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Into The Distance......A story song (without a story)


LeonardScaper

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Yeah.......I was working on this when I saw ChickenMonkey's thread with a nicely developed story song.

 

This one really started with a catchy little rhythm thing that I quickly tracked so as not to lose it. Tracked another guit part just as quickly and there it was......no lyrics....not even a breath of a story.

 

But a the hook line came along while I was mixing the guitars......so last night I just put down a few train of thought lyrics.

 

I won't be grinding much on this one for a while as I have another that is closer to finished that I'd like your input on in a while. So if anybody has any ideas as to what this story is about and how said story might be developed.....I'm all ears.

 

There's a lot going on here in the neighborhood......so I appreciate any time you can put in on this little ditty.

 

http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=11323873

 

Your pride will spark resistance

And maybe we'll be undone

'Cause you're just too damn persistant

So we'll ride into the distance

And maybe we'll find the sun

 

We'll try and find your princess

If you think she may be the one

Oh we'll try a little tenderness

And then we'll try to catch the wind

Because we'll probably be on the run

 

We'll ride into the distance

We'll ride into the distance

We'll ride

'Cause we're on the run

We'll ride into the distance

We'll ride into the distance

We'll ride

Into the sun

 

Instr

 

We'll ride into the distance

And we'll handle it as it comes

We'll find a way to get this thing undone

But we'll probably meet more resistance

So I guess we best bring the gun

So we can ride

We can ride

 

You tell me I'm trying to run your business

Hey but that's why we're on the run

So let's ride

 

We'll ride into the distance

We'll ride into the distance

We'll ride

Into the sun

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First off, the tune is great. And I love the guitar rhythms. Very cool.

 

I am confused by the lyric. I love the 1st line

 

 

Your pride will spark resistance (just great)

And maybe we'll be undone (makes sense)

'Cause you're just too damn persistent (but here... persistence and resistance are at odds with each other. Aren't you the persistent one?

You say I'm too damn persistent

 

So we'll ride into the distance

And maybe we'll find the sun (so you have a journey you want him to go with you on)

 

We'll try and find your princess (your son?)

If you think she may be the one (love it)

Oh we'll try a little tenderness (now I'm getting confused)

And then we'll try to catch the wind (there's that journey again, cool)

Because we'll probably be on the run (on the run? Why? Isn't this a journey to find his princess?)

 

 

So, so far I get that you're talking to your son and you guys are going to go on a journey to catch the wind, dance on the sun and find him a babe. Personally, I love that idea. Is that the idea? If so, I'd point everything in that direction lyrically.

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Not about my son.....any of them. At least it wasn't until I read that comment. It just might be now.


I was starting to think it's about two guys.....buddies (maybe) who got mixed up in something nefarious. The gun thing is definitely not my style but if I was to continue in the direction of outlaw types the gun could work. The problem with such a complicated story line is that there isn't enough time for the back story.


And what's the deal with the princess? I have no real clue except that the buddy has some personal business to attend to before they go on the lamb.

 

 

 

I don't think it is necessary to tell the whole story in the song, but I think it will help to figure out what the story is before you continue. At this point, it doesn't seem like you know exactly what has happened. If you know some more details, you will be able to work in more specifics and also have something to work towards.

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I think it will help to figure out what the story is before you continue.

 

That's it exactly! Thanks rhino.:wave:

 

I'm turning this song on its head a little.....listening to what I've written for musical phrases and using them in entire new ways. And......I think I have a real story line that is none of the above. Working on it right now and it feels pretty good.:cool:

 

Don't want to give it away just yet as it is only just gestating. I will say, however, that I have been greatly influenced by one of you who has recently seen things circle back around toward the positive.;):wave:

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OK....so it's not a 'story song' anymore. It transitioned into a 'relationship song'.

 

I thought it might be interesting to go ahead and post the new version so folks could see just how we make our particular brand of sausage here at Mad Science Audio.:wave:

 

Am I actually allowed to have this much fun?:cool:

 

http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=11324710

 

Your pride has sparked resistance

And we're bound to be undone

'Cause you're just too damn persistant

But before we slide off into the distance

Before this race is run

Just listen

 

You're always trying to be the princess

And sometimes that's just no fun

You oughta try a little tenderness

Because we need a second wind right now

Or a change is gonna come

 

Will we slide off into the distance

Will we slide off into the distance

Or will you use some of that persistance

To get this done

 

Will we slide off into the distance

 

Will we slide off into the distance

 

instr

 

You know it's strange that we don't care about

All the things that we have done

Are we filled with indifference

 

It's hard to change when you're staring down

The barrel of a gun

But we got try

We got to try girl

To make sense of this

 

We got to try

A little harder

Dear

 

So lets get right down to business girl

We can turn this thing around

Mmhmm

Yeah

 

And then we'll ride into the distance

We'll ride into the distance

We'll ride into the distance

As one

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OK....so it's not a 'story song' anymore. It transitioned into a 'relationship song'.


I thought it might be interesting to go ahead and post the new version so folks could see just how we make our particular brand of sausage here at Mad Science Audio.
:wave:

Am I actually
allowed
to have this much fun?
:cool:

 

I'm impressed how you casually morphed the old song into a new one. Casually kept a word here and a word there. And casually had fun while you were doing it.

I can't see anything to improve.

 

And last time I looked, musical fun was not rationed. We can have it by the trough-full, and it doesn't clag up our arteries. :)

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OK....so it's not a 'story song' anymore. It transitioned into a 'relationship song'.


I thought it might be interesting to go ahead and post the new version so folks could see just how we make our particular brand of sausage here at Mad Science Audio.
:wave:

Am I actually
allowed
to have this much fun?
:cool:

 

I'm usually one for honing and polishing lyrics, but I liked the stream-of-consciousness version better.

 

This one sounds kind of written. The other one sounded more, I don't know, off-the-cuff.

 

Maybe I'm wrong?

 

LCK

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Well....I liked that off the cuff thing a lot. That's what I tend to do most times.

 

But I really like this new version. I feel like I hit on a vein. Funny...when I get stuck like this I always end up writing about something that I have lived.

 

Hearing a lot of things that I want to add. Think I'll keep it just as it is for now, though.

 

Thanks, gents.:wave:

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The new chorus is really great--I don't know a lot of choruses that are questions (except: Who are you? Oo oo, oo oo), but that's exactly what you want in this case. The new lyric is a lot stronger than the first in that you've removed a lot of the wishy-washy language: maybe, probably, I guess, etc. However, the first version had some mystery to it that's missing in the second--I don't know how to tell you to "add mystery", but you certainly had it going on the first one.

 

As a mechanical thing, "but before we slide..." in verse one is clunky, or maybe you're just not singing it right yet. You might think about changing the line altogether, as it kind of blows your chorus' cover a bit.

 

And the guitar parts are great.

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Tell us about Mad Science Audio, and how it affects / contributes to your songwriting craft.

 

Well.....I used to make up a lot of songs. Been doing it for years. But it wasn't until I started getting serious about recording myself that I really started writing them. Being able to listen to what I'm doing has helped me to hone my writing skills and I now find myself writing most of my material as I record.

 

But nobody ever really showed me how to use all these toys properly.......so I just make things up as I go along. Mix in a little of this.....pour in a little of that....shake vigorously. If it doesn't explode it usually ends up sounding pretty good.:cool:

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I came into this at the end.

 

That chorus really shines in this song for me. Very memorable, quietly poetic.

 

The lyrics are simply beautiful. It's like I can listen to the song and every time start out with my head in a different place and have the words still work.

 

This song is made for a full production - harmonies in the chorus, full set of instruments etc. This sounds like a winner here.

 

Sorry to be so critical :)

 

Rick

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This is my first chance actually getting to listen to this... (soundclick is blocked at work damnit!).

 

Really nice work... I really love your guitar playing. I kind of suck at the guitar, so I frequently suffer from guitar envy when I hear the rest of you guys play.

 

The song is good. I like the gentle vocals... and the sparse arrangement. Curious to hear, as Rick says, what a full arrangement would sound like... but I think something with mostly acoustic type instruments, maybe a mandolin... would really sound cool.

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Yeah....I was wondering what the opinions would be about expanding this one.

 

I'm hearing a lot of stuff in this song but in a way I kind of like the fact that it is so sparse that the listener is allowed to fill in those spaces in his mind.

 

I appreciate the kind words, guys. I think I'll work up some other instrumentation and see where it takes me.

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