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More Than A Miracle....(less than perfect lyrics)


LeonardScaper

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Can't say that I'm happy with how these lyrics came together. I do get to wandering.

 

Little help?:wave:

 

More Than A Miracle

 

In cold darkness

And yesterday's clothes

I stumbled into Monday

And tumbled down slow

Yes I got the message

But it was so soft and low

It was the ageless angel singing so clear

With the voice of a stranger

The man in the mirror

 

They said it shouldn't take much more

Than a miracle

To get you through

It shouldn't take that much more

It shouldn't take much more

Than a miracle

 

I was blown down cold

Left for old and dying

Ready to sell my soul

Guess I wouldn't make much

Now I know

That it shouldn't take much

 

'Cause while I was driving

I heard the voice of the angel

She spoke to me

From the buckeye tree

She got me smilin'

When she told me

That it shouldn't take much

 

She said it shouldn't take much more

That a miracle

To get you through

It shouldn't take that much more

 

etc., etc., etc.

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I haven't listened yet but I love every line. With one exception. What great writing. Really.

 

Except man in the mirror. You don't need it. It's too cliche when you have perfectly crafted and felt images. Then... we get the man in the mirror. Too much "songcraft" and out of character with the tone if you ask me. I'd drop him.

 

But the rest of it? Like I said, I haven't listened but, it doesn't meander lyrically. It speaks. Cool.

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Well then.........I'm looking for the image of 'me' having a bit of a 'talking to' with 'myself' along with the voice of 'my' angel. The 'voice of the stranger' is 'the man in the mirror'.

 

And......I like that it worked out as one of those not quite rhymes with 'clear'. Hmmmm.........maybe there's a way to keep 'mirror' in there.....

 

Thanks, Lee.

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In cold darkness

And yesterday's clothes

I stumbled into Monday

And tumbled down slow

Yes I got the message

But it was so soft and low

It was the ageless angel singing so clear

With the voice of a stranger

The man in the mirror

Everything is bangin' up to the last line. It's been done before (MJ) so it comes off as cliche. "And familiar eyes in the mirror" could work, but I don't think it fits the space you have.

 

They said it shouldn't take much more

Than a miracle

To get you through

It shouldn't take that much more

It shouldn't take much more

Than a miracle

I'm not in love with the chorus. It works, but it doesn't hit as hard as the verses. Don't have any real suggestions here.

 

I was blown down cold

Left for old and dying

Ready to sell my soul

Guess I wouldn't make much

I like the way "make much" plays against "take much", but still it feels uncomfortable. "Guess that wouldn't fetch much" seems more natural to me.

Now I know

That it shouldn't take much

 

'Cause while I was driving

I heard the voice of the angel

She spoke to me

From the buckeye tree

I'm gonna guess "buckeye tree" has some personal significance, but it doesn't translate well to me.

She got me smilin'

When she told me

That it shouldn't take much

 

She said it shouldn't take much more

That a miracle

To get you through

It shouldn't take that much more

 

etc., etc., etc.

 

Maybe try tranposing this up a third? Your voice trails off badly on "clothes" and "slow" ending the first and third lines. Apparently those notes are a little below your range.

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OK.....so far I'm leaning toward 'the voice of a stranger comin' back through the mirror'. Thanks Lee.....

 

And.....you are spot on about those low notes. I left them there for this offering knowing that I'd be warming up that vocal mic again this weekend. You picked up what I had hoped for with make/take much. I'll see if I can get that part to flow better.

 

The Buckeye Tree needs to stay, and the chorus will stay in its essence but we'll see what happens with it this time around performance-wise.

 

I have Someone to thank for all of that.:wave:

 

Hey. Ram....was that a buckeye tree that killed Camus?

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I'm not at all upset with "the man in the mirror." It moves by quickly. You've established well in advance that this is not a Michael Jackson song. It's an original work, and it's a fleeting reference, makes a recognizeable point, and moves on.

 

Culture builds on the culture that proceeds it. You've made a fleeting reference to past musical culture. But you use it in your own way to give meaning to your totally new story. I've got no problem with it. In fact it will probably stick in somebody's memory because of the slight reference. It's a tongue-in-cheek thing.

 

Though, "coming back through the mirror" probably works nicely too. (albeit more forgettably so) ;) ;) ;) ;)

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Culture
builds on the
culture
that proceeds it. You've made a fleeting reference to past
musical culture
.

 

This is a great point and one that I appreciate. I have found myself, in recent songs, making other oblique references to music that influenced me.......although MJ is not really one of my main influences.:wave:

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Damn Lenny, I want to be you when I grow up... But unfortunately, "that" will never happen. :-(

 

 

And, growing up with Lenny was amazing! You haven't lived until you have heard Lenny banging out the drums with his fingers, on a desk, while listening to Wipe Out.... Hand that boy almost any instrument, and he would find a way to make it sing.

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Hey Eunice.........you have been putting up some pretty good stuff yourself.

 

 

Heehee, Eunice isn't my name, Lenny. lol. That's my "stage name". lol I want contradictions in my stuff. Like the rather off the wall name of Eunice HAIRBURGER...I picture someone who looks very strange and perhaps not overly attractive. I personally am no oil painting, but I'm alright. lol. Also, my song titles...Sock Puppet Massacre, Shopping Trolley Suicide, etc...you may think they could be a bit rock-y, violent, punk-ish. Then when you hear the folky-pop sound...another contradiction! This = Eunice Hairburger...lol

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