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"The One Who Got Away" -- drinking song, WIP -- does it work?


LCK

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I'm still working out the chords, but here's the lyric. The feeling I was going for is kind of 1920s, Tin Pan Alley rather than something from the swing era.

 

I should be able to download a recording later tonight or tomorrow.

 

My questions are: is the lyric too pathetic or too corny? I think the tune helps pull it off, but if there are any glaringly corny bits, let me know.

 

 

"The One Who Got Away"

 

I

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I think it's freaking great. The rhyme scheme and your excellent phrases that contain the needed rhymes is awesome.

 

My only possible constructive criticism would be the basic premise of The One That Got Away. It's not fresh, as I'm sure you know. So... how about twisting it to use the term to describe your last drink of the night as the waiter takes it away at closing time. The drink that got away while you were stewing and 'a brewing on losing her.

 

Just a thought.

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Not one to comment on lyrics that often... but that first line really drew me in.

 

Me either.....however....

 

......while the first line hooked me completely, the use of the word '{censored}' caught me up a little. You can probably sneak it in with the music, but.......I'm just sayin'.

 

Consider.....'Get it all together'. :wave:

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Thanks. You make some excellent points.

 

Drunks often buy pints of booze (but that's another story). Anyway, I'll probably use "fifth."

 

I've actually been going back and forth between pint, fifth, and quart (which sounds a bit strange but would be an hommage to the start of a great Larry Hart lyric, "Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered: "After one whole quart of brandy, like a daisy I awake, with no bromo seltzer handy, I don't even shake..."

 

LCK

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Thanks. You make some excellent points.


Drunks often buy pints of booze (but that's another story). Anyway, I'll probably use "fifth."


I've actually been going back and forth between pint, fifth, and quart (which sounds a bit strange but would be an hommage to the start of a great Larry Hart lyric, "Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered: "After one whole quart of brandy, like a daisy I awake, with no bromo seltzer handy, I don't even shake..."


LCK

 

 

 

Quart is cool and I like the hommage, but of the 3, I think fifth will be the most easily recognizable. You could take it a slightly different direction and reference you can now throw the brown paper bag away.

 

Or if you wanted to save that for a different spot, Brown Bagging it might be a cool phrase to work into this as well.

 

I'm brown bagging it

Cause I can't seem to forget

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Me either.....however....


......while the first line hooked me completely, the use of the word '{censored}' caught me up a little. You can probably sneak it in with the music, but.......I'm just sayin'.


Consider.....'Get it all together'.
:wave:

 

I sing it either that way (with get my {censored} together) or pull myself together.

 

I like that it's a shocker, but I'm not 100% sold that it's such a good idea/

 

LCK

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Thanks for the feedback, everyone. Please don't hesitate to rag on me some more if need be.

 

I've rewritten the lyric a little to accommodate some of your suggestions -- the ones I thought were useful. I mean, they're all useful, but not all of them can be used, at least not by me, for various reasons. For one thing, the song is about a guy who's drinking too much because he's thinking too much about the one that got away. So, as tired as those lines may be, they kinda hafta stay, at least for now.

 

I haven't come up with a viable replacement for "drinking again, gettin' stinkin' again..." -- the old opening of the 2nd verse -- so I've used the opening lines of the 1st verse there as well. It could work that way, or I could find something that'll work better. Also, I just noticed that I used the word "stay" as a rhyme for "got away" in both 1st and 2nd verses. I'll have to change that too.

 

Anyhoo, here's a very scratchy vocal, and very uncertain chords, but it gives a basic idea of the overall tune as it is now constituted.

 

Thanks again for your input, and thanks in advance for listening.

 

"The One Who Got Away" (Lou Kelso's Blues?)*

 

I

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I thnk this is great - there are a couple of lines but i think they have all been covered.... the only reason they are standing out is because the rest is so good so would be a shame not to bring all the other parts into line

 

how about a very final verse.... can be kinda when the music breaks down back to almost nothing...but a summary (the question at the start was "Why,

and if and when and whether I

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How about something like this for first verse after solo?

 

seems these bottles of liquor

lay empty much quicker

since the one that got away

 

and maybe something here?

 

I face the case (maybe not case? i dunno if face/case is too close?) on my shelf

yet I can't face myself

for how I tried and failed and let her betray. (not sure this fully works...but betray might work as a rhyme?)

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Am I alone in thinking the the term "The One Who Got Away" might be a little over used? To me, the song idea and execution are so strong, that using a title or phrase even, that is standard, but without a twist...

 

...no one's mentioned it or responding to me putting it forward so I'm thinking it's not seen as an issue. Here's my take then I'll shut up. :) It's dangerously close the current charting hit called "The One That Got Away" (Katy Perry). That, in itself, isn't an issue, though I wasn't crazy about her use of the term either. I love the idea that titles are titles. Use them. I also seem to remember an old war movie with that title. So here's why it feels strange to use this title when titles should be used interchangeably as effect. We've all discussed this right?

 

Because The One The Got Away is like... mmm... The Bigger They Are the Harder They Fall. Or... Pick Yourself Up By Your Bootstraps.

 

Using a title like Satin Doll might be cool is you left all other associations of the known tune and forged ahead. But hasn't the term The One That Got Away been used to the point of overuse, in songs, in movies, in magazine articles... doesn't it feel overused.

 

I think by saying the same thing with different words, or by using those sames words and saying the unexpected (like my last drink twist) would be more in line with the high quality of writing exhibited in the tune.

 

I'm wrong? I probably am. Sincerly. Just curious of everybody's take on this...

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Am I alone in thinking the the term "The One Who Got Away" might be a little over used? To me, the song idea and execution are so strong, that using a title or phrase even, that is standard, but without a twist...


...no one's mentioned it or responding to me putting it forward so I'm thinking it's not seen as an issue. Here's my take then I'll shut up.
:)
It's dangerously close the current charting hit called "The One That Got Away" (Katy Perry). That, in itself, isn't an issue, though I wasn't crazy about her use of the term either. I love the idea that titles are titles. Use them. I also seem to remember an old war movie with that title. So here's why it feels strange to use this title when titles should be used interchangeably as effect. We've all discussed this right?


Because The One The Got Away is like... mmm... The Bigger They Are the Harder They Fall. Or... Pick Yourself Up By Your Bootstraps.


Using a title like Satin Doll might be cool is you left all other associations of the known tune and forged ahead. But hasn't the term The One That Got Away been used to the point of overuse, in songs, in movies, in magazine articles... doesn't it feel
overused.


I think by saying the same thing with different words, or by using those sames words and saying the unexpected (like my last drink twist) would be more in line with the high quality of writing exhibited in the tune.


I'm wrong? I probably am. Sincerly. Just curious of everybody's take on this...

 

If you do a google search for "The One Who Got Away lyics" Devin Doll, Jen Foster, Bon Jovi, and Camus comes up.

If you do a google search for "The One That Got Away lyrics" it is all Katy Perry on the first page. Then in the related searches at the bottom these come up

 

the one that got away lyrics kenny loggins

the one that got away lyrics tom waits

the one that got away lyrics lil eddie

the one that got away lyrics pink

the one that got away lyrics random thoughts

the one that got away lyrics alice cooper

the one that got away lyrics allister

the one that got away lyrics natasha bedingfield

 

To answer Lee Knight's question; no, I dont' think you're wrong. At the same time, I don't think it is as much as an issue for LCK because he writes in such a classic style and to me this is a classic phrase.

 

Would it be better to use something more unique? I don't think it can hurt.

 

I think using "Lou Kelso's Blues" (The One Who Got Away) or "Rarely Been Sober" would be pretty cool.

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I was even thinking that the phrase within the tune could be shuffled a bit.


The Girl That Stole Away

The Girl I Let Slip Away


The Girl I Drank Away


Maybe the drinking drove her away and he licks his wounds by...
drinking.

 

 

That's not this guy's story. He was on top of the world until this happened. It threw him for a loop.

 

I'm not sure the phrase -- "the one that got away" -- can be modified, even if it should be. This guy is very sincere, if pathetic. And that's how he sees this.

 

That said, I'll take everyone's input into consideration.

 

Oh, and I think Sinatra did a song called "The Girl That Got Away." And Judy Garland did one called "The Man That Got Away," written by Harold Arlen and Ira Gershwin.

 

Here's Tom Waits' song, much different from mine!

 

[video=youtube;jXFuBuG03TU]

 

And in the interest of full disclosure, here's where the phrase, "I've rarely been sober..." came from.

 

"Carrickefergus"

 

Well, I'm drunk today and I'm rarely sober.

A handsome rover, from town to town...

But I've grown old now, and my days are numbered.

So come all ye young men, and lay me down.

 

LCK

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No, just no. It sounds awful.

If you have to fracture and crush words up to make them fit in you're using the wrong words.

I'd rephrase that line if I were you. Just mho.

 

 

I beg to differ. I'm not fracturing anything, I'm using the phrase -- supposed to -- in the exact way it's most often spoken informally (not to mention by someone who's been drinking).

 

If I had written out the phrase, as above, in its entirety -- supposed to -- would you have objected?

 

IOW, were you objecting to the way it was written out (typed/whatever) or the way it was sung?

 

LCK

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I don't think it is as much as an issue for LCK because he writes in such a classic style and to me this is a classic phrase.

 

I heartily concur. Don't think you could easily change that phrase and if so many have used it....then it is now an official classic and it's all yours as well.:wave:

 

I also like the use of 'Lou Kelso's Blues'...adds a little intrigue to the title.

 

That word stood out hard to me again in the recording, btw.

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That word stood out hard to me again in the recording, btw.

 

 

I'm starting to think that way myself. It's a little too much (maybe more than a little).

 

Henceforth, and forever:

 

"if and when and whether

I'll pull myself together..."

 

Or

 

"if and when and whether

I'll get my act together..."

 

LCK

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Great lyric as usual.

My only comment is with regard to the tempo.

The delivery feels like it might benefit from being a tad faster.

I doubt that you want it to be maudlin, nor jaunty, but there's somewhere in-between that I'm hearing the right 'mood' for the lyric.

 

I guess it's about a state of mind - please try it and see.

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Great lyric as usual.

My only comment is with regard to the tempo.

The delivery feels like it might benefit from being a tad faster.

I doubt that you want it to be maudlin, nor jaunty, but there's somewhere in-between that I'm hearing the right 'mood' for the lyric.


I guess it's about a state of mind - please try it and see.

 

 

I've been thinking it ought to be done a little slower!

 

I'll try it a little faster, though. The introductory verse does have a kind of jaunty tempo to it.

 

LCK

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