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Sleep Master _WIP


Lee Knight

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Sleep. I got plenty of feedback here while I was re-writing the lyrics. So, I figured after stretching a little in my last endeavor, I'd get a little closer to home.

 

I'm looking for feedback on anything you hear so far here. I'll be doing some backup ahhs and some parallel vocal harmony stuff. Some simple mandolin to come. Some lead guitar maybe. Some simple drum fills... maybe a little melodica pad. Ideas? I'm still working on the lead vocal as well.

 

So... have at it. You guys never fail to help me make my stuff better...

 

Sleep

 

[video=youtube;oMVDfPdltA4]

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Ahhhh man THIS is where you belong - youre back in your comfort zone.... i know its good to challenge ourselves but sometimes we just have to accept that we are good at certain things and THIS is great

 

Sounds like its straight from the Elvis Costello songbook

 

Really REALLY great - havent got time right now to go through again and see if anything is jumping out - i just listened through once and enjoyed

 

cant wait to hear what you do with it - will have another listen later

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I don't have a lot to add about the song itself, but I want to say that I'm jealous of your voice (assuming that it's you).

 

I like it a lot. About the only criticisms I can think of is that I don't like the maracas sound much, and think it'd be stronger without the fadeout at the end. I kind of get why you put it in there, but I still don't really like it.

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Click by click, tick by tock. Awesome. I love that idea Stick. It is sort of Elvis C. circa Almost Blue.

 

mockchoi, cool name by the way. So is mockchoi made out of meat then? An Asian green leafy faux vegetable? Like mock chicken is soy? :) Interesting food product concept! The fade out... yeah, I have an ending but it's about 45 seconds out from there. I just sort of got into the hypnotic feel and kept going. So... I will edit out some of that to get the length around 4 minutes but have a natural ending. I'm glad you brought that up, mock-man, cause I might have went with a fade but I think you're right... and yeah, that's me yodeling.

 

 

Ideas: I think I hear a mandolin playing the first half of that intro theme melody along with the piano (1 bar), and the second half (1 bar) being a lap steel going for the k d lang Constant Craving pedal steel? All drenched in delay and verb. Maybe. Anyway. Ideas!? Throw them at me. Things you don't like? Throw them at me.

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Wow. I love Mott. Must be a latent pilfer!

 

Hmmm.... it really is, isn't it?!?!? {censored}! :) I'm going to need to change it. It was an actual My Sweet Lord-ism. I've still got my piano mic'ed up. {censored}! Good catch... thank you. I think I'll get that tonight.

 

big breath... :)

 

So, it's just the intro theme and whenever that repeats. OK, not so big. I[ve played that melody 10 different ways and must have been channeling Overend Watts last night.

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Its not bothering me but it is "fairly similar" no probs with any other part of song or melody i guess its just a fairly well known song.... chord sequence is fine i think its just the piano melody over the top along with tempo and feel...piano melody should fix it

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Very enjoyable, Lee. Other than Stick's "by" advice, I got nothing on the lyrics or vocals. I do think the song could use a little more brushmarks here and there but you seem to have a handle on that based on your writeup.

 

Personally, I'd prefer a solid ending myself, with some instrumental leadwork for a few bars at the end. I know the target is 4:00 but I would gladly listen to a 30-40 second coda.

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What a fantastic production. Very Elvis-ish. Melodic. Familiar, yet unique. Quite enjoyable. Pulls me along. Great vocal. Nice breathy fullness.

 

Lyrically I'm still a little adrift. It holds together nicely. But I don't get a sense of who the singer is and who he's singing to. It could be a child, but the tune is too mature. (and the talk about tomorrow's problems). It doesn't seem like a lover. The photo is ambiguous to cluing the listener in.

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Very enjoyable, Lee. Other than Stick's "by" advice, I got nothing on the lyrics or vocals. I do think the song could use a little more brushmarks here and there but you seem to have a handle on that based on your writeup.


Personally, I'd prefer a solid ending myself, with some instrumental leadwork for a few bars at the end. I know the target is 4:00 but I would gladly listen to a 30-40 second coda.

 

 

Thanks. Yeah, brushmarks... I really wanted to get feedback here with just the bare bones first. I can sometimes "sell" the song with ear candy and wanted to make sure it would stand on its own. Like the Mott lift. Gotta fix that. Then some cool stuff with vocal doubles here and there, harms, etc. Guitars. But all simple brushmarks. I like that. Brushmarks.

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What a fantastic production. Very Elvis-ish. Melodic. Familiar, yet unique. Quite enjoyable. Pulls me along. Great vocal. Nice breathy fullness.


Lyrically I'm still a little adrift. It holds together nicely. But I don't get a sense of who the singer is and who he's singing to. It could be a child, but the tune is too mature. (and the talk about tomorrow's problems). It doesn't seem like a lover. The photo is ambiguous to cluing the listener in.

 

Thanks. It's actually about my mom's cancer and then passing away. She died a few weeks back. But I want it to be ambiguous. It's about escaping pain. Physical or otherwise... the day in, day out.

 

It could be sung to that guy in the vid too. That's not my mom. :)

 

But, you know, it not about my mom either. It's about going to sleep and how awesome it is to float and do whatever you can dream of and leaving behind all your worries for 8 hours.

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Thanks. It's actually about my mom's cancer and then passing away. She died a few weeks back. But I want it to be ambiguous. It's about escaping pain. Physical or otherwise... the day in, day out.


It could be sung to that guy in the vid too. That's
not
my mom.
:)

 

I know this isnt the topic of this thread - but sorry to hear that Lee - never easy

 

Its gonna be a great song when its done - its pretty much there already

 

And i never seem to tell you this...but in agreement with others.... the vocals are first rate!

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I could see this as epilogue tune on a TV series, which is how a lot of new artists are getting their start these days.

 

The vocal is very, very nice. I would just pay a bit more attention to your diction.

 

"Twendy four hours in the day..." is one example.

 

Also the "P" on sleep gets to sounding almost like an "F" sometimes: "Sleef, close your eyes and sleef..."

 

Your "B"s are also a little muffled.

 

Those are my only critiques, and very small ones at that.

 

Can't wait to hear it come on at the end of an episode of House.

 

LCK

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Thanks. It's actually about my mom's cancer and then passing away. She died a few weeks back. But I want it to be ambiguous. It's about escaping pain. Physical or otherwise... the day in, day out.


It could be sung to that guy in the vid too. That's
not
my mom.
:)

But, you know, it not about my mom either. It's about going to sleep and how awesome it is to float and do whatever you can dream of and leaving behind all your worries for 8 hours.

 

Well. Sorry for your loss. And thanks for this wonderful tune.

 

But I'd still say, your personal story is powerful. By making the lyric more generic it has less power. That's a decision you can make. I'd still like something to hang my hat on as a listener. I always fall back on the platitude; We prove universal truths through specific stories; (not by telling generic ones).

 

I've been known to invent stories that parallel what I'm really inspired by, in order to get some bite in the apple.

 

It might only take a couple words to key in the singer's emotional involvement in the character's situation.

 

Just me rambling again. Take it or leave it.

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Well. Sorry for your loss. And thanks for this wonderful tune.


But I'd still say, your
personal
story is
powerful.
By making the lyric more generic it has less power. That's a decision you can make. I'd still like something to hang my hat on as a listener. I always fall back on the platitude; We prove universal truths through specific stories; (not by telling
generic
ones).


I've been known to invent stories that parallel what I'm really inspired by, in order to get some bite in the apple.


It might only take a couple words to key in the singer's emotional involvement in the character's situation.


Just me rambling again. Take it or leave it.

 

 

No, that's great input. And usually I'd be all over it trying to make good stuff like that happen. But honestly, right now, going there... I can't. We gotta do what we gotta do. Or can't. I can't. It's stays at the current perspective lyrically.

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Oh Lee, I love this song...it's gorgeous.

 

I double LCK's comment that this could be on a TV series...or a movie...or something. It sounds comfortingly familiar but I know I've never heard it before (I've never heard of that Mott the Hoople person referred to earlier!) lol

 

I'm so sorry about your mom. :(

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