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Is it too late to post an August blockbuster song?


A Happy Crowd

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I hope this is okay... I wrote a song in response to the August blockbuster challenge. The song was originally recorded by Labor Day and I intended to upload it then, only to realize the vocals were cringe-inducing (believe it or not, the current vocals are a huge improvement) and re-recorded them. After I finally uploaded it, I then realized the vocals were too low, so I had to re-mix and upload again. Since I record on cassettes, it takes me a few extra steps to get a digital copy of the song, and long story short... I didn't get a chance to upload a listenable (I hope?) version of the song until last night.

 

http://soundcloud.com/collapsiblekingdoms/until-you-tear-apart

 

Until You Tear Apart

 

I filled up this well with indifference built on experience

Another short spell of excitement turned to dry up

It's taken too long to realize I'm wasting this time

But I still do

 

Every new day

Only the numbers change

They still resolve the same

Another promise from you

Only a fool would think that it's coming true

I spent all this time

I'm going to stay and watch how this story dies

But until you tear apart

I won't believe you

But I'm not leaving

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I like the feel of the tune. It's very catchy.

 

I'm not sure what to say about the lyric. The opening line is very intriguing. But then the story seems to be presented in an off-angled sort of way. In other words, I'm not 100% sure what it's about. I think a little more clarity might help the listener relate to it.

 

For instance, "wasting this time" should probably be "wasting my time," even though that's a bit of a cliche.

 

Another thing is the title phrase. It seems to me that you may be using the "tear apart" -- instead of "fall apart" or "come apart" -- primarily to avoid using a cliche. But things (and people) don't usually tear themselves apart.

 

I'm not sure what the phrases "only the numbers change" and "they still resolve the same" mean. I don't mind songs that are cryptic, and others may disagree, but I think a little more clarity is warranted.

 

LCK

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I'm not sure what the phrases "only the numbers change" and "they still resolve the same" mean. I don't mind songs that are cryptic, and others may disagree, but I think a little more clarity is warranted.


LCK

 

 

My guess is today is the 21, tomorrow will be the 22, and the next the 23. Each day ends with the same empty promises

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A new song is a new song!

 

The point of the song challenges is just to give folks an excuse to write. :thu:

 

 

The sound of this track has an aching vulnerability (as the rock crits say) completely attuned to the lyric. I like the idea of the numbers changing but still adding up the same, day after day. The portrait of a sort of passive intransigence is framed by the opening indifference and the closing promise that the singer won't leave... at least not until the other has torn apart. That's an odd construction -- but an interesting provocation. We might expect the other character in the song to tear apart the relationship -- but the lack of an object seems to imply that that character is going through a self-destruction... so it's has a bit of an unresolved feeling that rather fits with the tone of the song.

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Thanks for the responses. In thinking about LCK's comment about clarity, it hit me that I wasn't really sure myself what I may have been trying to express. I had a vague idea about the characters and the nature of their relationship, but when I wrote the lyrics, I found it very difficult to formulate in my mind what exactly was going on between them. I had enough of an idea to write what I wrote, but I suppose that if I'm not entirely sure what's going on, then the listener will understand even less. In that regard, Blue's comment was really interesting because I think he did a much better job of articulating what was happening with the characters than I was capable of doing!

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Thanks for the responses. In thinking about LCK's comment about clarity, it hit me that I wasn't really sure myself what I may have been trying to express. I had a vague idea about the characters and the nature of their relationship, but when I wrote the lyrics, I found it very difficult to formulate in my mind what exactly was going on between them. I had enough of an idea to write what I wrote, but I suppose that if I'm not entirely sure what's going on, then the listener will understand even less. In that regard, Blue's comment was really interesting because I think he did a much better job of articulating what was happening with the characters than I was capable of doing!

 

Blue has a knack for that kind of thing.

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