Jump to content

"Susanna" (Half Way Done)


smross

Recommended Posts

  • Members

http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=10966004

 

Ok, so I am asking everyone for some input. I am doing a CD with my brother and this is the first song I am working on. We have a bunch of others that are written but I'm trying to perfect a production method for this particular CD. I am using the production on this first song as a map for the rest of the songs on the CD, so it is important that I get it right. I know that there are some accomplished producers on this forum so I am hoping for your input.

 

The performance is pretty shotty on the backing vocals, certain things will be replaced. I am interested primarily in comments on production and suggestions for other parts to add in. I am already planning on adding piano and strings. I want to add percussion too, but I record in an apartment so I can't do a full set. Any ideas on what type of percussion to use? Also, any other constructive criticism is appreciated.

 

"Susannah"

Verse1

Strong as a river,

Bold as a Tiger,

You are your mother's,

You are your father's,

You start to wonder,

Just how you got here,

And how to get up,

Your small and precious,

 

Chorus

Oh Susannah don't you cry... I'll sing you a lullaby,

Oh Susannah don't you cry oh my... I'll sing you a lullaby,

Smart like your mother,

Stubborn like your father,

oohh,

 

Verse2

Do you remember... strong as tempered steel you were through school,

And when you grew up... you waved to us as you drove away from home,

When you visit... you'll always have a bed and a room,

 

Chorus

Oh Susannah don't you cry... I'll sing you a lullaby,

Oh Susannah don't you cry oh my... I'll sing you a lullaby,

Smart like your mother,

Stubborn like your father,

oohh,

 

Bridge

And no I lay here... in my finest suite,

I guess every man... has his dying day,

But don't you worry... I will be watching over you,

And when you feel down... I will sing this song to you,

 

Chorus

Oh Susannah don't you cry... I'll sing you a lullaby,

Oh Susannah don't you cry oh my... I'll sing you a lullaby,

I'll always be your father,

Take care of your mother,

 

Oh Susannah don't you cry...

 

THE END

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Well.....from a production standpoint, I'd like to hear that guitar coming from a more focused pace. It kept wandering back and forth in the stereo field which distracted me a bit from the vocals. If you confine it a bit more to one general side it will speak with more authority and in the process you'll make room on the other side for maybe some piano.

 

Maybe tighten up that bass a little as well.

 

Interesting use of the 'Oh Susannah' motif. Think I like it.:wave:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Thanks for the tips Leonard. I used two separate takes recorded direct and through a mic, and then I placed all four in different places on the mix. This makes it sound a bit sloppy too because I don't play exactly the same both times. I've used this method before but never for this type of music. I will definitely play with a more focused guitar. Yeah, I just wrote the bass part in about an hour today so I definitely need to tighten it up.

 

Thanks for the feedback!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

I love the sound of the acoustics. Very nice.

 

I'm not so into the effect on the voice. It's a bit chorusey and hollow. I'd prefer something more like a tight ambience verb.

 

As far as percussion. I think you definitely need it. Why not just tap out rhythm on a box or table or something. That can sound great. I'm hearing a brushed snare like 16th pattern. That train rhythm thing.

 

And the bass sounds nice but I don't like hearing the pick sound so clear with a stripped down track like this. I'd try to tuck the pick attack back without losing the clarity of the bass guitar.

 

Sounds good.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

 


Ok, so I am asking everyone for some input.

 

 

Interesting.

 

Nice guitar work, nice tune.

 

A few points.

 

1) When you sing "Oh, Susannah..." and "I'll sing you..." it sounds like "Yo, Susannah," and "Yile sing you..." I don't know if that's your normal way of singing, but I found it a bit odd.

 

2) These lines seemed a bit pedestrian, meaning they're a bit too ordinary, run-of-the-mill, etc.

 

And when you grew up... you waved to us as you drove away from home,

When you visit... you'll always have a bed and a room

 

There must be another, more interesting way to say the same, empty nest thing.

 

I hope this helps!

 

LCK

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

 

Interesting.


Nice guitar work, nice tune.


A few points.


1) When you sing
"Oh,
Susannah..." and
"I'll
sing you..." it sounds like
"Yo,
Susannah," and
"Yile
sing you..." I don't know if that's your normal way of singing, but I found it a bit odd.


2) These lines seemed a bit pedestrian, meaning they're a bit too ordinary, run-of-the-mill, etc.


And when you grew up... you waved to us as you drove away from home,

When you visit... you'll always have a bed and a room


There must be another, more interesting way to say the same, empty nest thing.


I hope this helps!


LCK

 

 

1) I think I was hitting the notes a little early, I actually am fairly new to singing this 'chesty'. Although this is closer to my natural voice(less straining) which is why I am pushing myself to perfect the method to the best of my ability. I think to fix what you are speaking about however, I will need to hit the notes stronger and not bend into them.

 

2) When I wrote the song I was trying to be as straight forward as possible. However, I was really never completely happy with these lines. My brother has always been the one with a flair for metaphors and lyrics, I will get him on this right away;P

 

================

 

Thanks everyone, I really do appreciate the feedback. It takes one person to make a song, but without lots of feedback I feel like it would be lacking.

 

I'll try to have a slightly different version by the end of today.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I agree with just about everything written here. BTW, I also have a problem adding extra sounds in front of words that start with vowels. You aren't saying "yo", you're just giving yourself an "eee" guide track to more confidently hit the "oh" and "I'll". For me, I feel the need to put a very soft "d" sound in front, or occassionally, an "h". You can get out of the habit, but it is frustratingly slow if you've been singing that way for a while.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

 

I agree with just about everything written here. BTW, I also have a problem adding extra sounds in front of words that start with vowels. You aren't saying "yo", you're just giving yourself an "eee" guide track to more confidently hit the "oh" and "I'll". For more, I feel the need to put a very soft "d" sound in front, or occassionally, an "h". You can get out of the habit, but it is frustratingly slow if you've been singing that way for a while.

 

 

Yeah, I've had this problem for about 10 years, but it started on saxophone. I have a tendency to 'bend' into notes. I have actually improved a lot with my singing and I should be able to overcome the problem. Another thing I used to do was under pronounce everything, I've really worked on that. I figured out I wasn't shaping my vowels enough on my lips. When I figured that out it helped a lot.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...