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Romeo Bound


atreu73

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The lyrics

sitting knowing

sitting glowing

 

said your love is strung so tight

said your father wants a fight

i will wait for you by the school tonight

 

still falling

waiting for you to call my name

 

but you walk along your way

and your talk is just the same

 

please don't take home your papers

with the wiggly hearts

along those lab room rats

that scratch and claw

for your wedding plans

 

still loving

always all ways

climb your fence baby don't be coy

from your bedroom to the door

i have watched you come and go

come and go

the song

http://atreu73.bandcamp.com/track/romeo-bound

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The mood and musical feel of the song is quite coherent, the insistent melodic construction -- which might be a bit repetitive for some folks -- tightly builds a very specific feel and mood.

 

The lyrics, OTOH, are somewhat less focused. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but, for instance, my interpretation of what was going on jumped all the way from junior high to college (lab rats/wedding plans -- which then led me to briefly wonder if this song was darker than I thought, maybe inspired by the Annie Le murder). And then we're back to climbing fences... but maybe that suggests that this is a childhood sweetheart...?

 

Also, on a more detail oriented level, I wasn't sure what to make of the line "lab rats / that scratch and claw / for your wedding plans" -- it's a bit of vivid, concrete imagery in a song that has little and so that change seems to put added weight on it, which begs interpretation of the line that is, for me, not forthcoming. So, in that sense, it's a bit of a distraction from the rest of the song.

 

:)

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Wow. You know... that are bits of the lyric that are really pretty clever and advanced in a rhyme and image sense.

 

still falling

waiting for you to call my name

but you walk along your way

and your talk is just the same

 

 

^^^ this is really good. To make it great, would be to be able to repeat that rhyme structure, saying what you need to say for your song. And repeat the syllable stress pattern, in another verse.

 

My complete nonsensical attempt, but it rhymes and scans with yours above:

 

(you're) Still walking

(You're) waiting for me to talk you down

I try to speak but still no sound

As you leave this hallowed ground

 

 

 

 

 

said your LOVE IS strung so tight

said your FATHER wants a fight

i will WAIT FOR you by the school tonight

 

Then this simple bit above^ is intuitively punchy. The simple rhyme scheme of AAA, but your syllable and stress count gets repeated then elongated in the 3rd line.

 

So taking something like that and being able to repeat that structure with the rhyme and syllable count with the proper same stresses... that's where the great stuff you've done here, can really shine. By understanding your form and working it. By repeating it with new lyrics each section.

 

I think you've got some real intuitive skill happening.

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The lyrics, OTOH, are somewhat less focused. That's not necessarily a bad thing

 

 

I agree that a little lack of focus may not be a bad thing. I often prefer lyrics that are not crystal clear. Clear enough to create a story line in my head, but open to different interpretations.

 

 

Also, on a more detail oriented level, I wasn't sure what to make of the line "lab rats / that scratch and claw / for your wedding plans" -- it's a bit of vivid, concrete imagery in a song that has little and so that change seems to put added weight on it, which begs interpretation of the line that is, for me, not forthcoming. So, in that sense, it's a bit of a distraction from the rest of the song.

 

 

I second this comment. The individual words are very specific, but put together in the context of the song, they don't really make sense to me. I wonder if you could drop the words "along" and "that" so that the passage reads "those lab room rats scratch and claw for your wedding plans..." then finish it off with something that describes the subject's reaction to that attention.

 

I like the overall mood of the song. Nice work.

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