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"Patagonia" - New Version - Feedback Much Appreciated


jspomer

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Hi there everyone - I posted the initial version of my second song, "Patagonia", on here about a month ago. In the last couple weeks, I re-recorded the song at a faster tempo (from 102 bpm to 108) and the instruments with less effects for a more "raw" sound. I finished a mix of it last night and would love to hear anyone's feedback: http://soundclick.com/share?songid=8232417

 

Thanks again, and cheers!

 

John

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I missed the first version. I really like the backing track--it sounds like some lo-fi 70s garage teenagers firing up the organ after a few hours on the Ouiji board. It lacks some coherence as far as the structure goes--gimme a verse-chorus, verse-chorus or something.

 

The vocals are not very good, and the vocal melody is also not so great. It mostly follows the music--starts on the root note of the first chord, stays there until you change chord, then switches to the root note of the next chord.

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I don't normally offer extended comment on lyrics unless they're printed somewhere, so I'll leave that aside.

 

I like the DGAF feel to some extent, but it's gonna be a tough sell to the masses... especially those whose ears have grown accustomed to rigid vocal tuning, since your vocalist has an extremely, shall we say, free approach to tonality. (Others may confuse it for a lack of pitch-control. Ahem.)

 

I sort of like the sprawling scope seemingly suggested by the lyrical bits and pieces that rise up to me and the droney bed of the organ seems to give it a sort of suburban epic feel. I'm reminded of some of the fringier no-wave outfits banging around at the end of the 70s, given license by the punk/new music upheaval.

 

(Minor note: I wasn't sure why the little resonance-filter arpeggio was left hanging out at the end, since I don't recall hearing anything like it in the course of the song. Maybe it was buried.)

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The song needs lots of work. I`m trying to find something positive to say about the melody and the singer but I can`t. You need to rewrite the melody and you also need to either get another singer or seriously work the one you got.

 

Some interesting sounds you`ve got going that keep my attention but I agree with Chicken Monkey about the structure as well, needs some familiarity and a verse-chorus, verse-chorus, bridge, chorus would make it easier. Just my $.02

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