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He's Like a Hurricane - Lyrics Only


lank81

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This came to me while working the other day? I'm usually not much of a story teller in my writing but have been a little more interested in that route as of late (been on a Young/Dylan listening kick lately). Anyways, any feedback would be cool, just putting it out there.

 

There's a man over there that never seemed to care

So tangled in the answer that life's now passed him

Tragic to the eye but fulfilled with the beholder

Those bewildered from the destruction

Have no answer but move on cause they have to

 

Like a Hurricane

He leaves destruction

Cares not the damage

Which comes from his forces

Like a Hurricane

He leaves destruction

A wake of tragedy

In which they mourn

 

There's a woman whose been part of seduction

Her dreams of lovers entangled has fallen apart

Debris of love spent clutters the highway

Which leads to nowhere

Same place I've visited last year

 

Like a Hurricane

He leaves destruction

Cares not the damage

Which comes from his forces

Like a Hurricane

He leaves destruction

A wake of tragedy

In which they mourn

 

There's an old man sitting over there

Once young now gray and solemn

Despite the triumphs the wreckage haunts his last years

As the wells run dry

His destruction bled the ones who bleed

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Haven't had a chance to sit down with your song yet but I'm sure you know there's already a Neil Young Song called "Like a Hurricane" and a Scorpions song called "Rock You Like a Hurricane," as well as the Dylan mystery/crime ballad, "Hurricane." It's a well-trammeled square of turf... ;)

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Haven't had a chance to sit down with your song yet but I'm sure you know there's already a Neil Young Song called "Like a Hurricane" and a Scorpions song called "Rock You Like a Hurricane," as well as the Dylan mystery/crime ballad, "Hurricane." It's a well-trammeled square of turf...
;)

 

Yes, Huge Young fan and love Dylan as well. I thought of what leaves destruction in its wake and Hurricane came to mind. Earthquake, Tidal Wave, Tornado, natural disasters that all destroy but they didn't do it for me. :facepalm:

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It's not bad. It's safe, if not a little tired, because of the hurricane reference.

 

You might consider using a synonym: storm, gale, tempest, tornado, cyclone, typhoon, whirlwind, twister

 

One last thing and I promise I'll leave you alone ;) in the last verse second line, I would include tangled/entangled again. I think it works well. You are describing him as a hurricane (which I dont know when the last time you rode one out they make you feel really small and like they are all powerful) but he is actually trapped

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It's not bad. It's safe, if not a little tired, because of the hurricane reference.


You might consider using a synonym: storm, gale, tempest, tornado, cyclone, typhoon, whirlwind, twister


One last thing and I promise I'll leave you alone
;)
in the last verse second line, I would include tangled/entangled again. I think it works well. You are describing him as a hurricane (which I dont know when the last time you rode one out they make you feel really small and like they are all powerful) but he is actually trapped

 

Always up for some suggestions and I like the idea of incorporating tangled/entangled in their again. As for the last time I was in a Hurricane, quite a while, probably 21 years ago. As for the trapped part, well, sorta. I mean it's about a man who does what he wants and doesn't look at his responsibilties. He doesn't care about the others it hurts. He does what he wants and even though he triumphed (in his mind), at the end, there's nothing there but himself because all the other stuff - charm, whatever has gone away.

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Finally had a chance to sit down and ponder these lyrics.

 

I like the three part, parallel construction; it's a good technique although sometimes it can lean to feeling formulaic. Here, the sense of mysterious tumult and lack of explicit sensibility keeps thing off-center enough that we're happy for the familiar structure, I think.

 

In fact, there were a number of times working through this that I felt like things sounded like they made more sense than they might actually, explicitly make. A number of phrases sounded meaningful, portentous... but on closer inspection, the meaning seemed all but impossible to really pin down. That might work to intrigue the listener -- or it might frustrate him if he thinks you're just stringing bits and pieces together or stringing along the listener.

 

Yet, there's no question that you're getting at something real and really rather universal here, which I suspect has a lot to do with people who do think it's all about them -- or at least are so involved with their own personal dramas that they may seem to lack interest in or compassion for others.

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I would have to say most of my stuff is very formula oriented. VCVCBC, or VVCVC. Very pop structured. Any suggestions on breaking out of the forumla rut? I've only been writing songs for a couple of years and I always wanna try to follow a forumla for some reason compared to poetry which I can just let run wild at times. Alos blue, thanks for the thoughts on how the song might resonate with the listener. Definitely some good info to digest.

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The opening two lines are great. They set the table and draw me in. But the third line; Tragic to the eye but fulfilled with the beholder; makes me stop and go, "Huh ? " It trips up the flow of the story for the listener (at least this listener/reader). Maybe musically it flows better. I guess the lines after it clarify that. But "fulfilled with the beholder" doesn't read easily. [ a song is more than a poem though]

 

Chorus works fine; maybe "Wake of tragedy" instead of "tragic." It's a tenses thing that can confuse.

 

Seems pretty good.

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Marshal,

After reading it over again, I definitely think that 3rd line could use a change. I'll think of something tonight and post the change, unless you have a suggestion. As for tragic / tragedy ... yes, the tense should be changed. Sometimes when I type/write things come out of my mind half way and the other half stays in, same with tense. I should proofread more often :). Thanks for the input.

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That line is representative of the sort of thing I was worried might be distracting to the listener. Convoluted wordplay can be fun to untangle and, when carefully crafted, can pack a lot of multi-layered communication into a small package of words -- but it can also slow or even stop the momentum of communication between the songwriter and the listener.

 

 

With regard to formulas (formulae?), repetition and ritual can be comforting to the listener (as well as greasing the songwriting gears), but if one finds himself going around in circles with too much reliance on a small set of standard approaches, it can rob the joy and discovery out of songwriting.

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