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Give it time


brett567

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Hey, Brett!

 

There's an endearing sincerity to this track, despite the multiple layers of gentle irony that accumulate as the portrait of a rootless protagonist drifting in a post-broken heart haze takes shape. The vocal complements that portrait nicely, I think, a little rough in spots, but giving body to a lazily meandering melody. We might want for a little more focus, a little brighter line in the storytelling, and perhaps just a little more reticence to settle in the rhyme department -- but none of that dims the simple charms of this tune.

 

Studio rat hint: don't adjust the mic while you're recording. ;)

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Hey, Brett
!


There's an endearing sincerity to this track, despite the multiple layers of gentle irony that accumulate as the portrait of a rootless protagonist drifting in a post-broken heart haze takes shape. The vocal complements that portrait nicely, I think, a little rough in spots, but giving body to a lazily meandering melody. We might want for a little more focus, a little brighter line in the storytelling, and perhaps just a little more reticence to
settle
in the rhyme department -- but none of that dims the simple charms of this tune.


Studio rat hint: don't adjust the mic while you're recording.
;)

 

Hmmm... I didnt??? odd... what made you say that??? Just wondering

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You should post lyricis... It helps to read them as opposed to trying to hear/understand them.

 

You got Blew to respond to your track? Something I'm incapable of doing, so I congratulate you for that. He was talking about the mic adjustment because of the VERY rouge nature of this recording. It is "raw." It sounds like you're moving the mic in places? I can hear what you're going for though (as can blew) gotsa Dynan vibe thanks to the 1/4/5 ness of the chords and the mouth harp. And the "Towlie" nature of the vox and production.

 

Towelie.gif

 

I did enjoy your toon.

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Very Dylanesque. I like it a lot.

 

If it were mine I'd focus on the arrangement - I find that the big danger with these simple acoustic jigs is they can wear out their welcome pretty quickly. That sound gets kinda samey and tired after a spell. So you have to keep moving it along, unless the song has an especially powerful melody or words.

 

In your thing I liked the harmonica intro and the first verse alright. I was just about to stop playing it after you repeated that intro verse for the second time - I was getting kinda bored and felt it wasn't going anywhere. Then it did go somewhere. And I liked where it went. Why make us wait for the bes part of the song? I'm all about getting where you're going faster. Especially since your taking all that time with those sweet harmonica fills - I'd advocate taking some of that fat out of the song to make room for more of that.

 

And I'd consider whether you need to repeat the Rock and Roll star stuff at the end - I'm of the school that a song should end at a different place than where it started move too a peak or wind down or something. Circling back just doesn't seem all that interesting; unless it's a song that starts with a badass intro or chorus or something - Like I Get Around or whatever.

 

Or don't change anything at all. Those are pretty much nitpicks and I have no idea about your style or other inclinations - having not listened to your other stuff. But you asked for an outside view on the structure.

 

You gotta chill country folk thing going on so stick with what you love. Any critique I ever give is always about making stuff tight tight tight tighter!!!

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I like it. Agreed on the Dylan-ness but whoever said that's a bad thing?!!!!

 

Another poster mentioned 'sameyness', I don't know about that to be honest, it's a good song and there are subtle changes throughout. Maybe get a percussionist or bass player in to open out the arrangement.

 

It's good to hear someone who can actually get tone out of a harmonica as well, it never starts grating at any point in the tune..

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