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New old song - thoughts?


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I've had this song sitting around for a while. It's a tongue-in-cheek thing with a 70's punk feel (at least that's what I was aiming for) about one of those annoying people you meet on the net (no, not anyone here) who responds to everyone with snide put-downs combined with preaching his personal philosophy on things (over and over and over ... well you get the idea).

 

You'll find it here: http://www.soundclick.com/keithfoster - first track "as yet untitled"

 

Couple of things I'd like to ask:

 

1. Does it matter that it has only 2 chords all the way through?

2. Is it something I should consider putting on my next album, even though it's very different from any other song on there?

3. (Okay I said "a couple" but I was lying) Any thoughts on a title? "I don't care" seems a bit too literal and I've been wondering whether to call it OMG, LOL or something of that ilk. Thoughts?

 

Thanks in advance for listening - hope you enjoy :)

 

Lyric:

 

I don't know why you think you're so clever (clever)

I don't know where you got the idea

it feels like you've been bitching for ever (ever)

now let me make this perfectly clear

 

I don't care

I don't care where you get your inspiration

please don't ever take me there

 

You've spouted every word of your thesis (thesis)

the tolerance is starting to crack

you've bitten everybody to pieces (pieces)

and now you seem surprised they bite back

 

It isn't such a difficult notion (notion)

you hardly need a masters degree

I really wish you'd fall in the ocean (ocean)

at least then you'd stop pestering me

 

I don't mind

I don't mind but you really must excuse me

'cos I know what I will find

 

I don't care

I don't care where you get your inspiration

please don't ever take me there

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Title "I don't care"...the words are hard to hear in the chorus...it felt like it needed to repeat the the "I don't care line multiple times when you get to it...keep hitting it...2 chords are fine in a 1:42 but in 3 minutes a bridge might be nice.

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at least then you'd stop pestering me

 

 

It's well done, catchy, with a very clever lyric. Your thesis/pieces rhyme is very clever.

 

There's only one thing that could use a little work, which is the line I've quoted above. It feels a little awkward, rhythmically.

 

Maybe "at least you might stop pestering me..." ? That scans better.

 

LCK

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Very good as is. Fun and catchy. I think the title should be "Lolcats", and if you could shoehorn in a little intro with acoustic bass and synth percussion a la "Lovecats" by the Cure it would be amusing.

 

If you really want to break out of the two chords you could do a different progression (a bridge!?! :idea:) under the fill between the chorus and the verse.

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I think you need a bridge, with some new chords.

 

But this is a very good start - and a real good illustration of how you can take two chords and use rhythm, melody and arrangement to break monotony.

 

Vocally and stylistically it reminds me of Steven Page formerly of Barenaked Ladies. That's high praise from me, b/c I love him.

 

Maybe define her in the bridge a little more. The whole thing is really cool.

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I enjoyed it. I can see the Barenaked Ladies comparison. If you wanted to mine that influence, perhaps a brief interlude at the end and then a spacey change of pace bridge, with loads of echo and single strums on the guitar. I was invested enough that I would have listened on had the song gone into something like this.

 

I'm not a huge fan of this line:

 

 

please don't ever take me there

 

 

The placement suggest it should be one of the strongest lines in the song, and it didn't feel that way to me. Other than that, though, great stuff!

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The placement suggest it should be one of the strongest lines in the song, and it didn't feel that way to me.

Y'know I think you're right. I hadn't really thought about it but it is placed where it should be one of the strongest lines.

 

I have quite a few songs to complete to get my album ready - and it needs to be ready in the next few weeks - so I have my work cut out as it is, but I'll definitely see if I can take some of the ideas from this thread onboard.

 

Cheers :)

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