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Stickboy's 9/1 Challenge Answer


rsadasiv

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No Rhymes!

 

http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=11099138

 

A Hard and Demanding Man

 

My father was a hard and demanding man

Though he did not think of himself as such.

 

He was there for all my childhood failures

His gestures made hollow by the sadness in his eyes

He always acted as if he had come up from nothing

Although I know he had been given much more than he managed to retain.

 

And for years and years I do believe

That he did hold it against me

That on the day when I finally left his house

That on that day I said to him:

 

 

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You're a bit far into Ken Nordine territory with the delivery, but...

 

 

You say that ^ like it's a bad thing. That's a good thing!

 

This is awesome, Ram. I love it love time. It really digs in and gets me. If the lyrics had been supported by a folky thing, it would've been fine. But this slant really brings something special to the lyric. It's got balls. So when you say you're clumsy and weak, it comes off more as modesty than being a sensitive boy. Really cool contradiction there. I dig daddy-o.

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Wow. That's amazingly good.

 

The turnabout idea (or whatever it's called), where the father echoes the son's statements, is excellent. But I think it works better when you're reading the lyric than when you're listening to the song.

 

So I would just suggest that when the dad is dying in the hospital, speaking to his son, you might want to add this one little bit:

 

 

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^^

That's a good point. "Sorry, son" has an alliterative quality to it that works.

 

Point taken. I kind of felt that it was unclear who was speaking that line when I was singing it, but I was trying to force a chorus into the structure, so I went with the repetition without considering that I could both have the repetition and make the meaning clearer. :thu:

 

In retrospect, I think I should have done more with the backing track under the lyrics. I spent a long time on the drums for the intro, and then I just kind of let the basic loop run for the rest of the song. :o

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