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2 songs......tell me waht you think please.thanks


bofl

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Hi, Mark...

 

I listened to "Let Me In."

 

(I usually try to focus my comments on one song, since it can take a while to give thoughtful, hopefully helpful constructive crit. It's OK to post more than one work in progress at a time -- but we encourage a focus on one song, because it can be helpful to get multiple points of view on a given song. I'm the mod for this forum, so that's why I'm talking about these practical matters. BTW, there are some guidelines to getting the best out of the forum in this sticky thread:Forum Rules / Guidelines / Resources :: :: :: :: PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING Don't worry if you didn't read it before posting -- no one seems to see it up there. :D )

 

Jumping off from your post asking what I think -- I think MySpace has got to be the worst place a person can put his music. :D However, after the page refused to load properly, I got it to finally come in on a refresh. (There's a long list of alternatives to MySpace in the guidelines sticky; my current faves are SoundCloud for works in progress -- they have a neat interface that allows visitors to tag comments to specific places in a song and their free accounts work out pretty well for stuff that won't be DL'd a bunch of times; and Bandcamp for finished works that one might want to sell. But there are a jillion options.)

 

I typically refrain from extended comment on lyrics unless they're posted (too easy to misunderstand or misinterpret).

 

The song itself has a nice, traditional pop structure. Wedded to the chilled down trip-pop backtracks, your Anglo-soul vocal seems a little hot, up-front (I don't mean loud, but it is quite loud vis a vis the backtracks). That could provide a nice contrast, but, at least with the not-quite-in-balance levels (from my point of view) the vocal seems a bit fish-out-of-water here.

 

I'm not sure that the application of tuning-as-effect does anything to make the vocal fit into the subdued trip hop backdrop (and I suspect you don't need the vocal pitch correction -- I'm guessing you're a pretty good conventional singer; these things are a matter of taste but the Auto-Tune effect is getting a bit stale from my point of view [as you can imagine, I think Owl City sounds like he's stuck in the early 2000's]; however, that is not a songwriting issue. ;) )

 

Since your vocal seems a bit more neo-soul than anything, I wonder if taking your arrangement more in that direction might not give a tighter package, all in all. But, that said, there are no rules. I thought the basic song seemed to have a nice melodic flow. And, who knows, with a little mix-tinkering, lowering the vocal level to seat more into the music, some of my qualms about the trip hop background might evaporate. Sometimes a bit of jarring contrast really can make for a memorable song that stands out.

 

Keep up the good work!

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i haven't used this forum too much so i have now read the rules!

 

thanks for the ideas of where to post songs on other sites................

 

the vocal :

 

neo-soul! that's a new one...........

 

the recording level/effects are mainly down to incompetence on my part..

 

i didnt really tune it much.........very tiny amount of reverb.

 

i do have an extremely loud voice when needed so i was trying to get a very rich ,round sound,yet still with some 'soul' ie expression/emotion- leading to a big finish...........

 

i had to record it in my lounge with my head under a blanket..on my knees .to cut out the reverb ! (unemployed)

 

i don't want to say too much more at present as i would like to read some other opinions......

 

is it ok to leave post here or will you move it?

 

 

thanks,mark

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