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The motion - rough video


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Hello

 

This one just fell out - its probably too vague and maybe not worth completing but see if you think there is anything here

 

The motion

 

English blood on the back of a tiger

Blow me to the wind

Theres a party in the garden of Eden

But you just can't get in

 

So you howl at your mother

Howl at your father

Howl at your sister too

 

English blood on the back of a tiger

And he's coming just for you

 

Hold your breathe and close your sunken eyes

Seems the motion fuels the surprise

 

English blood on the face of a loved one

Fill my cup with tears

There's a light but its slowly fading

We've wasted all our years

 

So you howl at your mother

Howl at your father

Howl at your sister too

 

English blood on the face of a loved one

Will they ever be with you

 

Hold your breathe and close your sunken eyes

Seems the motion fuels the surprise

 

[video=youtube;6enSP3tZpM0]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6enSP3tZpM0

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I like it.

 

Just reading the lyric it seemed vague and abstract. But once you started singing it made sense.

 

I'm not sure "the motion fuels the surprise" is quite right. Feeds the surprise? Maybe another word?

 

Are you planning to lengthen it? It might could use another verse, maybe a short musical break.

 

You certainly have some memorable images here, and the tune is very good too.

 

LCK

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I like it.


Just reading the lyric it seemed vague and abstract. But once you started singing it made sense.


I'm not sure "the motion fuels the surprise" is quite right.
Feeds
the surprise? Maybe another word?


Are you planning to lengthen it? It might could use another verse, maybe a short musical break.


You certainly have some memorable images here, and the tune is very good too.


LCK

 

 

Thank you - this is a quick first draft - sure it needs lengthening

 

I like "feeds" will have a think about that line

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Great stuff. If you lengthen it, I'd add an interlude over the verse music and return to the vox on the "howl" bridge. Then go in to the refrain (perhaps twice?) and fade out over the verse minor.

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Yeah, nice. I think fuel is the only thing not working for me. As a word on paper it works well. Sung, in your context, at that spot, it doesn't have enough teeth to it. Just in it's sound. No hard sounds. So you're left with fuuu-ellll. First off I wouldn't drag out the word as you do now, and I think I like Lee's idea of "feeds". You've got some handles to hold onto with feeds.

 

 

I'm hearing New Orleans Funeral music as some cool dressing for this. Below, ironically, is a band from Switzerland playing a N.O. Funeral chart. Minor key. The 2nd is in a major but has some nice stuff as well.

 

Know any tuba players? Me neither... :)

 

 

[video=youtube;yt_pOf1QHDY]

 

[video=youtube;j6oBscqik-8]

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I think you know how much I enjoy your work, Stick, and, indeed, admire your craft and the easy grace of your music. Since you know that I know the fine work that you're capable of, I'm hoping you'll understand if I approach this from that perspective... and am maybe a little more direct than I might be with someone not as far along. ;)

 

 

Anyway, I'm not sure this one's come into focus yet. I'm not really sure what the central image (English blood on...) is meant to mean. (Also, before I read the lyrics, I heard it as English bloke... which obviously starts one off on a slightly different direction... and quickly stops making sense over the course of the song. However, I'm not suggesting you change your pronunciation. ;) But it may well be an issue for other Americans.)

 

But I was intrigued and puzzled as I tried to holographically use the instances of the English blood motif to draw a possible meaning from it -- so that's probably a good thing.

 

But the refrain couplet threw me, as well; I need more clues... what motion, what surprise?

 

The rest of the lyrics fit with the somewhat dark tone of the music, sketching anger and frustration.

 

Honestly, I wasn't really taken with the lyrics when I heard them, or the first few times I read through them, but now that I've read and reread them a number of times, I'm wondering if, with a fair amount of work, there isn't something kind of interesting here, a stormy coming of age portrait -- although when I put it like that, I roll my eyes. :D But I think you'd have to put some work in to make it vivid and get rid of worn or lackluster phrases.

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That was a pretty nice performance, I thought, you know, considering they were Swiss. :D

 

Clearly they love and understand the music.

 

I thought the presentation did a pretty nice job of capturing the flavor of the dirge-on-the-way-to-the-graveyard-and-jazz-coming-back tradition.

 

 

And, yes, I do know at least a couple of tuba players. But I'd be frankly surprised if they still had their lip, let alone their horns. ;)

 

One is a guy I was in a band with -- a synthesist, a very hip guy in his own realm -- academic ethnomusicologist and arty electronica artist -- who had been in a tuba quartet before I met him.

 

I saw David Thomas, the lead singer from Pere Ubu, accompanied by the Pere Ubu bass player on tuba in a sort of serious-art-damage cabaret performance (but actually outside an art museum on a summer night).

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I still don't know what the motion is. I think you need to clarify that and also the surprise

 

FWIW, I really like the "English blood on the back of a tiger." My mind first went to imperial England trying to colonize India. I'm not sure if that is applicable here at all, but I enjoyed it.

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I've been thinking about this tune the past few days. I think it's really good. But there's something I want to share. On the initial listenings, I was lost as to where I was. Reading the lyric didn't help much other than let me know where the chorus was. But where did it end? And what's that section? And...

 

That kind of thing can lead to believing the tune is rambling. But I knew it wasn't. But stilll... hmmmm. So I took a second and mapped out the sections for my benefit below.

 

The motion

 

V1

English blood on the back of a tiger

Blow me to the wind

Theres a party in the garden of Eden

But you just can't get in

 

C1

So you howl at your mother

Howl at your father

Howl at your sister too

English blood on the back of a tiger

And he's coming just for you

 

Tag1

Hold your breathe and close your sunken eyes

Seems the motion fuels the surprise

 

V2

English blood on the face of a loved one

Fill my cup with tears

There's a light but its slowly fading

We've wasted all our years

 

C2

So you howl at your mother

Howl at your father

Howl at your sister too

English blood on the face of a loved one

Will they ever be with you

 

Tag2

Hold your breathe and close your sunken eyes

Seems the motion fuels the surprise

 

 

So, my issue with the tune, though it was and is hitting me hard in a good way, what wasn't hitting me was the mild confusion of where I was in the song. Even though the listening public don't think in sections like above, they intuitively know it. It gives them a sense of order. Not predictability, but s safe place to land after you've built tension. And you do have a sense of order in tune. But...

 

...I think it would be stronger still, if you highlighted those different sections before the next stage of arrangement. In other words, now, with just vocal and guitar. Why now? Because thinking this way earlier might inspire small changes in the melody and chords to capitalize on the concept.

 

Your chorus of Howl... is awesome. You're still at same melodic range but you contrast with the nice rhythm of Howl... Awesome. But it needs a mild bump too. Instead of smooth strumming there, I mildly just hit the 1, 2, under howl, then return to strumming. This signals a different section and gives us a landmark. "Oh, here's that howl part bump bump..."

 

So you

howl at your mother

1... 2... strum resumes

 

howl at your father

1... 2... strum resumes

 

howl at your sister too

Strumming

 

A little hook.

 

Then your tags.

 

Hold your breathe and close your sunken eyes

Seems the motion fuels the surprise

 

If you found a way to treat them differently too. Maybe nice swelling buildup of 8th notes under. Maybe the melody going higher and building. All so it builds the tension back into the start.

 

As it stand now, the tension and release of your tune is a flat line. I think it would do better to work that line a little, building and releasing tension as your cycle through your structure.

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I'm going to keep pecking for a second. What's this about? Nothing wrong with sharing what you had in mind. You have all the poetic cards in place without any context. I think it's falling a little short because you're not connecting. Share your nucleus of the idea and maybe we can help?

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