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Hideaway Demo - ready to be recorded?


Oswlek

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So, I'm finally beaking out of my slump and this was the song that primed the pump. It is the same melody as my last thread but I took it in a new direction and it slowly came together from there.

 

Unlike my other recent requests, I'm just passing this through to see if it needs more polish or if it is ready to go. Please disregard any pitchiness or timing mistakes as it was camera recorded at 7 in the morning. Here is the link

 

Hideaway

 

 

On your last dime

A drawn out sigh

Not every song is a lullaby


'Round and around

Around it goes

There will be highs there will be lows


Ooh when you need, need it most

You're out in the cold and you're all exposed

I can be your hideaway

I won't ask for any more


There's no secret knock

No password

Just call my name and you will be heard


It's not on the shore

On a private way

Or a boardwalk stroll down on Cape May


Ooh when you need, need it most

You're angry as hell and you feel exposed

Let me be your hideaway

I won't ask for any more

 

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So, I'm finally beaking out of my slump and this was the song that primed the pump. It is the same melody as my last thread but I took it in a new direction and it slowly came together from there.


Unlike my other recent requests, I'm just passing this through to see if it needs more polish or if it is ready to go. Please disregard any pitchiness or timing mistakes as it was camera recorded at 7 in the morning. Here is the link


 

 

That's a pretty melody, and I like the unexpected chord changes. " 'Round and around around it goes" seems like a bit of a throwaway line to me. It doesn't distract or take away from the song, but maybe you could think of something a little more evocative to put in its place. The first verse made me immediately think of "On the Nickel", a 'Hobo's lullaby' (his words, not mine) by Tom Waits. Of course, your song has romantic connotations and his doesn't, but the whole down-and-out sad character is present in both.

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That's a pretty melody, and I like the unexpected chord changes. " 'Round and around around it goes" seems like a bit of a throwaway line to me. It doesn't distract or take away from the song, but maybe you could think of something a little more evocative to put in its place. The first verse made me immediately think of "On the Nickel", a 'Hobo's lullaby' (his words, not mine) by Tom Waits. Of course, your song has romantic connotations and his doesn't, but the whole down-and-out sad character is present in both.

 

 

Yeah, that 2nd verse is one of my "potential upgrade areas" along with "out in the cold" and "call my name and you will be heard". I did try to work some other stuff in there, but it kept feeling like I was pinning the song down too much; that it was getting too specific. Either way, I'll give it some more thought and if you have any line ideas I'm all ears.

 

Edit: Aside from keeping things broad, one thing I liked about "round and around, around it goes" is the implied chance. Meaning, you expect the next line to be "where it stops nobody knows" so it leaves a hint of risk, which I think is appropriate for the feel of the song.

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I like "round and around", although I'd consider wording it "around and round." I can see how it could be a cliche but it works well with the song. Because of the reference to a lullaby it made my brain go to two places a mobile you'd hang in a crib and a merry go round.

 

I could see how you might think "call my name and you will be heard" could be weak, but in the context, I think it is perfect. I wouldn't change it.

 

Phrasing there on the deliver could be more pronounced, with each word in "will be heard" being right on the beat.

 

I say track it. It really doesn't need anymore polish. It's time to let it shine

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Very nice. The only thing I'm having a little trouble with is the line,

 

"I will be your hideaway

and I won't ask for any more."

 

The wording is a little inexact. It kind of implies that the character who's singing is already asking for something, with overtones of Dickens' Oliver asking for a second helping of gruel.

 

I would change that one line to "I won't ask for anything..." I think it would be much stronger.

 

But a very nice, compact little story.

 

LCK

 

PS: Did you get a chance to see the chords you asked for on "Something Keeps Slipping My Mind?"

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Very nice. The only thing I'm having a little trouble with is the line,


"I will be your hideaway

and I won't ask for any more."


The wording is a little inexact. It kind of implies that the character who's singing is already asking for something, with overtones of Dickens' Oliver asking for a second helping of gruel.


I would change that one line to "I won't ask for anything..." I think it would be much stronger.


But a very nice, compact little story.


LCK


PS: Did you get a chance to see the chords you asked for on "Something Keeps Slipping My Mind?"

 

 

I hear you, Lee, but for whatever reason, I'm married to that little bit. If you think of it as "I won't ask for more than that" (that how I think of it when I sing it) it fits a little better.

 

I did get your message, thanks. I'll still have to monkey with it a little because I'm not overly familiar with how diminished chords work - I know I use them all the time, but the theory behind their construction eludes me. Really appreciate you taking the time to type that up.

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I hear you, Lee, but for whatever reason, I'm married to that little bit. If you think of it as "I won't ask for more than that" (that how I think of it when I sing it) it fits a little better.

 

 

Then that's what you should sing: "I won't ask for more than that."

 

I think that's perfect. "I won't ask for any more" doesn't work as well, IMO.

 

I don't understand the logic of diminished chords much either. I think they're also known as passing chords. Generally speaking (and I may be talking through my ass), you'd go from the dominant, say AMaj7, then the root motion would move up to A#dim, then to B-7.

 

That's about all I know.

 

LCK

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Nice

 

One comment. The first chorus is great with "cold, .. . , exposed." The second one you change the metaphor to "angry" but you still use "exposed." If you're going to change the first part of the line, I'd want to see a different "-osed" word to close the line.

 

, just a thought.

 

("if you're angry, and tired of getting hosed," or something better)

 

[1 syllable: closed, dozed, hosed, nosed, posed

 

2 syllables: composed, deposed, disclosed, disposed, enclosed, foreclosed, imposed, opposed, proposed, supposed, transposed

 

3 syllables: decomposed, juxtaposed, predisposed, reimposed, undisclosed, unopposed

 

4 syllables: misdiagnosed, overexposed, superimposed ]

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Nice


One comment. The first chorus is great with
"cold, .. . , exposed."
The second one you change the metaphor to
"angry"
but you still use
"exposed."
If you're going to change the first part of the line, I'd want to see a different
"-osed"
word to close the line.


, just a thought.

 

Thanks for the feedback, Marshall. I actually view "exposed" to be aligned with "most" from a rhyme perspective. Truth be told, I never even noticed the strong O of "cold' (probably because I've viewed that line as one that needs a potential upgrade), so now I'll look into that a little more. I'm not sure I'll change "exposed" because that is a nice contrast to "hide(away)" but maybe I can find a substitute for angry.

 

Edit: I also thought retaining "exposed" would maintain some symetry between the first and 2nd choruses, that changing both parts of that line would be too much (see that I also replaced "I could be..." with "Let me be"). As LCK has pointed out many times, a strong chorus is meant to be repeated, so I didn't want too much variation. Actually swapping "angry" in was a choice that took some time to make.

 

BTW, the switch to "angry as hell" was a tip of the cap in my wife's direction, as I had been an ass the night before... :facepalm:

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I tracked this last night. For some reason there is some background noise that appears during the quiet parts, so if anyone knows how to remove that using Cubase or a free software, I'd much appreciate it.

 

Hideaway 3

 

I'm well aware of the horrendously flat "for" at the very end, but I think I like the rest. I also need to do some minor tweaking to the guitar EQ.

 

Questions

 

1) Can this stand as is (once I redo that last line and EQ)?

 

2) If not, any ideas for some simple layering?

 

3) Is the vocal sound?

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this sounds lovely - you "could" certainly add a few elements if you wished - i mean its perfect for a brush snare and double bass but i know these arent always possible - i can even hear a bit of glock or chime bars

 

"i can be......" whats a little pitchy - just those three words!

 

also (if you can be bothered id go into the vocals and edit out all those bits where your lips are kinda touching together - breaths sound nice but those things are just better out!

 

great work!

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this sounds lovely - you "could" certainly add a few elements if you wished - i mean its perfect for a brush snare and double bass but i know these arent always possible - i can even hear a bit of glock or chime bars


"i can be......" whats a little pitchy - just those three words!


also (if you can be bothered id go into the vocals and edit out all those bits where your lips are kinda touching together - breaths sound nice but those things are just better out!


great work!

 

 

Thanks, Stick. Was "Let me be" better or was it off on both refrains?

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Oh yeah... I really like this. Really touching sound to the melody.

 

The only question I have is the melody and chords at "I can be/let me be" just preceding Hideaway. It sounds a little nebulous. I'm not getting a sense of strength. And I kinda think that's what you might want there as you sing "I CAN BE..." and leading up to your title. Other than that, I love it as is.

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both slighty - and i mean slighty - its more noticeable as everything else is perfect - may be worth just spending a few mins correcting that

 

 

Thanks. I'm really not that good of a singer, but I've gotten in the habit of laying down a piano track to sing along with. Keeps me in line. I laid down 4 tracks and this was the best. Tonight I'll see if I can snag a phrase or two from another so thanks for pointing that out.

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I guess its a chord issue. And a note in there too.

 

I don't know what key you're in and I'm at work so there's no guitar... are you in E?. You go to the A(IV) I can... then the G#(III) be your... then C#m (vi) on hidea---way...

 

Or it sounds like that's what it wants to do. I can't figure out that chord. It doesn't seem to lead to the vi

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I guess its a chord issue. And a note in there too.


I don't know what key you're in and I'm at work so there's no guitar... are you in E?. You go to the A(IV)
I can...
then the G#(III)
be your...
then C#m (vi) on hidea---
way...


Or it sounds like that's what it wants to do. I can't figure out that chord. It doesn't seem to lead to the vi

 

You got it (must have absolute pitch ;) ). The only twist is that the A is a 7th as well, which was also done to increase the tension.

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:) I must!

 

OK, so if those are the chords then... maybe you're not singing the major 3rd on that III chord. The G# chord. That chord, as I'm sure you know, can go either major or minor. A iii or a III. You're going III, so that 3rd needs to pivot right. Maybe you're singing the minor over the major chord?

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:)
I must!


OK, so if those are the chords then... maybe you're not singing the major 3rd on that III chord. The G# chord. That chord, as I'm sure you know, can go either major or minor. A iii or a III. You're going III, so that 3rd needs to pivot right. Maybe you're singing the minor over the major chord?

 

I'll recheck it, but I don't think I am. I laid down the piano track before singing and I remember specifically playing the C note. I certainly could be flat on it pushing it towards the B, though.

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Uploaded this to youtube this morning. I retracked the refrain, which caused some problems because I couldn't get the sound to match. Solo guitar/vocal demos really make those subtle differences in quality stand out. To combat this, I upped the reverb to make it seem like I wanted it to stand out more. I also found some better versions of "for" and "more" on other tracks, so those blend in a little better. Add some EQ and away we go.

 

Thought a slide show of the vacation was appropriate considering the subject matter and inspiration. It is in HD if you want to get better video and audio quality.

 

[video=youtube;NXz9qh1o6zw]

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Sounds great. Did you fix that note we were talking about? It's sound right now. An I crazy? Nice. And... Nice looking family...
:thu:

 

It was pitchy before. Not an uncommon experience for me, unfortunately. :facepalm:

 

Thanks for the kudos guys. :thu:

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