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"The Words You Say" (Pop)


Heckxx

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Hey everyone, I just finished mixing up another great song. Please take a listen, and let me know what you think! I appreciate any/all feedback.

 

http://www.box.net/shared/egvqsrtfjb

 

http://soundclick.com/share?songid=8758116

 

 

-Jeff

 

--------------------------------------------------------------

 

The Words You Say

 

jefftadashi+thewordsyousay2.jpg

 

[Verse1]

You're an animal

You are here to claim your toys

You are powerful

Beautiful and poised

You stare at me

And I fall apart at the seams

You whisper in my ear

A phrase of dishonesty

 

[Chorus]

Oh, the words you say

Hit me hard like a hurricane

I know that you're trouble

But I want it anyway

Oh, the words you say

Tear me up like a thousand blades

I know that you're trouble

But I want it anyway

 

[Verse2]

You smile at me

In that dirty sort of way

You stand so innocent

So temping but so fake

You lead me down a path

Flags are everywhere

I know I should go back

But part of me doesn't care

 

[bridge1]

(The words you say)

Hit me hard like a hurricane

Tear me up like a thousand blades

(The words you say)

Break me down into the ground

And I will never be the same

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I think this all mostly fits together quite well. I normally don't give specific suggestions but I think I'd consider changing "tear me up like a thousand blades" to "cut me up..." Call me a literalist. But, for me, it slices right to the image. (Pun intended. And, actually, slice would be an alternative, as well.) Actually, now that I'm thinking about it (ah, slippery slopes), I might almost lean toward tightening up the hurricane part, too. Maybe blow me around like a hurricane. Or even blow me away like a hurricane... Or something. Or... maybe not. :D

 

Anyhow, good job, Jeff. :)

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I like it. You've got a lot of talent with hooks, melody and arrangement. There are some phrasing issues with the last lines of each verse:

 

A phrase of dishonesty

 

But part of me doesn't care

 

I think those could be either re-written to facilitate a tighter rhythm or re-phrased rhythmically. Regarding hooks...

 

I think your stuff might benefit from trying to change up your instrumental comp hooks. You tend to get a hooky part and leave it in. The piano in this case.While this can be pretty catchy in one respect, it can also be a little Chinese Water Torture-esque. Don't get me wrong, it's really good...

 

... I just thing the song would be better if you figured a way to have a different instrumental hook in the chorus. Since this is something I've noticed you do regularly I thought I'd bring it up and something you might want to consider...

 

Nice work.

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Nice job! I would try to make the first chorus pop a little with more instrumentation and some harmonies / vocal ad-libs (like you started to add in the 2nd verse and chorus). And maybe think about changing up the rhythmn of the piano since it can get repetitive. Same for the bridge. Needs to be differentiated some more in my opinion.

 

I like the line "hit me hard like a hurricaine" as a hook in general. Nice idea to run with. I'd suggest refining some of the other lines a bit more, like "break me down into the ground".

 

Nice work again!

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Thanks for the feedback everyone, I appreciate it!

 

It never crossed my mind to use "cut me up like a thousand blades" instead of the "tear me up" version, "cut" does make alot more sense. Plus, when I pronounce it, it should have that nice cutting effect as well, very short and crisp and sibilant.

 

The "hurricane" line I never really liked too much, because it's a big awkward to sing with so many h's words, hence the messiness in the recording. I'll see if I can come up with something completely different, and ditch the hurricane symbolism if I can; the hurricane image is certainly not central to the lyrics here.

 

Instrument melody in the chorus? Got it! I was struggling to figure out what instruments to put in the chorus as filler. I'll screw around with some guitar lead sounds, or Rhodes, maybe even synth.

 

 

-Jeff

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