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Critiques and thoughts on new demos


mathewsnow

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Heya. I'm writing material for a new EP and would like to hear some detailed feedback regarding the structure and lyrics. I'm not so much looking for critiques on instrumental performance as it will be corrected when the final versions go to tape.

 

The songs in question are two Blues-Rock tunes which can be found here:

 

'Self-Induced Insomnia': http://www.mathewsnow.com/?section=music-22

 

'Eden': http://www.mathewsnow.com/music-21.html

 

Looking forward to hearing what y'all have to say!

-mS

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f6yqpfoX0E4

 

Text version:

 

First a big, friendly cut-n-paste welcome to the Songwriting Forum!

 

The basic mission of the forum is the discussion of the art and craft of songwriting and offering assistance with feedback and constructive criticism on works in progress. Of course, giving thoughtful comment requires some time and energy. You'll probably want to look at the Rules and Resources sticky thread for guidelines on getting the most out of the forum.

 

Like so much in life -- what you get out of it will likely depend on what you put in...

 

We hope you'll share your insight with others when they're looking for critiques -- it's a great way to let people get to know you. And the more that people know you as someone who is willing to help out, the more eager they'll be to help you when you're looking for some good ol' constructive crit.

 

:)

 

________

blue2blue

moderator, songwriting forum

 

 

SW Forum Guidelines and Resources

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Now... onto the music. I listened to "Self-Induced Insomnia."

 

I love the super-minimalist, way-past-midnight blues feel of the intro and when it finally kicks into gear it does it in a surprisingly organic way that gives the full benefit of both sections by the juxtaposition.

 

I don't normally weigh in at length on lyrics unless they're posted somewhere (too easy to mishear, sometimes fairly comically, in my case, which can be amusing, but is, after all a bit of a distraction), but what few bits rose to me seemed to fit the mood and feel. We try not to get too caught up in performance/production issues here in the SW forum, but I think they overall work pretty well, music and vocals seeming to fit the song nicely. (Seemed like there might be a little rattly/crackly distortion that might reflect a too-hot master or rip into mp3, but, again, that's for some other forum. ;) )

 

 

Good stuff. Enjoyed the ride!

 

:)

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thanks for your comments!

 

And RE: The copy and paste welcome-- I fully intend to give back to the community as soon as the opportunity arises (the sticky thread with all the song posts is just too overwhelming), I just figured I'd hit the ground running. :) good tip on the lyrics; if i want critiques, I should post them:

 

'Self-Induced Insomnia'

 

Been waiting on a feeling

But time she

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Ah... yeah... the big sticky is basically there to leave the main forum free for critiques on works in progress. It was there long before I came onboard and will likely be there long after. ;)

 

There's also a semi-anything-goes Monthly Showcase Thread usually lurking around somewhere. (You can always find it by following the links in the Resources/Rules thread.)

 

The lyrics seem to fit the late night blues angle pretty well. I must say the anthropomorphism of time as a she is interesting... We're certainly used to seeing folks refer to time as an old man (and occasionally a baby) but I'd never thought of time as having a feminine aspect... it's an idea perhaps worth exploring in more depth. Maybe not in this song, which seems to be fairly put together at this point, but it's interestingly fertile territory, perhaps... no pun intended.

 

Glad to have you on board!

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You know, I may have an English degree, emphasis is Creative Writing no less, but I usually pay little or no attention to lyrics. The only time a lyric stands out is when it is absolutely brilliant or so lame that I cringe a little. Well, no cringing here, so I'd say you're on to something :)

 

Overall, the song is really good. The lyrics fit and I absolutely love the gritty, almost muffled sound. I feel like I'm in a club, opening the door to the main room where the band is playing. Or like I am watching a movie in which someone is talking on a pay phone while the band is playing. I'm there, man.

 

I am a bit ADD with music, though, so the slow intro made we wonder if anything was going to happen. I was not expecting the song to pick up. I can say the same of a lot of songs, though. I would have liked a hint about half-way through the intro that something would change.

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I am a bit ADD with music, though, so the slow intro made we wonder if anything was going to happen. I was not expecting the song to pick up. I can say the same of a lot of songs, though. I would have liked a hint about half-way through the intro that something would change.

 

Any idea on how I could provide a subtle clue that things are about to get loud?Thanks for your comments man!:wave:

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@junkyard bennie: could you please expand that critique?

 

 

 

The song/lyrics came across as if you were just going "trial by error" and making something that just sounds like you were wondering into empty space. Although the end of the song says it all, "I felt you cut yourself short throughout the song". I think you may have felt something was missing and said what the heck, but that is not what you should be striving for. If it is and you are happy then that is all that should matter to you. But you should look clearly at a beginning and end with a clear statement about the song, that is something I did not see in your work.

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Any idea on how I could provide a subtle clue that things are about to get loud?Thanks for your comments man!
:wave:

 

Sorry, I didn't mean to comment and bail!

 

Anyway, I can only give a fairly vague idea, but I was waiting for the introduction of drums throughout the beginning. You could add a subtle drum beat or maybe just some hats to add a little extra tension. Or begin a drum intro and cut it short.

 

Another possible idea, add a simplified version of your loud riff to your quiet part, maybe half-way through. But keep it subtle, simple, and in the background. Bring it in and drop it out. Maybe EQ the hell out of it to push it back in the mix.

 

Just ideas.

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thanks davesacre. It was suggested elsewhere that I get to the loud part at 1:00 rather than 1:38...but that would mean cutting out a verse during the slow part, which I don't think would really work....but I have yet to try.

 

Others have suggested bringing in drums sooner...so that's a route I will definitely try as well.

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