaceBoy's choice of "survive".

 

A lyrics like this... it runs the danger of taking itself too seriously. I love the idea of insomnia as subject matter. Going dark and brooding though, doesn't do it justice in my opinion. Unless it's done really well of course. I remember 10CC had a tune called You've Got a Cold. I always liked the idea that it's subtext was... um... no subtext. It was about having a kick ass cold. I like that. Hey, here it is! For inspiration:

 

[YOUTUBE]MD5ZxIoJL8Q[/YOUTUBE]

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I've got a song I've been working on called 'Insomniac' - a slightly dark song about being trapped in my private hell as I'm slowly going insane night after night as I can't fall asleep. Not really knowing if I'm asleep and dreaming or actually awake.


It's almost done - I'm just working on the outro section for the end of the song and have hit a wall on lyrics. Basically, I've survived yet another night and it's the beginning of a new day to struggle through as a walking zombie from being so tired from not getting sleep night after night.


For this last piece, I've got -


The sun begins to rise

Before my swollen eyes.


I need 2, 4 or 6 more lines to wrap it up. Any ideas?!

 

 

 

The sun begins to rise

Before my swollen eyes

Before my ending hero's tale

The death of fading skies!

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I like survive better than skies.

 

And the other guy who said the danger of being too serious. It all depends on the execution with the music. Nothing worse than something solemn - serious - and seriously BAD. I think what he has so far could work with the right music.

 

And if you're interested in songs about insomnia/sleeping- Here are some of my favorites:

 

I'm so Tired, Beatles

I'm only Sleeping, Beatles.

Coma G n R

Need Some Sleep - Eels (Shreck soundtrack, I think)

 

Oh! I just came up with a lyric idea tied to insomnia. Maybe it's tired idea that's already been done. I don't know.. I literally just though of it while typing this. But the song would be called - "I can't sleep when you're away" That'd be the refrain/ chorus or whatever. Pretty straightforward. Lots of rhyme and rhythm options...

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I like survive better than skies.


And the other guy who said the danger of being too serious. It all depends on the execution with the music. Nothing worse than something solemn - serious - and seriously BAD. I think what he has so far could work with the right music.


And if you're interested in songs about insomnia/sleeping- Here are some of my favorites:


I'm so Tired, Beatles

I'm only Sleeping, Beatles.

Coma G n R

Need Some Sleep - Eels (Shreck soundtrack, I think)


Oh! I just came up with a lyric idea tied to insomnia. Maybe it's tired idea that's already been done. I don't know.. I literally just though of it while typing this. But the song would be called - "I can't sleep when you're away" That'd be the refrain/ chorus or whatever. Pretty straightforward. Lots of rhyme and rhythm options...

 

Let's hear a contribution and not so much an opinion. :wave:

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uh, that's hard to just come up with something relavant when you don't have the rest of the lyrical content to reflect from.. here's my stab

 

climbing from below

a dream robbers soul

spreading bright despair

blank sleepless eyes stare

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Meaning, what are the lyrics for the rest of the song?

 

 

I think he was asking about the rhythm pattern that the words need to match. What's the overall rumpty-tumptiness of the beat that the important words need to hit?

 

It's also hard to write some kind of ending, closure, punch-line or re-statement of a story if you don't have much idea of how the earlier content went, or what the general style of the wording was.

 

For instance, some kind of twist along the lines of this might work, or it might look completely out of place:

 

The sun begin to to rise

Before my swollen eyes

Slam the coffin shut

Before the night blood dries

 

and continue with a couple more lines revealing what the nightmare was really about - that you inherited some problems from Uncle Drac...

 

Or you could use the last few lines to totally snap and do something really over the top. Perhaps stare out the window at the people below and use the last couple of lines to begin mindlessly loading rounds into an automatic weapon, leaving the audience to speculate on the outcome.

 

Or you could go for the uplifting finish and bring in something to raise your spirits and renew your energy. Dozens of possibilities, but even if all you want to do is repeat the theme of "Gee, insomnia sucks and I'm still tired.." then it's hard to come up with a punchy set of end lines without knowing what the ones before said, and how they said it. Good luck with it.

 

Chris

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get this light, outta my eyes, get this light, outta my eyes

get this light, outta my eyes, get this light, outta my eyes

 

there are no dreams for my nights, no bed and pillow, or close my eyes,

just the stop and go, the traffic lights, the fading realities I despise.

 

get this strife, outta my life, get this strife, outta my life

 

what red-rimmed rim-shot have I rapped, echoing eyes and ears, all on tap,

my strings just vibrate, incessantly, you leave me alone with them, endlessly.

 

get my wife, outta my life, get my wife, outta my life

 

and if I can't sleep, then I won't let you, awake and the living is now dark and true,

you can hide under the day, make it your bed, or you can stop and make easy, my way, instead.

 

get this knife, outta my life, get this knife, outta my life

 

the spaces between the words we don't use, fall all around us, and they fall hard like blues,

a rhymin'all'the'timin' sun can't shine, except when you're gone, da bling's never been mine.

 

as always, John Watt

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