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How bad are these lyrics?


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I got no illusions about them being special. But what SPECIFICALLY sucks about them? By the way, this doesn't really have a tune to it at all. I'll probably come up with one eventually. It needs a third verse and a chorus, but...

 

 

I can't get warm, I can't stay cold

I'm not gettin' any younger but I sure ain't old

I could have saved that California woman's soul

But I lost myself to rock and roll

 

You said you lost someone but it sure ain't me

I gotta stay hip, I gotta stay free

I may be blind, but I still can see

That all along, you were one big part of me

 

 

Now rip it to shreds. :p

 

Just some background: I've written songs better than this, and some far, far worse. I'm better at poetry than anything with a tune, honestly.

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I didn't get the warm-cold line. It has nothing to do with the rest of the lyric (so far). Opening lines are important to grab the listener (in my simple mind). That one didn't do it for me. But by the time I hit the 3rd line with saving the California woman's soul, I was piqued. From there on I'm invested in the story.

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