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My Christmas song


Surrealistic

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Reading Stick's thread made me want to revisit my Christmas song. Wrote the basics of this a few years back but never got around to finishing it. I've thrown a bunch of musical Christmas cliches in here - not sure whether a few too many (i.e. reference to deck the halls, church bells etc). Also I think a couple of the lines are a bit clunky - I'll see if you agree with me on which ones.

 

Would love some constructive criticism. Cheers.

 

Oh, and hope you don't criticise the Salvation Army band - it was a bugger to squeeze them into my little studio and I don't think I can persuade them to come back after what happened with the Tuba player and the lemon fret oil. Just don't go there, I beg you :)

 

(as long as I have you on) Christmas Day

 

http://www.soundclick.com/player/single_player.cfm?songid=11057569&q=hi

 

Lyric:

 

Falling snow, mistletoe, tinsel on the tree

starry nights and Christmas lights don't mean that much to me

the nights are cold, the stores are sold out, better check eBay

and don't you know the radio is jingling all the way

 

I don't dream of presents wrapped up just for me

I can live without a twinkling Christmas tree

I don't care too much for Santa and his sleigh

as long as I have you on Christmas day

I don't need the snow, it just gets in the way

as long as I have you on Christmas day

 

All of those who hope it snows can have it all to keep

I just aspire to stoke the fire and hold you while you sleep

Christmas cards are way too hard, wrapping presents too

let the rest have all that mess, I'd rather unwrap you

 

I don't dream of presents wrapped up just for me

I can live without a twinkling Christmas tree

I don't care too much for Santa and his sleigh

as long as I have you on Christmas day

I don't need the snow, it just gets in the way

as long as I have you on Christmas day

 

 

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Not bad! (You're English, so you understand my understatement).

 

What I thought let it down, was the repetitive vocal melody. You have a verse structure with each rhyming couplet supported by the same melody.

And then when you move to the chorus, although the melody differs from the verse, you use the same system of repeating the melody in the first 2 couplets.

 

What do you think? A melodic shift maybe in the verse?

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Thanks for listening guys. Interesting contrasting thoughts about the repetitiveness. I know it is a little repetitive in the verses but deciding whether that's a good or bad thing isn't so easy. I guess we need a little repetitiveness to make it "catchy" or "hooky" but quite how much is a matter of taste. I might try alternatives for the melody on some of the lines and see if that helps or hinders :)

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Not bad! (You're English, so you understand my understatement).


What I thought let it down, was the repetitive vocal melody. You have a verse structure with each rhyming couplet supported by the same melody.

And then when you move to the chorus, although the melody differs from the verse, you use the same system of repeating the melody in the first 2 couplets.


What do you think? A melodic shift maybe in the verse?

 

 

Really excellent ideas there^^^

 

the song works very well with its repetition. I know that I'd be strategically varying that motif in both the verse and chorus. It does, however, work as is, but I think you're right on the money OGP.

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Hope it's okay to bump this old thread.

 

Thanks for all the suggestions. I took on board the idea of varying the melody a little to avoid too much repetition, re-recorded a couple of parts and remixed.

 

Original song is still there on SoundClick but I've uploaded the latest version to ReverbNation (and submitted to the Holiday Classic competition - wish me luck :))

 

Here's the new version, hope you agree it's an improvement:

 

http://www.reverbnation.com/tunepak/3472015

 

Cheers

 

Keith

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Pretty. Especially the chorus.

 

WOW The brief instrumental with the horns. FANTASTIC.

 

What matters most is being with someone on christmas day, is really the heart of this song. And so, I think that this line:

 

I don't need the snow, it just gets in the way

as long as I have you on Christmas day

 

.. should be punched out somehow, made to stand out. Maybe with additional harmonies, maybe with some backing instruments, I don't know exactly how, but I think it should drive home that it's the main message.

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