Members rsadasiv Posted August 17, 2011 Members Share Posted August 17, 2011 Clarification Request: Are modulations allowed? You mention capos and transpositions - can I move the same chord progression to another key during the song? This bridge is giving me fits. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators davie Posted August 17, 2011 Moderators Share Posted August 17, 2011 Another Clarification Request: Can I 'linger' on a chord? Like.. C/G/Am/F/F just before the chorus? Or does it need to be a straight 4-chord/4-bar arrangement? And about that weight/wait comment. I think you have to go with the word with most universal meaning. The listener is going to hear what they hear and then perceive it as that. Its not like your going to throw a lyric sheet in front of them. lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rsadasiv Posted August 17, 2011 Members Share Posted August 17, 2011 Another Clarification Request: Can I 'linger' on a chord? Like.. C/G/Am/F/ F just before the chorus? Or does it need to be a straight 4-chord/4-bar arrangement? And about that weight/wait comment. I think you have to go with the word with most universal meaning. The listener is going to hear what they hear and then perceive it as that. Its not like your going to throw a lyric sheet in front of them. lol Stickboy suggested a non 4-chord/4-bar arrangement to me, so I say go for it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted August 17, 2011 Members Share Posted August 17, 2011 Another Clarification Request: Can I 'linger' on a chord? Like.. C/G/Am/F/ F just before the chorus? Or does it need to be a straight 4-chord/4-bar arrangement? I sure hope so, because that's what I did VersesC....G....G....Am..F..CChorus G....Am....F....C....G....Am..F..C...G... Am... F.... C Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted August 17, 2011 Author Members Share Posted August 17, 2011 Clarification Request:Are modulations allowed? You mention capos and transpositions - can I move the same chord progression to another key during the song? This bridge is giving me fits. it wasnt strictly in the rules but if its getting the job done then go for it! these challenges are to inspire you to write - not to hold you back Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted August 17, 2011 Author Members Share Posted August 17, 2011 Another Clarification Request: Can I 'linger' on a chord? Like.. C/G/Am/F/ F just before the chorus? Or does it need to be a straight 4-chord/4-bar arrangement? And about that weight/wait comment. I think you have to go with the word with most universal meaning. The listener is going to hear what they hear and then perceive it as that. Its not like your going to throw a lyric sheet in front of them. lol yeh totally, the order is the rule.... how long you spend on each chord is up to you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted August 17, 2011 Members Share Posted August 17, 2011 I sure hope so, because that's what I did Verses C....G....G....Am..F..C Chorus G....Am....F....C....G....Am..F..C...G... Am... F.... C That's what I did! And I thought I was being original... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rsadasiv Posted August 17, 2011 Members Share Posted August 17, 2011 That's what I did! And I thought I was being original... I'm not listening until the end so I can maintain my illusions of originality. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted August 17, 2011 Members Share Posted August 17, 2011 I'm not listening until the end so I can maintain my illusions of originality. I did the same thing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted August 17, 2011 Members Share Posted August 17, 2011 Actually, Robbie get the songwriting credit on wikipedia. :poke: I had a typo: Great song sung by Levon Helm. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted August 17, 2011 Members Share Posted August 17, 2011 Clarification Request:Are modulations allowed? You mention capos and transpositions - can I move the same chord progression to another key during the song? This bridge is giving me fits. No. Anyway, that's my understanding. I broke the rules, of course, but in both my songs I managed the bridge trick by going from C into F. LCK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rsadasiv Posted August 17, 2011 Members Share Posted August 17, 2011 I'm not listening until the end so I can maintain my illusions of originality. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted August 17, 2011 Members Share Posted August 17, 2011 I'm holding my breath hoping I didn't lose mine. For some reason the camera wasn't anywhere to be found so I couldn't record it and I made the mistake of listening to the radio on the way in to work. Now it is gone. Often times they come right back when I get the guitar in my hands, but I've had more than a few disappear down the rabbit hole, never to be seen again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted August 17, 2011 Members Share Posted August 17, 2011 I'm holding my breath hoping I didn't lose mine. For some reason the camera wasn't anywhere to be found so I couldn't record it and I made the mistake of listening to the radio on the way in to work. Now it is gone. Often times they come right back when I get the guitar in my hands, but I've had more than a few disappear down the rabbit hole, never to be seen again. This is what happened to me. I lost mine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rsadasiv Posted August 18, 2011 Members Share Posted August 18, 2011 Boogie in E with a modulation to G in the bridge. Still gotta finish the lyric and clean up some of the transitions. Right now there's a weird POV switch in the lyric but I'm not sure if I can get around that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members smross Posted August 18, 2011 Members Share Posted August 18, 2011 Man this thread is awesome.... and this song is pretty catchy.. I can picture it on Glee, lol.(needs more auto-tune) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted August 18, 2011 Moderators Share Posted August 18, 2011 YES! GLEE! I'm in! Can we get one of the hot chicks to sing it instead of that football or fauxhawk dude? And lets get the wheelchair guy to bust out a rap in the middle (btw, he's not a real cripple, he walks in the Katy Perry vid. Liar). Then again, maybe the all gay boys glee club from the neighboring school might do it justice. Nice! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rsadasiv Posted August 18, 2011 Members Share Posted August 18, 2011 When I'm in the StarbucksI'm thinking about youWhen I go on FacebookI'm looking for youWhen we're in home roomI'm dreaming about you Because you're super cuteAnd I want to know the things you doAnd if you want a latte too When he asked you outYou were floating on thin airFinally a boy who noticedThose things you do with your hairBut the thing that you will learnIs that life is not always fair Now when you're in the StarbucksHe's thinking about herWhen you ask him about FridayHe says he really isn't sureWhen you see them in home roomYour tears turn it into a blur Because he is just fourteenFiguring out what feelings mean??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted August 18, 2011 Members Share Posted August 18, 2011 When I'm in the Starbucks I'm thinking about you When I go on Facebook I'm looking for you When we're in home room I'm dreaming about you Because you're super cute And I want to know the things you do And if you want a latte too When he asked you out You were floating on thin air Finally a boy who noticed Those things you do with your hair But the thing that you will learn Is that life is not always fair Now when you're in the Starbucks He's thinking about her When you ask him about Friday He says he really isn't sure When you see them in home room Your tears turn it into a blur Because he is just fourteen Figuring out what feelings mean ??? I like it, but I think you might be devloping it a bit too much. You love her, but she loves him and he loves somebody else...Where have I heard this before? Anyway, I think that statement works in "Love Stinks" but it is real hard to build into a cohesive story. I definitely have to reread a few spots to be sure who you were talking about.Edit: Another issue is the primary target seems to move as well. It starts with the spotlight on the narrator, then moves to the girl, then the other boy. You might be able to get the story in, but more than anything I think you need to settle on who is actually the featured speaker at this event. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rsadasiv Posted August 18, 2011 Members Share Posted August 18, 2011 I like it, but I think you might be devloping it a bit too much. You love her, but she loves him and he loves somebody else... Where have I heard this before? Anyway, I think that statement works in "Love Stinks" but it is real hard to build into a cohesive story. I definitely have to reread a few spots to be sure who you were talking about. Yeah, I'd like to get rid of the fluctuating POV. The first section POV is the boy who has a crush on the girl and the second section POV is the girl's dad. Boy likes Girl, Girl likes Boy, Boy dumps Girl, Dad picks up the pieces. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted August 18, 2011 Members Share Posted August 18, 2011 Yeah, I'd like to get rid of the fluctuating POV. The first section POV is the boy who has a crush on the girl and the second section POV is the girl's dad. Boy likes Girl, Girl likes Boy, Boy dumps Girl, Dad picks up the pieces. Wow, I didn't get that at all. I just thought the boy with the crush was commenting on the situation. BTW, I added an edit to my original comment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rsadasiv Posted August 18, 2011 Members Share Posted August 18, 2011 Another issue is the primary target seems to move as well. It starts with the spotlight on the narrator, then moves to the girl, then the other boy. You might be able to get the story in, but more than anything I think you need to settle on who is actually the featured speaker at this event. You're right, I know you're right - choose a simple situation that the audience can relate to and tell it in a straightforward way. The problem is that I'm not that interested in the boy (who is the natural narrator of the simplified story). I am interested in the girl (my niece) and what I might say to her when she gets her heart broken for the first time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted August 18, 2011 Members Share Posted August 18, 2011 You're right, I know you're right - choose a simple situation that the audience can relate to and tell it in a straightforward way.The problem is that I'm not that interested in the boy (who is the natural narrator of the simplified story). I am interested in the girl (my niece) and what I might say to her when she gets her heart broken for the first time. Is the boy in the first stanza the same one who asks her out the in the 2nd, just from a different perspective? If so, why can't you just refer to him as "he" from the outset? That would clear just about everything up. Once you set her up as "you" and don't create an "I" it automatically positions her as the dominant character in the story. If not, then drop him from the story altogether. Unless you are using him later to say there's other good boys out there, but wasting an entire verse just to say that later seems like overkill to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted August 18, 2011 Members Share Posted August 18, 2011 Is the boy in the first stanza the same one who asks her out the in the 2nd, just from a different perspective?If so, why can't you just refer to him as "he" from the outset? That would clear just about everything up. Once you set her up as "you" and don't create an "I" it automatically positions her as the dominant character in the story.If not, then drop him from the story altogether. Unless you are using him later to say there's other good boys out there, but wasting an entire verse just to say that later seems like overkill to me. yep And if you do it all from the dad's angle it might be unexpected to have the dad sticking up for the guy, maybe not condoning his behavior but at least explaining that he was the same way when he was a 14 year old boy. When he's at the StarbucksHe's thinking about youWhen he goes on FacebookHe's looking for youWhen he's in home roomHe's dreaming about you Because you're super cuteAnd he wants to know the things you doI was once there too ... Because he is just fourteenFiguring out what feelings mean I'd work these two lines into another verse or possibly a bridge where I'd also stick something that expresses the sentiment "He has alot of growing up to do before he's a man like me" or "one day he'll probably have a daughter like me" Where they currently are, I'd stick Because she's super cuteAnd he's not sure what he's to do I was once there too Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rsadasiv Posted August 18, 2011 Members Share Posted August 18, 2011 Rhino - you rock! (feel free to sig ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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