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Song Title: Chronic Contention / Theme: Anti-Religious, Anti-War/Hate


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Uh, tell me what you think of the lyrics...

the verses are from the point of view of a priest, instructing the parents on how to raise their children, the pre-chorus is just a general statement about the outcome of these lessons, and the chorus is how the child feels about these lessons.

 

Also, for point of reference, I am referring to the church (in particular the Westboro Baptist Church, but other churches as well) teaching that other groups and minorities (gays, atheists, etc) are bad people, when really they aren't.

 

Genre(s): Thrash metal, melodic death metal, metalcore

 

Duh Lyrikz:

 

Brainwash the masses when they're young

Indoctrinate them into your own tongue

Minimize, limit their imagination

Teach them your own creed of creation

Teach them not to turn their back on God,

Teach them not to turn their back on me

 

Daily douse of liberty,

liberal views of anarchy

Seperation and segregation,

the cultures schism modern day

 

I don't know, who can be trusted

I don't know, if that one is evil

I don't know, who to go to

I don't know, the church has blinded me

Enemies, everywhere

Murderers and demons, are all that I see

She taught me to hate them all

 

Heal them, make them think your god

Steal them, their soul and their thoughts

Minimize, limit their imagination

Teach them your own creed of creation

Teach them not to turn their back on God,

Teach them not to turn their back on me

 

Daily douse of scrutiny,

Sunday school of heresy

Betrayals and accusations,

hate everyone and what they say

 

I don't know, who can be trusted

I don't know, if that one is evil

I don't know, who to go to

I don't know, the church has blinded me

Enemies, everywhere

Murderers and demons, are all that I see

She taught me to hate them all

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It feels a little diffuse. Who doesn't love a good anti song. But it's a little unclear what you're anti. Religion, that's clear in the 1st verse. So far so good.

 

I like this:

 

Brainwash the masses when they're young

Indoctrinate them into your own tongue

Minimize, limit their imagination

Teach them your own creed of creation

Teach them not to turn their back on God,

 

But then I get lost here:

 

Teach them not to turn their back on me ?

 

And here:

 

Daily douse of liberty,

liberal views of anarchy

Seperation and segregation,

the cultures schism modern day

 

I understand what each of those sentences means, but I have no clue what you're saying. Who had liberal views of anarchy. The church? And what does that mean exactly?

 

I think it would be better if you cleared up some of the whos and whats and whys.

 

She taught me to hate them all

 

Who is she? If you're going to shoot at a target, I think you need to have a really good aim. Focus your attack so we can climb aboard with more "YEAH! I TOTALLY AGREE!!!"

 

 

Edit: You know, I didn't read your setup until now. It does make more sense now... but you need to get that across in the song itself or just revert to a single point of view. It's too much of a shift which loses the listener. I get it now and it's cool. But you gotta make it work on its own.

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Okay, let me help you help me. I'll answer the questions you had, and maybe you can help me turn these answers into lyrics for the song.

 

"Teach them not to turn their back on me"

Me is the priest

 

Liberal views of anarchy, conservative christians view liberalism as neo-anarchism, and think that liberals want to turn the USA into anarchy, but that is not the case

 

She is the mother

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I think you need to either write from the child's perspective, or the priest's. Or a the narrator. One POV.The me is the priest? Then why is the priest saying this:

 

Brainwash the masses when they're young

Indoctrinate them into your own tongue

Minimize, limit their imagination

Teach them your own creed of creation

Teach them not to turn their back on God,

 

See what I mean?

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Well, if I had to choose between the childs view of the priests view, honestly I think the childs view would be better, since from the point of view of the kid I can actually write about the negative outcomes

 

 

Yeah, or the narrator. The first verse works as you telling the story. The narrator. If you keep it from that narrator's point of view, all you need to do then is help us know he is, who she is, etc.

 

That's what I'd do.

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Re-written from the prospective of a narrator, like you suggested.

 

Brainwash the masses when they're young

Indoctrinate them into your own tongue

Minimize, limit their imagination

Teach them your own creed of creation

Teach them not to turn their back on God

 

Daily douse of liberty,

liberal views of anarchy

Seperation and segregation,

the cultures schism modern day

 

He doesn't know, who can be trusted

He doesn't know, if that one is evil

He doesn't know, who to go to

He doesn't know, the church has blinded him

Enemies, everywhere

Murderers and demons, are all that he sees

 

Heal them, make them think your god

Steal them, their soul and their thoughts

Minimize, limit their imagination

Teach them your own creed of creation

Teach them not to turn their back on God

 

Daily douse of scrutiny,

Sunday school of heresy

Betrayals and accusations,

hate everyone and what they say

 

He doesn't know, who can be trusted

He doesn't know, if that one is evil

He doesn't know, who to go to

He doesn't know, the church has blinded him

Enemies, everywhere

Murderers and demons, are all that he sees

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O


"Teach them not to turn their back on me"

Me is the priest


Liberal views of anarchy, conservative christians view liberalism as neo-anarchism, and think that liberals want to turn the USA into anarchy, but that is not the case


She is the mother

 

 

Your pronouns aren't working then.

 

Brainwash the masses when they're young

Indoctrinate them into my own tongue

Minimize, limit their imagination

Teach them my own creed of creation

Teach them not to turn their back on God,

Teach them not to turn their back on me

 

Then we get a sense that the first verse is talking from the priest's (or somebody in authority) position. You might even start out with "He says,"

 

In the "I don't know" verse you've changed speakers. it's not the priest anymore, is it? It's the child, right? And he's talking about his mother not the priest?

 

I think you've got to get your characters straight. It's best if a song is sung from one voice. If a song is going to change voices, the listener needs a clue up front. Otherwise they become confused and detach from the lyric.

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The re-write looks pretty good

 

I'd title the song And The Priest Says

 

I'd change the chorus

 

And/But the kids don't know, who can be trusted

the kids don't know, if that one is evil

the kids don't know, who to go to

the kids don't know, the church has blinded them

Enemies, everywhere

Murderers and demons, are all that they see

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The re-write looks pretty good


I'd title the song And The Priest Says


I'd change the chorus


And/But the kids don't know, who can be trusted

the kids don't know, if that one is evil

the kids don't know, who to go to

the kids don't know, the church has blinded them

Enemies, everywhere

Murderers and demons, are all that they see

 

 

Excellent suggestions.

 

LCK

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