Jump to content

You Must Be Out Of Range


Lee Knight

Recommended Posts

  • Moderators

Inspired by Boydog's cell phone observations I wrote down something. And... if you check the Friday Influences thread you'll see I've been listening to The Feeling for some 70's style pop rock a la 10cc Suptramp and Queen. So, chip away at this and tell me... am I on to something? Does it suck? Where's the weak stuff? All of it? Way simple. Too simple?

 

Can you hear me now

Is there static on the line

As I drive 'cross town

Service is declined

 

Somethng's different

Something's strange

You must be out of range

Something's happening

Something's changed

You must be, you must be, you must be

You must be out of range

 

Did you get my message

Did you maybe get my text

I even tried your email

Think I got the wrong address

 

Somethng's different

Something's strange

You must be out of range

Something's happening

Something's changed

You must be, you must be, you must be

You must be out of range

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Way better than boydog's who is a strange cat. In the first verse you rhyme the 1st and 3rd and the 2nd and 4th...in the 2nd verse the 2nd and 4th only. I suppose thats ok but typically the patterns stay the same. Unless of course you want it to be that way.

 

Just listened to The Feeling. Love them and could easily hear this in that style. Very nice write.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Scans well - I can definitely hear this in a power pop beat and musical setting.

 

I think we had a similar conversation about another phone oriented song you wrote, but I think the Zeitgeist is too dated, and it doesn't go deep enough into the social implications of cell phones. What about something like

"I saw your Facebook update and your relationship status has changed" or "You said it was a pocket call but I don't believe it was at all" or "You said you might have lost your signal but the GPS says you were right next door".

 

The white lies and social difficulties that underlay your lyric haven't changed, but they are layered on top of a fairly ubiquitous layer of network connectivity in the contemporary landscape.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

 

Scans well - I can definitely hear this in a power pop beat and musical setting.


I think we had a similar conversation about another phone oriented song you wrote, but I think the Zeitgeist is too dated, and it doesn't go deep enough into the social implications of cell phones.

 

 

 

I love the image of the phone. You said, "I think the Zeitgeist is too dated"... Now that's the sort of thing that makes sense. I mean, you can't get out of range anymore really. Roaming. So is the premise, the Out of Range bit too dated.

 

I'm in the phone booth it's the one across the hall...

 

Phone booth? I still like that but phone booth? These things do date. And I'm a old dude. So tell me, is the Out of Range concept so foreign that it just doesn't make any sense?

 

You make some great points here. Can you elaborate on your point, "it doesn't go deep enough into the social implications of cell phones". That's interesting to me also...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

 

I love the image of the phone. You said,
"I think the Zeitgeist is too dated"...
Now that's the sort of thing that makes sense. I mean, you can't get out of range anymore really. Roaming. So is the premise, the Out of Range bit too dated.

 

 

I don't know about that. I have att and there are certain areas that get no coverage. My bar reading disappears and people can't hear me or I get cut off and I live in Orange County, CA not some rural tech free zone in Timbuktu. So the Zeitgeist my still apply but perhaps if you speak about your "coverage" it may be more applicable to the "spirit of the times".

 

Cheers,

Deric

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Can you elaborate on your point,
"it doesn't go deep enough into the social implications of cell phones".
That's interesting to me also...

 

Well, I'm an old guy too, so YMMV ;)

 

Ok - remember when answering machines were new? It used to be that you called someone, and if no one picked up the phone that was the end of it. When answering machines came out, there was a whole new set of social implications to that missed call - think about all those movie scenes where the woman is curled up on the couch crying, you see the blinking red light on the answering machine telling you that she has been ignoring the phone, you see her sniffle/do something with a kleenex, the phone rings insistently, the answering machine greeting plays, and then you hear her estranged lover asking her to pick up, please pick up, and then going into his heartfelt apology. The scene uses the technology and the zeitgeist to add drama that was not previously available - he can't tell if she is listening, she is listening but she can't tell if he knows she is listening, and the audience can see and grasp all of these imperfect understandings playing out in a dramatic fashion.

 

Or here is an Aimee Mann lyric from that period:

"The message light just blinks away

And while I'm here you won't push play"

 

So what I'm getting at is that we need someone to do for the ubiquitous connectivity of cell phones what Aimee Mann and that movie director did for answering machines.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

 

I love the image of the phone. You said,
"I think the Zeitgeist is too dated"...
Now that's the sort of thing that makes sense. I mean, you can't get out of range anymore really. Roaming. So is the premise, the Out of Range bit too dated.


 

 

I dont think so, but it depends on where you want to go with the song. I would consider going further with that particular metaphor. Maybe the person your singing about wants to be out of range, and as you say thats kind of imposible. I guess I would like to see some clarification into why they want to be out of range, if that is indeed the case.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

rsadisiv: Or here is an Aimee Mann lyric from that period:

"The message light just blinks away

And while I'm here you won't push play"

 

I love that. It says so much in a couple lines.

 

Rhino says, "Maybe the person your singing about wants to be out of range". Yeah, that's sort of the feeling I'm getting...

 

Bridge?

 

Your Outlook says you

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

 

Inspired by Boydog's cell phone observations I wrote down something. And... if you check the Friday Influences thread you'll see I've been listening to The Feeling for some 70's style pop rock a la 10cc Suptramp and Queen. So, chip away at this and tell me... am I on to something? Does it suck? Where's the weak stuff? All of it? Way simple. Too simple?


Can you hear me now

Is there static on the line

As I drive 'cross town

Service is declined


Somethng's different

Something's strange

You must be out of range

Something's happening

Something's changed

You must be, you must be, you must be

You must be out of range


Did you get my message

Did you maybe get my text

I even tried your email

Think I got the wrong address


Somethng's different

Something's strange

You must be out of range

Something's happening

Something's changed

You must be, you must be, you must be

You must be out of range

 

Your password just don't fit the 32 bit encryption key no mo'...

 

Actually, I thought this was going to be a programming song... you know "Error: integer out of range."

 

 

Anyhow, it feels like a good set up but that seems like about as far as it goes. I need just a little bit more...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

 

I think that hard and time both work, but I will say within these 4 syllables lies the key stone. Ultimately, it will depend on what you as the songwriter see as more important. Is it the cause for "being out of range" or is it the effect on the narrarator's personal relationship being described. If it is the cause, then I say go with something along the lines of time. If it is effect, then I would go with hard.

 

 

I'm right there with ya. Thanks for the ear.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

rsadisiv:
Or here is an Aimee Mann lyric from that period:

"The message light just blinks away

And while I'm here you won't push play"


I love that. It says so much in a couple lines.


 

 

Yeah, but if she wrote that today I would be bitching about her zeitgeist being out of date. :D

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

Yeah, but if she wrote that today I would be bitching about her zeitgeist being out of date.
:D

 

 

I have a song with a 1st line:

 

Dropped a dime in the telephone...

 

I mean, are we talking outdated zeigeist here or what? And yes, I liked telephones back in 1980 too. :):thu:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I like how "out of range" may keep the zeitgeist out of date. I guess it depends on who is singing it. If it comes out of the mouth some kid in skinny pants, then it may not work. But if comes out of the mouth with someone of our experience & songwriting maturity (*ahem*), then it adds to the alienation -- trying to connect the old and the new while still using the old ways of thinking. IMO it helps establish how the singer is out of range not only with the technology but with the relationship.

 

Solid lyric.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

"Is my coverage area shrinking"

 

Personally, I think that it'd strengthen the feeling of isolation the song presents to leave even pseudo-technical jargon like this out. I'd try to frame it in such a way that reinforces that this technology is absolutely foreign to the narrator. That way you get the connection between his alienation from new technology and his alienation from whomever he's singing to and the song will come off as more organic and heartfelt.

 

I think you have to be careful with a song that fits so tightly around a metaphor. You don't want it to come off as a novelty or as trite. I'm assuming you're an older musician, so if you can pull the song off from a more sympathetic angle your audience will appreciate it and connect to it immediately. If that happens, you could have a hit on your hands.

 

Again, just one man's opinion. I'm an amateur, 100%. Just something to think about.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

 

I'd try to frame it in such a way that reinforces that this technology is absolutely foreign to the narrator. .

 

 

reinforces that this technology is absolutely foreign to the narrator

 

That idea spawned a possible prechorus

 

Everything is twisted, everything is new

Things I never knew existed till I fell in love with you (key change into chorus)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

Awesome is nice but... I don't think so. But thanks!

 

Setting it to music in my noggin all day at work. And now at home. I'm living with it. I've been threatening to figure SoundClick out and start posting files. Soon. I love the feedback here. I gets me pumped to rise to the occasion and finish my own {censored} instead of always working on some one else's.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...