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A Germ of Something (10/19)


rsadasiv

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Brattahlid

 

A crack echoes down the fjord

As the glacier's iceberg calves

Into the waiting sea

 

Standing on my stony beach

Hay field rises to the farm

I named it Brattahlid

 

The skraelings bob

In their skin boats

Awaiting the coming wave

 

I killed a man in Trondheim

I killed a man in Skells

In fights for ships and love

 

The blood price paid, exile

Banished to the western lands.

My ship, my love and hope.

 

A great house I promised her

To steal her to this land

I broke the beams from my boat

To erect it to her plan

 

Now she lies beneath that cross

And I on my stony beach

Each year the hay grows less

Last cow was gone last spring

I should be off, but this is my home

And besides, where would I go?

 

The skraelings bob

In their skin boats

Awaiting the coming wave

 

Which crashes on the jutting rocks

The icy spray comes down like rain

The salt, the wind, sod turned to dust

And blown away by fate

 

Or the yearning for the lands of my birth

The traditions and customs

The time honored practices

That make me who I am.

 

The skraelings bob

In their skin boats

Awaiting the coming wave

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That is pretty cool. I dont pretend to be too familiar with this style but I like what you have so far, ALOT.

 

Just an idea. It might be neat to have the narrator overrun by the next generation of raiders and as he is about to be cut down by them, this song is his appeal to them. You could take it two ways here

 

1) Stop the killing, settle down, make things work as the narrator had not been able to

 

2) Dont stop the raiding. Never settle down. After all, this is the culture the narrator still yearns for all these years later.

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OK, now that's cool. Perhaps just me...the Viking period of English history is among my favorites. My first study of Beowulf caused great fascination with their dark, fatalistic world view. "Fate may save an undoomed man if his courage is good." I thought "Damn, these dudes knew how to do somber!

 

The LAST cow was gone LAST spring bugs me a bit with the repeated word, but it's an excellent lyric. :thu:

 

EG

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Well done - it's more than a germ.:)

 

Am I correct that this about the end of the western Greenland settlement during the Little Ice Age?

 

You might want to convey more strongly that the narrator is the last remaining settler, and that upon his demise the site will be deserted.

 

Picky technical point - As the world got colder, glaciers advanced. Perhaps instead of calving, the glacier could encroach further onto his former farmland.

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Well done - it's more than a germ.
:)

 

Thanks. :love:

 

Am I correct that this about the end of the western Greenland settlement during the Little Ice Age?

 

Yes. I have some reservations about Diamond's science, but his examples have been strangely inspiring.

 

Picky technical point - As the world got colder, glaciers advanced. Perhaps instead of calving, the glacier could encroach further onto his former farmland.

 

I wanted to bring the current state of affairs into play alongside the historical (one of Diamond's points as well) but you are absolutely correct about the history. Have to think about how to resolve this. :idea:

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Ok, I did a little google research, and while I am not a glacier expert, it seems a growing glacier can definitely still calve, and depending on the rate of growth, the size of the sea ice footing, the local terrain and the temperature of the sea water it could potentially calve even more than a retreating glacier.

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Now she lies beneath that cross

 

And I on my stony beach

 

Each year the hay grows less

 

Last cow was gone last spring

 

I should be off, but this is my home

 

And besides, where would I go?

 

 

The "voice" throughout is rather dramatic, but the last line of this section seems weaker. Almost apologetic. It doesn't do any real damage, but I can't help but imagine you might find a more elegant way to say that.

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Brattahlid


A crack echoes down the fjord

As the glacier's iceberg calves

Into the waiting sea


Standing on my stony beach

Hay field rises to the farm

I named it Brattahlid


The skraelings bob

In their skin boats

Awaiting the coming wave


I killed a man in Trondheim

I killed a man in Skells

In fights for ships and love


The blood price paid, exile

Banished to the western lands.

My ship, my love and hope.


A great house I promised her

To steal her to this land

I broke the beams from my boat

To erect it to her plan


Now she lies beneath that cross

And I on my stony beach

Each year the hay grows less

Last cow was gone last spring

I should be off, but this is my home

And besides, where would I go?


The skraelings bob

In their skin boats

Awaiting the coming wave


Which crashes on the jutting rocks

The icy spray comes down like rain

The salt, the wind, sod turned to dust

And blown away by fate


Or the yearning for the lands of my birth

The traditions and customs

The time honored practices

That make me who I am.


The skraelings bob

In their skin boats

Awaiting the coming wave

 

I feel cold and lonely.

 

 

 

;)

 

Obviously, as far as conveying a feeling of a time, place, and life, I think it works.

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Ok, I did a little google research, and while I am not a glacier expert, it seems a growing glacier can definitely still calve, and depending on the rate of growth, the size of the sea ice footing, the local terrain and the temperature of the sea water it could potentially calve even more than a retreating glacier.

 

 

I didn't mean to imply that growing glaciers don't calve (I'm sure that they do, although I'm no expert either).

 

I only wanted to suggest that a glacier advancing over what was once a farm could be quite a powerful image.

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I didn't mean to imply that growing glaciers don't calve (I'm sure that they do, although I'm no expert either).


I only wanted to suggest that a glacier advancing over what was once a farm could be quite a powerful image.

 

 

I know basically nothing about glaciers. Could that happen over the course of one man's lifetime?

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I woke up this morning thinking about this one. I like it a lot. (I sound like a robospammer!)

 

I'd love to hear this to music. I'm really interested to see how this literary style voice translates to song. I think it will be really unique and very cool.

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I'd love to hear this to music. I'm really interested to see how this literary style voice translates to song.

 

 

I can definitely foresee some difficulties there, but right now I'm just trying to follow the feeling and finding out where it takes me. Certainly, lots of editing to be done before this stuff goes in the can - hopefully the path forward will be clearer then.

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I can definitely foresee some difficulties there, but right now I'm just trying to follow the feeling and finding out where it takes me. Certainly, lots of editing to be done before this stuff goes in the can - hopefully the path forward will be clearer then.

 

 

 

But your NWA/Kinks mashup concept seemed to fit this. I liked that.

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