Jump to content

Monthly Blockbusters Challenge : 11/8/11 (new feature)


stickboymusic

Recommended Posts

  • Replies 101
  • Created
  • Last Reply
  • Moderators

Another Clarification Request: Can I 'linger' on a chord? Like.. C/G/Am/F/F just before the chorus? Or does it need to be a straight 4-chord/4-bar arrangement?

 

And about that weight/wait comment. I think you have to go with the word with most universal meaning. The listener is going to hear what they hear and then perceive it as that. Its not like your going to throw a lyric sheet in front of them. lol :rolleyes:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Another Clarification Request: Can I 'linger' on a chord? Like.. C/G/Am/F/
F
just before the chorus? Or does it need to be a straight 4-chord/4-bar arrangement?


And about that weight/wait comment. I think you have to go with the word with most universal meaning. The listener is going to hear what they hear and then perceive it as that. Its not like your going to throw a lyric sheet in front of them. lol
:rolleyes:

 

Stickboy suggested a non 4-chord/4-bar arrangement to me, so I say go for it. :thu:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Another Clarification Request: Can I 'linger' on a chord? Like.. C/G/Am/F/
F
just before the chorus? Or does it need to be a straight 4-chord/4-bar arrangement?



I sure hope so, because that's what I did


Verses
C....G....G....Am..F..C

Chorus
G....Am....F....C....G....Am..F..C...G... Am... F.... C

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

 

Clarification Request:


Are modulations allowed? You mention capos and transpositions - can I move the same chord progression to another key during the song? This bridge is giving me fits.

 

 

it wasnt strictly in the rules but if its getting the job done then go for it!

 

these challenges are to inspire you to write - not to hold you back

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Another Clarification Request: Can I 'linger' on a chord? Like.. C/G/Am/F/
F
just before the chorus? Or does it need to be a straight 4-chord/4-bar arrangement?


And about that weight/wait comment. I think you have to go with the word with most universal meaning. The listener is going to hear what they hear and then perceive it as that. Its not like your going to throw a lyric sheet in front of them. lol
:rolleyes:



yeh totally, the order is the rule.... how long you spend on each chord is up to you

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

 

Clarification Request:


Are modulations allowed? You mention capos and transpositions - can I move the same chord progression to another key during the song? This bridge is giving me fits.

 

 

No.

 

Anyway, that's my understanding.

 

I broke the rules, of course, but in both my songs I managed the bridge trick by going from C into F.

 

LCK

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I'm holding my breath hoping I didn't lose mine. For some reason the camera wasn't anywhere to be found so I couldn't record it and I made the mistake of listening to the radio on the way in to work. Now it is gone. Often times they come right back when I get the guitar in my hands, but I've had more than a few disappear down the rabbit hole, never to be seen again.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I'm holding my breath hoping I didn't lose mine. For some reason the camera wasn't anywhere to be found so I couldn't record it and I made the mistake of listening to the radio on the way in to work. Now it is gone. Often times they come right back when I get the guitar in my hands, but I've had more than a few disappear down the rabbit hole, never to be seen again.

 

 

This is what happened to me. I lost mine.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

YES! GLEE! I'm in! :) Can we get one of the hot chicks to sing it instead of that football or fauxhawk dude? And lets get the wheelchair guy to bust out a rap in the middle (btw, he's not a real cripple, he walks in the Katy Perry vid. Liar). Then again, maybe the all gay boys glee club from the neighboring school might do it justice. Nice!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

When I'm in the Starbucks

I'm thinking about you

When I go on Facebook

I'm looking for you

When we're in home room

I'm dreaming about you

 

Because you're super cute

And I want to know the things you do

And if you want a latte too

 

When he asked you out

You were floating on thin air

Finally a boy who noticed

Those things you do with your hair

But the thing that you will learn

Is that life is not always fair

 

Now when you're in the Starbucks

He's thinking about her

When you ask him about Friday

He says he really isn't sure

When you see them in home room

Your tears turn it into a blur

 

Because he is just fourteen

Figuring out what feelings mean

???

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
When I'm in the Starbucks

I'm thinking about you

When I go on Facebook

I'm looking for you

When we're in home room

I'm dreaming about you


Because you're super cute

And I want to know the things you do

And if you want a latte too


When he asked you out

You were floating on thin air

Finally a boy who noticed

Those things you do with your hair

But the thing that you will learn

Is that life is not always fair


Now when you're in the Starbucks

He's thinking about her

When you ask him about Friday

He says he really isn't sure

When you see them in home room

Your tears turn it into a blur


Because he is just fourteen

Figuring out what feelings mean

???



I like it, but I think you might be devloping it a bit too much. You love her, but she loves him and he loves somebody else...

Where have I heard this before? ;)

Anyway, I think that statement works in "Love Stinks" but it is real hard to build into a cohesive story. I definitely have to reread a few spots to be sure who you were talking about.

Edit: Another issue is the primary target seems to move as well. It starts with the spotlight on the narrator, then moves to the girl, then the other boy. You might be able to get the story in, but more than anything I think you need to settle on who is actually the featured speaker at this event.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I like it, but I think you might be devloping it a bit too much. You love her, but she loves him and he loves somebody else...


Where have I heard this before?
;)

Anyway, I think that statement works in "Love Stinks" but it is real hard to build into a cohesive story. I definitely have to reread a few spots to be sure who you were talking about.

 

Yeah, I'd like to get rid of the fluctuating POV. The first section POV is the boy who has a crush on the girl and the second section POV is the girl's dad. Boy likes Girl, Girl likes Boy, Boy dumps Girl, Dad picks up the pieces.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Yeah, I'd like to get rid of the fluctuating POV. The first section POV is the boy who has a crush on the girl and the second section POV is the girl's dad. Boy likes Girl, Girl likes Boy, Boy dumps Girl, Dad picks up the pieces.

 

 

Wow, I didn't get that at all. I just thought the boy with the crush was commenting on the situation.

 

BTW, I added an edit to my original comment.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

 

Another issue is the primary target seems to move as well. It starts with the spotlight on the narrator, then moves to the girl, then the other boy. You might be able to get the story in, but more than anything I think you need to settle on who is actually the featured speaker at this event.

 

 

You're right, I know you're right - choose a simple situation that the audience can relate to and tell it in a straightforward way.

 

The problem is that I'm not that interested in the boy (who is the natural narrator of the simplified story). I am interested in the girl (my niece) and what I might say to her when she gets her heart broken for the first time.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

You're right, I know you're right - choose a simple situation that the audience can relate to and tell it in a straightforward way.


The problem is that I'm not that interested in the boy (who is the natural narrator of the simplified story). I am interested in the girl (my niece) and what I might say to her when she gets her heart broken for the first time.

 

 

Is the boy in the first stanza the same one who asks her out the in the 2nd, just from a different perspective?

 

If so, why can't you just refer to him as "he" from the outset? That would clear just about everything up. Once you set her up as "you" and don't create an "I" it automatically positions her as the dominant character in the story.

 

If not, then drop him from the story altogether. Unless you are using him later to say there's other good boys out there, but wasting an entire verse just to say that later seems like overkill to me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

 

Is the boy in the first stanza the same one who asks her out the in the 2nd, just from a different perspective?


If so, why can't you just refer to him as "he" from the outset? That would clear just about everything up. Once you set her up as "you" and don't create an "I" it automatically positions her as the dominant character in the story.


If not, then drop him from the story altogether. Unless you are using him later to say there's other good boys out there, but wasting an entire verse just to say that later seems like overkill to me.

 

 

yep

 

And if you do it all from the dad's angle it might be unexpected to have the dad sticking up for the guy, maybe not condoning his behavior but at least explaining that he was the same way when he was a 14 year old boy.

 

When he's at the Starbucks

He's thinking about you

When he goes on Facebook

He's looking for you

When he's in home room

He's dreaming about you

 

Because you're super cute

And he wants to know the things you do

I was once there too

 

 

...

 

Because he is just fourteen

Figuring out what feelings mean

 

I'd work these two lines into another verse or possibly a bridge where I'd also stick something that expresses the sentiment "He has alot of growing up to do before he's a man like me" or "one day he'll probably have a daughter like me"

 

Where they currently are, I'd stick

 

 

Because she's super cute

And he's not sure what he's to do

I was once there too

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.


×
×
  • Create New...