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Several songs I wrote.


imtheking

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STRANGER

 

Shutter me

Leave me left to die

Blanket me

Then pull away my light

Giving up to what is all beneath

ANd i don't think I can seathe

And I don't think I can breathe

 

When you're all alone

And you're crying to die

And you think that it's not real

When It's all real

It's the real deal

 

CAN YOU FEEL IT

 

 

CAN YOU FEEL ME BURNING IN YOUR VEINS!!!!!

CAN YOU FEEL ME DARKENING UP THE DAY!!!!!!!!

 

THis is what I have to say

 

How do you

kill the devil

when the devil is the devil's son

there's no where to run

How do you

Kill the beast

WHen the beast is the beast's son

There's no more fun

 

What do you get when you leave me

A stranger in my own mind

Left me to die

Nothing is right

Everything is wrong

 

Over-anylize the unmistakable

Salvaging the untangable

And no where's the right turn

Everything's darker

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

BROKEN

 

Hopefully, it will change what's about to be

Everything, that is inside of me

Falling away from the truth that I never learned

The bitter innocence is something I can never hold, but it is what is yearned

 

I'm turning dry

I'm turning rough

I'm turnign wicked

 

I've gone through internal

Metamorphasis

My personality has shifted

 

Look away

Let me decay

Through my "no potential"

 

I'm feeling the hate

I'm feeling the rage

Nothing anymore is sequential

 

Don't ever let me understand

Why this happened again

I'm tired of opening up

The one I love, hates me even as a friend

 

Don't you take this away from me

Don't you say it's NOT blasphemy

Holding on, holding longer, to what I believe

 

Only God can answer me

I need someone, to just hold onto me

Fighting hard, fighting harder, for what I believe

 

I like, to believe I'm equally better than you will ever be

But looking through the reminents, that is a false testimony

I just don't know if you will ever save me

 

I'M BROKEN

I'M FALLING

Now no one

Is with me

I'm losing

Distributing

And I just can't be

 

Don't you take this away from me

Don't you say it's NOT blasphemy

Holding on, holding longer, to what I believe

 

Only God can answer me

I need someone, to just hold onto me

Fighting hard, fighting harder, for what I believe

 

I like, to believe I'm equally better than you will ever be

But looking through the reminents, that is a false testimony

I just don't know if you will ever save me

 

 

HERE

 

Here I stand again

Nothing better but sin

Maybe something, could, make it better but . . .

I know, this time I won't win

 

 

Here I stand again

Nothing better but sin

Maybe something, could, make it better but . . .

I know, this time I won't win

 

I've come so close, sometimes

Now I guess I'm left behind

Now I'm thinking I am wrong, guess it's because I wrong

Not everyone can be right

 

Maybe something, could, make it better but . . .

I know, this time I won't win

 

I'm wanting you more than I ever have

Here I am, not angry, not mad

Maybe something is better, for you, but not for me

I need you in my life

 

 

Maybe something, could, make it better but . . .

I know, this time I won't win

 

 

RUINS

 

Verse:

 

Water in my heart

And blood's in the stream

It took me forever

Nothing is what it seems

I'm not special

I know I'm not right

And if you ask me

I'm not the light

The pain in my heart is wanting more

I'm trying not to, but I gotta restore

 

Prechorus:

 

No one wants to ever be forgotten

No one wants to be forsaken

i'm going blind, make up your mind

Am I trying to stay, or should I go away

 

Chorus:

 

You, make, me, unbelievably crazy

Eve-ry-thing, is just a little bit hazy

hold me down, don't let me be free

dilute, despise, those, are the things you feel for me

 

 

You played with my heart

Day after day

A sinful plague,

that's made me this way

I wish I could love

I wish I couldn't hate

Am I too early

, or am I late

 

I am more, what am I

Another other martyr

That is better than all of you

 

I can't live, but I can't, die

Now take away the ruins of this desperate begging life

 

 

repeat chorus:

 

I am more, what am I

Another other martyr

That is better than all of you

 

I can't live, but I can't, die

Now take away the ruins of this desperate begging life

 

WHo are you, but who am I

I am someone else

Who doesn't care for life

 

I don't want to make you cry

I know you hate me

I'm torn up all inside

 

Right now, everything is a lie

Nowhere to turn

And nobody is on my side

 

Somehow, things might turn out right

It does get worse

before it gets to be a little bright

 

No more, I'm not going to hide

right now it sucks

i'll live through another night

 

I'll survive, the high tide

I'm alive

And right now that's alright

 

 

 

THE ONE

 

 

I ask one question

Day after Day

Why would the world

Treat me this way

I lived, I loved, I lost, I've hated

Right now, I feel a little belated

Is it because I'm not benevolent

Hell, I know I am not magnificant

 

PRECHORUS:

 

I guess it's always been this way

Until the day comes, when I'm not the hated one

But that day hasn't come yet, so here I come

 

Verse:

 

You asked me to love you when I did

You didn't like the way I lived

I can't go back, can't cover up my tracks

Now it's come to, what I need, I lack

 

PRECHORUS:

 

I guess I've always felt this way

Until the day comes, when I'm not the hated one

But that day hasn't come yet, so here I come

 

SOLO:

 

CHORUS:

 

 

I need you to need me

I want you to want me

I live for you to breathe me

All I can do is sit back

 

 

I lived for you to love me

I loved if you loved me

I can't make anything out of the vacancy

Of what could be me, or just insanit

All I can do is sit back

 

End solo

 

 

WHAT

 

I, I have never been one who is loved

I, I never wanted more but love

I, I thought it was not meant for me

 

You, you deserve to be the queen of the king

I, I deserve absolutely nothing

You, you make me want to say

 

CHORUS

 

I can't live without you touch

Without you, I wouldn't be much

You, you can live without me

That kills every cell of my being

You, you are the mystery in my eyes

Nothing more beautiful, has ever arrived

 

How come no one ever gives me a chance?

They contemplate, and forsake me after first glance

I can't deserve you

 

What do you say?

You make me believe again

I lost all faith

In humanity

I need a crutch

I feel unsecure

 

 

Little back stories on each one

 

Stranger - Just how all my friends have abandoned me. My love hates me, and complete hate for everything.

 

Broken - Just questioning everything

 

Here - One of my sadder songs. I wrote this from a different perspective. A guy who just lost his love. And the only thing he can result to is murder.

 

Ruins - How I really can't accomplish anything. People don't like me, but towards the end I see the brighter side and realize everything happens for a reason and things get better.

 

The One - Second to Ruins as being my favorite song I wrote. This is also just questioning everything.

 

What - Just what I think about my love. What I would do, what she deserves. I really need to change the bridge though.

 

 

Any questions, comments, criticism? If so PLEASE tell me. I can only become a better writer

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All very well done...it read like one long lyric with all the same meter but it was outstanding that only could be nit picked here or there...really good work...the music will be a bonus on top of the writing.!

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that's a lot to toss down for one post, in the future you might consider separating your song posts and working on one at a time rather than shotgunning 6 ot songs.

 

overarchingly, sometimes i miss being a teenager. and sometimes i don't.

 

to take just the first song, i like the die/light rhyme.

 

i don't know that the word "Seethe" fits, i understand what you mean, but it really needs to be sung right to make that work.

 

i actively laughed when i read the "real deal" turn, when i think about the way that section would fit in my mouth, and then to cap it off by spitting that phrase, it just loses all it's power in favor of silliness.

 

the burning/darkening part, this could be very good if sung right, lots of power, you might consider switching the lines though, so it'd be darkening/burning, then letting the "burning in your veins" segment repeat a couple of times before a sweet drum fill, rest, and spit "and this is what i have to say" before slamming into the next verse.

 

after that the meter sortof collapses, the fun/run rhyme feels forced.

 

maybe swap 'untangable' to 'unintelligible,' might spit more freely.

 

all in all, pretty good if you can rock it. thanks for sharing!

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Well thanks. Again, even criticism is greatly appreciated. Well I had each of these songs save, I worked on each one for about a week. I would write the entire thing, and by the end of the week it would be completely different. I just didn't want 6 seperate posts spamming the board.

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here is another suggestion: instead of these making darker lyrics, for an alternate, try someting new. maybe write about hope, and inspiration, you know? im not against darker lyrics, but making happier lyrics will compeltely change the direction you're going. like for one song part of the chorus is "one day it'll be okay/one day all the misery will go away". try that.

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that's a lot to toss down for one post, in the future you might consider separating your song posts and working on one at a time rather than shotgunning 6 ot songs.


overarchingly, sometimes i miss being a teenager. and sometimes i don't.


to take just the first song, i like the die/light rhyme.


i don't know that the word "Seethe" fits, i understand what you mean, but it really needs to be sung right to make that work.


i actively laughed when i read the "real deal" turn, when i think about the way that section would fit in my mouth, and then to cap it off by spitting that phrase, it just loses all it's power in favor of silliness.


the burning/darkening part, this could be very good if sung right, lots of power, you might consider switching the lines though, so it'd be darkening/burning, then letting the "burning in your veins" segment repeat a couple of times before a sweet drum fill, rest, and spit "and this is what i have to say" before slamming into the next verse.


after that the meter sortof collapses, the fun/run rhyme feels forced.


maybe swap 'untangable' to 'unintelligible,' might spit more freely.


all in all, pretty good if you can rock it. thanks for sharing!

 

Well, I agree. I don't really like the "real deal" line myself. The way I had "seethe" and "breathe" in my head fits perfectly. And the part where is goes "there's no more fun", I meant to put, "he's not the only one". I just think that sounds SOOO much better. But it's not a screamo song at all, it is not really even that heavy. Well, it is heavy, but a crushing slow tempo heavy. It starts with just toms and bass drum, which keep the same beat for literally the entire song.

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Well thanks. Again, even criticism is greatly appreciated. Well I had each of these songs save, I worked on each one for about a week. I would write the entire thing, and by the end of the week it would be completely different. I just didn't want 6 seperate posts spamming the board.

First a big, friendly cut-n-paste welcome to the Songwriting Forum!

 

The basic mission of the forum is the discussion of the art and craft of songwriting and offering assistance with feedback and constructive criticism on new songs and other works in progress. Of course, giving thoughtful comment requires some time and energy.

 

Like so much in life -- what you get out of it will likely depend on what you put in...

 

I hope you'll share your insight with others when they're looking for critiques -- it's a great way to let people get to know you. And the more that people know you as someone who is willing to help out, the more eager they'll be to help you when you're looking for some good ol' constructive crit.

 

:)

 

blue2blue

moderator, songwriting forum

 

 

SW Forum Guidelines and Resources

 

 

______________________

 

 

With regards to posting multiple songs at once -- as long as they're songs you're actually currently working on, writing-wise, there's no rule against it.

 

But we do encourage folks to concentrate on one song for a couple of reasons: it takes time to give a thoughtful, constructive critique on a song. (I, myself, often listen to a given song 2 or 3 times in the course of developing feedback.)

 

And when all the feedback-givers concentrate their comments on the same song (whether or not they read each other's comments -- I like to comment generally without reading others' comments and then go back over them when I can), I think it can help the songwriter get an extra rich set of perspectives.

 

 

Anyhow, welcome to the Songwriting Forum!

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