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It's trite I know, but it's a country song?


rockinrobby

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Ah, regret. A very powerful place to write from.

Looks nice. Simple, ambiguous enough to be universal yet specific enough to mean something personal.

Very nice.

 

I didn't set out to be that guy is a neat way of phrasing that sentiment. Sums it up rather nicely.

What's trite about it?

 

EG

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Well, the lyrics are coherent and sound like they might flow pretty well. There's a place or two where the rhymes might sound a little forced but that judgment will really have to wait, I think, until we can hear the words joined up with the music.

 

The lyrics do seem a little open ended... we hear that he didn't set out to be the man in her life, that it's been hard, but, beyond that, the relationship is a bit of a cypher. That said, as we've noted here before, a certain amount of artful vagueness actually can help raise scores in the universality column... the less you tie the song down to specifics, the more 'portable' it may be. But if you don't give them enough detail and particularity, the song will seem vague and featureless. It's a tough balancing act.

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the song sounds solid to me. the only suggestion i have is to throw in a different chord extension on the g-shaped chord you use when you hit the line, "it hasn't been easy" to differentiate it from the rest of the verse. instead of a straight g shape you can put move the top note either down to the b string or you can leave the e string open to make it more of a suspended chord. that's my only critique. i also listened to cool guitars and digged it.

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Thanks guys, yeah this is version two of the lyrics, the first version was, I didn't set out to be that guy, with a tarp, a shovel and a bucket of lye in (in the trunk) the glove does fit, but they won't find it, I didn't set out to be that guy. I figured if the ex comes up missing, that could have been "exhibit A", so I did a re-write :-)

 

I'll start working on "the production" soon, the drums, bass, guitar, mandolin, dobro or steel guitar, lead guitar, maybe my bowtar :-) harmonies, etc... MORE COWBELL!!

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Ahhh I'm not posting that version... I'm trying to be more careful these days? Ever since I signed up for a forum account at Planters nuts? I love the dry roasted... Well I gave myself the moniker, "the nut gobbler?" It was an honest mistake? You wouldn't believe the PMs I got... So now, I'm trying to be more careful in every way.

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Good idea. Nice execution.

 

I'd work harder to come up with a much stronger opening line. What you have is okay. It just doesn't have enough oomph for me. I feel like when you're working in the country vein, you really gotta come out swinging with that first verse.

 

And it takes you something like seven lines to get around to letting us know that there's another character in this story. I'd argue to make that artfully evident right out of the gate. People like to have a good idea what somebody is singing about with just a few words out of their mouths. You had me guessing till you got to the chorus. Which is really nice and elegant, by the way.

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Good idea. Nice execution.


I'd work harder to come up with a much stronger opening line. What you have is okay. It just doesn't have enough oomph for me. I feel like when you're working in the country vein, you really gotta come out swinging with that first verse.

. . . ,

 

 

I was gonna say something like that myself. The overall tune is very good. I like the "I didn't set out to be that guy" line. Strong clear, yet unique line. But I think opening lines are important to grab the listener's ear. And "When I was out there on my own" is not strong. I'd rather have an "image" presented. It can just be something visual (or unique sonically) that grabs my attention. (Even just unique sounding words) It's relevance may not be explained until later in the song. But I like something that grabs the listener in a unique way and draws them into the story. There's nothing unique about; "When I was out there on my own." Ho-hum. Anybody could say that.

 

(Now if you followed it up with a striking second line like; "I'd fight my dog to get the bone." that might spark some real interest. You can take a simple phrase and turn it on it's head. It doesn't have to be the first line. But you only get one chance to make a first impression.)

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Quicker to the punch? I hear you..


Like this?


I actually wish I'd written this one...

 

 

Oh yeah - absolutely. It's a novelty song, so you can get away with those kind of cheap tricks, cuss words and whatnot. But it's still a totally great example: Titties and Bear. What's that? LIke a 1 second in and you know what it's all about.

 

I have a lot of respect for that kind of accomplishment, even in a goof song.

 

But again - your song is cool. Just some word tweaks was all I was suggesting at the top

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And I don't think you necessarily need an image. I mean, an image is great. But I wouldn't box myself in. Just something - anything - that spells it out quick or clever for your listener. Something that sums up or gives a strong hint about the essence of what you're trying to say. Probably a million different ways to do it.

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