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Mr Superior


grace_slick

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Well, this isn't anything I'm hugely thrilled with, but I hadn't done anything for a while, so here.

 

I'm especially not happy with the bridge, but that usually comes last for me, so it'll be edited later. I only put the vocals on there to have the words down, but they don't fit at all. It's like 2 separate songs going together at the same time and clashing. Badly, lol.

 

I'm also aware the vocals aren't placed well in the mix. That'll come later too.

 

http://picosong.com/L5Q

 

Mr Superior

 

Oh there you are

Sittin on your high horse again

Do ya know how it feels to be

Looked down upon

Over your nose

Oh, it

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I agree with your own assesment about the vocals are not sittng right...On your "High horse" sounds very cliche...this might be one of those that comes out of the closet when it is no longer trying to find its way...

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Solid lyrics, and although "high horse" is a bit cliche like tbry said, I think it fits well and doesn't come off sounding cliche...if that makes any sense. The "high horse" line adds more weight to the next lines "Do ya know how it feels to be, Looked down upon, Over your nose, Oh, it

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I was thinking about your song as I came up the front steps, and had a funny idea. What if at the end of the song, or toward the end, she sings something along the lines of,

 

Mr. Superior I adore you.

Did I just say that?

I meant I abhor you.

I really do hate you.

I really can't stand you.

I think I might love you.

 

Not again!

Go away! Go away!

But what will I do

without you to hate?

 

or something like that.

 

A possibly interesting twist.

 

LCK

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I was thinking about your song as I came up the front steps, and had a funny idea. What if at the end of the song, or toward the end, she sings something along the lines of,


Mr. Superior I adore you.

Did I just say that?

I meant I abhor you.

I really do hate you.

I really can't stand you.

I think I might love you.


Not again!

Go away! Go away!

But what will I do

without you to hate?


or something like that.


A possibly interesting twist.


LCK

 

 

I like it! Excellent idea imo.

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I like it. Some of the lyric goes off the deep end at times, like when you reintroduced the red nose creeping into your brain while it rained. It also is clear that you were just feeling your way through the melody for the most part.

 

But there were moments when it came together, like how you sang "I need it that way". Following two "I like it that way", the "need" line serves to reinforce and deepen that concept. And your vocal was perfect. I personally would clip the "get out of my way Mr Superior" part clean off so the "need" line can hang there for a few seconds. Just an interlude and right into the next verse.

 

The vocals at the end were also very nice, like you had found your groove and were letting it fly.

 

Whether you take LCK's idea or not, I do think some kind of twist would be helpful. As much as I like the vocals at the end, the last 30-45 seconds it did seem like the song was rehashing old ground.

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Thanks guys!!

 

And hey, LCK, I LIKE that idea!!! I was bordering on going in that sort of vague direction at the end of the bridge, but then forgot about it and lost it...but I am definitely using that...or something similar to it, that you suggested. Thank you!! :)

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I think I agree with Osie. Your chorus seems to want to resolve on a major chord at "I need it that way." That's a concise statement. (and that's what the Protagonist is really saying). The "get out of may way" seems a little heavy handed and reiterating "Mr. Superior" becomes redundant; at least musically it feels that way. The last two lines are a melodic digression. The chorus seems to want to end on a strong note. A major chord after "I need it that way" would do that.

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