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The Martyr: Extremely bareboned version


Ontological

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Hey Guys,

 

New song I've been working on. Finally got around to recording it the other day. It's a bit on the long side too. Seven minutes plus. Ouch. I don't know how it got so long. I guess I just kept playing and writing and playing and writing and...

 

http://www.kompoz.com/compose-collaborate/home.track.project?_refresher=0.8150476&trackId=90506&projectId=18699#

 

The Martyr

 

Verse 1

Oh my child I

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Very interesting song, indeed. A song from a martyred ancestor begging from beyond the grave for peace not vengeance (as I read it).

 

It has an appropriate sound as you do it here. It works pretty well, I think. I did have a qualm about the glimpsing of murderous minds, though. I don't know what the dead see, but he's still alive in that verse and, so, the notion of him seeing those 'murderous minds' is a line-killer for me.

 

I also wondered about the they who own the lies the ancestor is warning about... is it a reference to those who urge vengeance or those who martyred the ancestor? Or both...?

 

It does feel more than a little bit long but the lift into a major mode at the end seems to ease that somewhat.

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HEy Blue,

 

Thanks for having a listen! I realize with a 7 minute song that's quite a commitment.:lol: Anyhow, the protagonist in this song floats in and out of the present and past. I guess that's why it's a bit confusing. But he's relating the story of what happened to him in the verse and in the other parts he pleads to his "children", whomever they may represent, to not strike back and to know that he died to save them. Hope that helps. Otherwise I'll have to conclude my lyrics were poorly conceived. :facepalm:

 

Cheers,

Deric

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Wow. That's cool. It reminds me of the darker Donovon stuff. Season of the Witch. Or Status Quo's Pictures of Matchstick Men or The Strangler's Golden Brown. Really cool.

 

I'm hearing stinging reverbed guitars in the back raising a ruckus. And dark drums. And drug dreams.

 

Very cool.

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It's working fine for me. I like the overall vibe and the guitar part is very cool with the droning notes, etc. I think I would like to hear the vocals with a bit more of an in-your-face sound rather than feeling like you are in a big room and really far from the mic...it works as is, but I would experiment with the other approach and see what you think. The vocal performance was right on though...I liked the way you delivered it...good emotion and kind of a haunting lilt in your voice. I do wonder if there would be anyway to tame the string squeaks on the guitar just a bit...they were just a little bit too prominent for my taste, but it's certainly not a song-killer. Very nice work here man!

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It's working fine for me. I like the overall vibe and the guitar part is very cool with the droning notes, etc. I think I would like to hear the vocals with a bit more of an in-your-face sound rather than feeling like you are in a big room and really far from the mic...it works as is, but I would experiment with the other approach and see what you think. The vocal performance was right on though...I liked the way you delivered it...good emotion and kind of a haunting lilt in your voice. I do wonder if there would be anyway to tame the string squeaks on the guitar just a bit...they were just a little bit too prominent for my taste, but it's certainly not a song-killer. Very nice work here man!

 

 

 

Believe it or not those squeaks were worse. I had a ton of reverb on them and it was like finger nails on a chalkboard. They still bug me. How do you limit those irritating things anyhow? Anybody know?

 

Cheers,

Deric

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