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Song for my daughter - help if you are willing


Oswlek

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Lee's song about his little girl reminded me about this one I wrote a while back for my angel. I enjoy playing this one very much, and am hopeful that the collective intelligence of this board can help me with a finishing touch.

 

The verses are in 3/4 and the chorus is 4/4. The time switch is designed to create a bit of momentum, which is then used to highlight the title as a bridge back to 3/4 at the end of the chorus. I have to admit that I have no intention of changing this, it is an integral part of the song and I absolutely love how it goes back to 3/4. What I am looking for help with is smoothing the transition to the chorus (from 3/4 to 4/4). It is a tad too abrupt and has too much contrast to the lullaby effect the verses create. Barring better ideas from you, I am planning on adding some ascending strings, but any direction would be much appreciated.

 

I've also touched up the guitar a bit since uploading this video, particularly the mellowed final verse. Please also excuse the handful of pitchy notes. I've gotten a lot better at singing since sending this up, but I am still good for a couple off-key moments. :thu:

 

"Safe" by Justin Osowiecki

 

[YOUTUBE]SvEMhBwoFuQ[/YOUTUBE]

 

There you lay

No words to say

Transformation in me


Ocean

Of emotion

Devotion so new


In you life some things will turn out fine

But when it all seems unkind

You will be safe in my arms


Wasn't sure

Before

If I'm ready for you


Scared I'd make

Big mistake

Aggravate you


In your days some things will go your way

But when it all seems to betray

You will be safe in my arms


Lady I've got your number

I know you've got mine

Hand in hand we'll make our way through time


Strongest fears

Disappear

(when I) Held you near me


In my life things have gone just fine

But nothing more than you

In your days some things will go your way

But when it all seems to slip away

You will be safe

You will be safe in my arms

 

Thanks in advance for your help.

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I love that. And I love you want to make the 3/4 in to the 4/4 work. Going back to the 3/4 is smooth, as you know. But what to do about the 3/4 into the 4/4. I'd...

 

...keep up the pattern for another round past the sung verse to use as a transition. Then instead of raking out your V chord (E?) and losing your tempo, keep the tempo strict and flowing. Then incorporate a 2/4 measure at the end your 3/4 chord sequence at the end of the verse.

 

3/4

I, vi, ii,

 

2/4

V V

 

So the V chord, the E, plays 1+ 2+ (8th notes) then into your 4/4 chorus. The trick here would be to not accent like a rock song drum fill or something but a nice delicate descending picked melody into the 4/4.

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I love that. And I love you want to make the 3/4 in to the 4/4 work. Going back to the 3/4 is smooth, as you know. But what to do about the 3/4 into the 4/4. I'd...


...keep up the pattern for another round past the sung verse to use as a transition. Then instead of raking out your V chord (E?) and losing your tempo, keep the tempo strict and flowing. Then incorporate a 2/4 measure at the end your 3/4 chord sequence at the end of the verse.


3/4

I, vi, ii,


2/4

V V


So the V chord, the E, plays 1+ 2+ (8th notes) then into your 4/4 chorus. The trick here would be to
not
accent like a rock song drum fill or something but a nice delicate descending picked melody into the 4/4.

 

 

This is an interesting idea because the 2nd beat of my 4/4 part occurs the same time as the 3rd beat of the 3/4. So basically, it would be the exact same time as just another 3/4 measure, but with alternate emphasis.

 

Thanks, I'll give it a try and see how it goes!

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So basically, it would be the exact same time as just another 3/4 measure, but with alternate emphasis.


 

 

 

To be clear... that isn't really what I was saying. Obviously, if you're on to something, go brother.

 

But I'm saying, do the whole round of chords again and the last bar make a 2/4 bar instead of 3/4. So, first off, it would be a whole round of chords longer. And... it would be one beat short cause you'd play a bar of 2/4 in place of the last 3/4 bar.

 

This would prematurely setup the 2 + 4 feel of the chorus by sneaking it in a bar earlier than expected.

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To be clear... that isn't really what I was saying. Obviously, if you're on to something, go brother.


But I'm saying, do the whole round of chords again and the last bar make a 2/4 bar instead of 3/4. So, first off, it would be a whole round of chords longer. And... it would be one beat short cause you'd play a bar of 2/4 in place of the last 3/4 bar.


This would prematurely setup the 2 + 4 feel of the chorus by sneaking it in a bar earlier than expected.

 

 

Ahhhh....

 

That wasn't what I was getting at all. Oh well, nobody ever accused me of being too smart.

 

I'll give it a go and see how it works.

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But irony of faith , relation broke up. Now i forgot how to write .

 

 

Amazing how a good song can bring out deep emotion.

 

And this sure is a good song. Wonderfully economical lyrics.....

 

As far as the transition goes......you guys are way better at this structure thing, but it could be as simple as slowing it down......pause....rake....pause.....go.

 

Really nice tune.

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yeah, the 4/4 to 3/4 is fine


the 3/4 to 4/4 is a tad rough ... have you tried doing a little bit of an instrumental interlude, just long enough to slowly accelerate to 4/4, and then start the chorus?

 

 

That is similar to what I was planning. The strings would come in earlier in the song (before the vocals even) and be a complimentary piece, and then lift off, starting a measure or two prior to the change. I wasn't planning on adding another progression, but both you and Lee seem to think it would be a good idea, so I'll try it out.

 

Thanks to everyone for the kind words. They are much appreciated.

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I think this is a really beautiful song pretty much the way it is. I would only make a few minor changes to the lyrics:

 

There you lay

No words to say

Transformation in me

 

Ocean

of emotion

Devotion so new

 

In your life some things will turn out fine

But when it all seems unkind

You will be safe in my arms

 

I wasn't sure

if before

I was ready for you

 

Scared I'd make

a big mistake,

Aggravate you

 

In your days some things will go your way

But when it all seems to go astray

You will be safe in my arms

 

Lady I've got your number

I know you've got mine

Hand in hand we'll make our way through time

 

My strongest fears

all disappear

(when I) hold you near me

 

In my life things have gone just fine

But nothing more than you

In your days some things will go your way

But when it all seems to slip away

You will be safe

You will be safe in my arms

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