Jump to content

Finally, a new song, and it needs some work--Oh Me, Oh My


Chicken Monkey

Recommended Posts

  • Members

This is my first attempt at using the Zoom H4n I picked up. I'm still learning the mic, so there is some overdrive in here. Hopefully, this rough demo is still listenable.

 

You can find it here.

 

This is my first time using box.net--hopefully I did it right.

 

The lyrics:

 

Oh Me, Oh My

 

I was well known as a man of many words

My eloquence was often on display

I never missed a chance to be heard

I never wondered what to say

 

But since I met you it's been an endeavor

I struggle just to string two words together

Now ever since the day you caught my eye,

All I can say is, Oh me, oh my

 

Ch:

Oh me oh my

Oh me oh my

You got me so tongue tied,

Oh me oh my

 

Now any time I try to talk to you

I never seem to find the phrase

I'm marble-mouthed, I'm muttering, I'm mute

My sentences come out sideways

 

It used to be I was as smooth as butter

But when I'm with you, now I just stutter

Ask me any question, I'll reply

Oh me, oh, oh my, oh me oh my

 

Chorus

 

Bridge:

Oh me oh my

That's all that's left

Of a vocabulary that was legendary in it's heft

 

Instrumental/Scat

 

Chorus

 

I've got a number of issues with it as it stands, but rather than ask some leading questions, I'll just ask your feelings on the song, the lyric, the melody, and the idea. Hopefully, the presentation isn't too primitive to allow listening; I'm using a new device, and I'm overeager to get some new content out there--my recording computer has been out of service for the past several months.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

It's good.

 

I'd recommend changing a couple of lines.

 

Now any time I try to talk to you

I can't find the proper phrase

I'm marble-mouthed, I'm muttering, I'm mute

My sentences come out sideways

 

I'm not crazy about rhyming you with mute. Never mind that it's kind of sloppy writing (in my opinion), but when you set up the rhyme with an open oo sound, the ear tends not to hear the "t" in "mute," so it comes out sounding like "I'm muttering, I'm you..." which is nonsensical.

 

Also, I like the idea of rhyming "left" with "heft," and I love the internal rhyme of "vocabulary" and "legendary," but I think the last line needs a little work.

 

Oh me oh my

That's all that's left

Of a vocabulary that was legendary for its heft

 

I also think the scat break might sound cool with a kazoo. After all, it's a jug-band kind of song.

 

LCK

 

By the way, most people here don't seem to realize that it's means "it is," while its means that "a thing belongs" to a non-person. This is a spelling -- or perhaps a punctuation -- error, but perhaps worth mentioning now and again.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

 

I'm not crazy about rhyming
you
with
mute
. Never mind that it's kind of sloppy writing (in my opinion), but when you set up the rhyme with an open oo sound, the ear tends not to hear the "t" in "mute," so it comes out sounding like "I'm muttering, I'm
you..."
which is nonsensical.

 

Good point. I wasn't too worried about the lazy rhyme, as the "A" rhyme in an ABAB verse is kind of a "bonus", but you're right--it hits the ear wrong.

 


By the way, most people here don't seem to realize that
it's
means "it is," while
its
means that "a thing belongs" to a non-person. This is a spelling -- or perhaps a punctuation -- error, but perhaps worth mentioning now and again.

 

 

That's a part of my campaign to standardize the English language. To show possession with any other word, you add 's. Why should "it" be any different?

 

Or I was just rushing to get it typed last night.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

Oh yeah! I like this a lot. I like your style. Your singing's way cool. I only have one suggestion.

 

Oh me oh my

Oh me oh my

You got me so tongue tied

Oh me oh my

 

It seems to me you're missing an opportunity with the line "You got me so tongue tied" Tongue tied, that phrase, is one that causes your tongue to actually do what it is describing. So why not take the opportunity in the chorus, where you're really trying to bring it all to a head, and exacerbate the effect.

 

You've got me trick tickle triple timed tongue tied oh me oh my

 

Or something like that. To really give the chorus a crazy little hook that pushes the description into overdrive. Love the tune, love the vibe. Nice lyric.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

This is a well put together piece. A kazoo would be slay.

 

I'm sure you've seen this, but just in case you haven't, I've seen guys use a harmonica holder to hold a kazoo. It would go great with your band.

 

 

Good point. I wasn't too worried about the lazy rhyme, as the "A" rhyme in an ABAB verse is kind of a "bonus", but you're right--it hits the ear wrong.


 

 

maybe?

 

Now any time I try to talk to you

I never seem to find the phrase

I'm marble-mouthed, can't get through

With sentences coming out sideways

 

 

The only thing I really had an issue with in the song was "heft." I agree with LCK that is a great rhyme, and the sentiment is great, but I don't think the word, in this context, fits the song. There has to be a more simplistic way to say the same thing.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

 



That's a part of my campaign to standardize the English language. To show possession with any other word, you add 's. Why should "it" be any different?

 

 

It's not a noun, it's a pronoun. His, hers, ours, theirs.

 

And good luck on standardizing the English language! Personally, I think that it's its lack of standardization that makes English the most widely-spoken language on the planet. (Note the use of "it's its" in that sentence, one reason the apostrophe rule rules!)

 

All that aside, I like your song,

 

LCK

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Great tune, definitely pines for a kazoo break.

 

I like the "mute" line, with all the "m" words. Tack the "t" onto the end and everything is fine by me. Even without it I like it.

 

Also think Mr. Knight might be onto something with the "tongue tied" line, that you could demonstrate how tongue-tied you really are.

 

No matter what you do, it is a very enjoyable tune.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

 

This is a well put together piece. A kazoo would be slay.


I'm sure you've seen this, but just in case you haven't, I've seen guys use a harmonica holder to hold a kazoo. It would go great with your band.

 

 

I have a kazoo on my harmonica rack, and I planned to use it here, but I couldn't get it to level right during the vocal track, and didn't want to run another track just for the kazoo.

 

Thanks for the feedback. One of the things I was afraid would come up is the fact that I use quite a few 5 dollar words in a song about the limits of my vocabulary. Lee picks up on that a little bit, but it's a tough line to walk.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

By the way, most people here don't seem to realize that
it's
means "it is," while
its
means that "a thing belongs" to a non-person. This is a spelling -- or perhaps a punctuation -- error, but perhaps worth mentioning now and again.

 

Its prevalent enough, no doubt, but I think most can figure out it's usage.

 

Like that? :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Well my first critique here so here it goes. The melody and song structure is well done not breaking new ground, but simplicity is the way to go with the theme. I am torn between what comes next as far as any advice regarding the lyrics. Part of me thinks that there is some repetition or redundancy as far as the message of being touch tied with this person. However another impression is what other message could be implemented with out straying to far from the whole experience. I have a major struggle with my work as far as this is concerned and am not sure if this is a similar case. Anyway good tune, like to hear more.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Great song. It doesn't break much new ground musically or subject matter-wise, but your lyrics are very clever without using cliches, which gives the song a fresh feel. I love the vocal melody blue note on the last "oh" in the chorus.

 

I'm sort of in agreement. I guess I was hoping for some twist or development at the end that would bring it home. "I'm tongue tied, but happy. I've got better things to do with my tongue now. . . . , Oh me, oh my !" :eek:(I'm sure you can come up with something better than that).

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

The redundancy issue doesn't worry me - it just offers an opportunity to wind up the song in a similar manner to the opening verse, i.e. being a man of many words when you're not here and I get to sing this song about you etc.....that sort of thing.

 

Definitely jug band genre, but I disagree with homogenising it with a kazoo.

Why not do the musically unexpected?

Thing what Country Joe did with 'Feel like I'm fixing to die rag'

Rag format, but not trad-rag music. Worked for them.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

 

Definitely jug band genre, but I disagree with homogenising it with a kazoo.

Why not do the musically unexpected?

 

 

Well, the reality is that, if I'm going to do this one with my band, an instrumental break will be either guitar, pedal steel, kazoo, harmonica, or upright bass. The kazoo allows for the fullest instrumental backup. I could put a clavinet solo there on the recording, but that's a tree falling in the woods.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

 

This is my first attempt at using the Zoom H4n I picked up. I'm still learning the mic, so there is some overdrive in here. Hopefully, this rough demo is still listenable.


You can find it
.


This is my first time using box.net--hopefully I did it right.


The lyrics:


Oh Me, Oh My


I was well known as a man of many words

My eloquence was often on display

I never missed a chance to be heard

I never wondered what to say


But since I met you it's been an endeavor

I struggle just to string two words together

Now ever since the day you caught my eye,

All I can say is, Oh me, oh my


Ch:

Oh me oh my

Oh me oh my

You got me so tongue tied,

Oh me oh my


Now any time I try to talk to you

I never seem to find the phrase

I'm marble-mouthed, I'm muttering, I'm mute

My sentences come out sideways


It used to be I was as smooth as butter

But when I'm with you, now I just stutter

Ask me any question, I'll reply

Oh me, oh, oh my, oh me oh my


Chorus


Bridge:

Oh me oh my

That's all that's left

Of a vocabulary that was legendary in it's heft


Instrumental/Scat


Chorus


I've got a number of issues with it as it stands, but rather than ask some leading questions, I'll just ask your feelings on the song, the lyric, the melody, and the idea. Hopefully, the presentation isn't too primitive to allow listening; I'm using a new device, and I'm overeager to get some new content out there--my recording computer has been out of service for the past several months.

 

 

 

Hey CM,

 

I really liked it. I know 'cause I've listened more than once. However I thought there was one line that was a bit awkward as sung and it's the one below:

 

But since I met you it's been an endeavor

I struggle just to string two words together

Now ever since the day you caught my eye,

All I can say is, Oh me, oh my

 

The italicized portion I might consider changing because it sounds like you have an issue enunciated those words. I would too. They're just tough to sing. I think because "an" and "endeavor" sound so similar and they are sung one right after the other they're muddled together. Maybe use "clever" to rhyme with "togehter" like this:

 

But since I met you I'm no longer clever

 

Or something along those lines.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

 

Hey CM,


I really liked it. I know 'cause I've listened more than once. However I thought there was one line that was a bit awkward as sung and it's the one below:


But since I met you
it's been an endeavor

I struggle just to string two words together

Now ever since the day you caught my eye,

All I can say is, Oh me, oh my


The italicized portion I might consider changing because it sounds like you have an issue enunciated those words. I would too. They're just tough to sing. I think because "an" and "
en
deavor" sound so similar and they are sung one right after the other they're muddled together. Maybe use "clever" to rhyme with "togehter" like this:


But since I met you I'm no longer clever


Or something along those lines.

 

 

I gotta agree. For one other reason as well. It falls just that side of the line, in the feel of the rest of the words. A 12 dollar word slightly out of place. Of course it's not a 12 dollar word but it leans in that direction.

 

"Clever"is a great idea for a new opportunity rhyme. There's...

 

Birds of a feather

Weather

Who, whom or whomever

Whoever

However

 

Endeavor does feel a little out of place.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...