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Kathie D - One More Time


rickidoo

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Update: I received some fantastic feedback from many people on this song. Invaluable feedback. I hear ya loud and clear. The vocals will be replaced. Other structural changes have been made already.

 

Thank you so much. No need to comment more in this thread, but feel free to if you wish.

 

Thank you to all.

 

Rick

 

 

 

Here is an updated version, hopefully prefinal. I ended up keeping the lyrics as is, after giving it some thought.

 

I just got done listening to Dramey's rocken A Slight Tropical Depression. What a cool cool song so far. At any rate, what a world of difference between my teenybopper song from another decade here and Dramey's, and many other songs posted here. When I grow up I hope to be able to write more serious tunes. :-)

 

This is NOT a personal song.

 

Like? Dislike? Barf? Sappy Bag? Cheer?

 

Kathie D (She's Everything to Me)

©2011 Rick Dieffenbach

 

V1: Driving in my car, on this a sunny day

The wheels are turning to the beat as my sweet ipod plays

 

=======================================

CHORUS:

I'm on my way back home to her, to see my girl

The sun is bright the sky is blue, in my world

 

======================================

 

V2: She's the one for me, of that you can be sure.

She taught me all I need to know that love is so much more

 

(CHORUS)

 

Instrumental

 

====================================

She's everything to me, kathie d

She's made my life complete, kathie d

=======================================

 

 

V3: Now it won't be long, 'til I am back at home

The miles they pass so quickly as I sing this happy song

 

CHORUS

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Here is an updated version, hopefully prefinal. I ended up keeping the lyrics as is, after giving it some thought.


I just got done listening to Dramey's rocken
A Slight Tropical Depression
. What a cool cool song so far. At any rate, what a world of difference between my teenybopper song from another decade here and Dramey's, and many other songs posted here. When I grow up I hope to be able to write more serious tunes. :-)


This is NOT a personal song.


Like? Dislike? Barf? Sappy Bag? Cheer?


Kathie D (She's Everything to Me)

(c)2011 Rick Dieffenbach


V1:
Driving in my car, on this a sunny day

The wheels are turning to the beat as my sweet ipod plays


=======================================

CHORUS:

I'm on my way back home to her, to see my girl

The sun is bright the sky is blue, in my world


======================================


V2:
She's the one for me, of that you can be sure.

She taught me all I need to know that love is so much more


(CHORUS)


Instrumental


====================================

She's everything to me, kathie d

She's made my life complete, kathie d

=======================================



V3:
Now it won't be long, 'til I am back at home

The miles they pass so quickly as I sing this happy song


CHORUS

It certainly has a sunny, pop feel, an early 60s vibe with some flashes back to earlier, unabashedly cornier times. I couldn't help but feel like the melody here, or at least its delivery, was a little awkward, the sudden rushes of notes, the sing-songy quality of the vocal lines. And that quality is a little fatiguing... I kind of wanted the song to just relax. ;) When I looked at the duration of the song, it was just a few ticks over 2-1/2 minutes, yet it felt a little long, and I think the melody is a factor.

 

Once again, you've shown a good grasp of pop arrangement concepts. The synth sounds themselves, of course, may not be the hippest, but we get the idea of what is going on in your arrangement and the elements are well used. (I thought the b/u vocal dooh doohs were particularly nice and had a distinctly Comden and Green feel.)

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It certainly has a sunny, pop feel, an early 60s vibe with some flashes back to earlier, unabashedly cornier times. I couldn't help but feel like the melody here, or at least its delivery, was a little awkward, the sudden rushes of notes, the sing-songy quality of the vocal lines. And that quality is a little fatiguing... I kind of wanted the song to
just relax
.
;)
When I looked at the duration of the song, it was just a few ticks over 2-1/2 minutes, yet it
felt
a little long, and I think the melody is a factor.


Once again, you've shown a good grasp of pop arrangement concepts. The synth sounds themselves, of course, may not be the hippest, but we get the idea of what is going on in your arrangement and the elements are well used. (I thought the b/u vocal
dooh doohs
were particularly nice and had a distinctly Comden and Green feel.)

 

Blue - your insights are excellent as always. Your post prompted me to do some surgery on the piece, cutting out some extra fat in the instrumental, removing the brief instrumental start, adding an even briefer start, and remixing the whole thing. Plus dropped the sax and strings and replaced with a more aggressive guitar, yet hopefully still fun. The song is now just over 2 minutes. But more importantly, I am hoping it is an easier listen.

 

Git's already nudged me for voice lessons, which start Monday. Who knows... But seriously, the melody I hear in my head for portions of the song is suppose to be punctuated to the beat. I'll have to think through that some more.

 

Much appreciated your thoughts.

 

Rick

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Rick - I agree with what blue is saying about your delivery. Try pulling back a bit on the cuteness voice factor, and sing it like Paul would.

I suggest you do a demo for yourself and compare the two.

We just have to keep listening to ourselves unfortunately.

 

 

That's a good idea about the comparison, hadn't thought of that. That could tell the tail... thanks.. oh year voice lesson monday... :-)

 

Rick

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...oh year voice lesson monday... :-)

 

 

Are you going to take a voice lesson? Is that what you're saying? That is a great idea. It's fun.

 

Another approach is to get a vocal warmup CD. I did. I used to sing professionally but after not doing it for years, it was tough getting back into it. I got a warmup CD and put it on in the car. Everyday. She'd repeat certain tips as she readys for the next exercise, "Jaw dropped, don't forget to breath, and relax those shoulders, here we go...". Everyday for my daily commute.

 

In a week I could hit notes like never before. And my comfortable range got so much better sounding. All from understanding where the power comes from. That's what they mean when they're talking "breathing", and how to use your mouth to basically get out of the way. Produce and control the flow (lungs/diaphragm) and getting out of its way (mouth/head). To open up.

 

When I was producing records locally here, I'd buy the singer a copy and ask him to use it everyday before we start tracking. Every vocalist reported back that they were amazed at the difference in their voices by doing the exercise and having the constant tip reminders while doing them.

 

Anyway, I'll try to find the name of that CD and pass it on to you. I've since edited it down for a quick sessions and I'll have to dig up the original to get the name.

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Are you going to take a voice lesson? Is that what you're saying? That is a great idea. It's fun.

 

 

Yes.

 

I would love to learn the name of that CD you spoke of. I just went to amazon and there are a number of them. I'd like to pick up the one that is tried and true in your experience.

 

I will probably never sing to perform. I just don't want my singing to detract from the song demos I create.

 

Thanks!

 

Rick

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Definitely a cute tune....and I would echo what has been said already.

 

Most importantly, from my personal viewpoint, is to relax into your song both when you are writing and singing it. Blue's comment about the rushes of notes is an important one. It took me a long time to learn how to say things with fewer words in my songs and to realize that a more concise vocal arrangement can leave space for you to get the most out of each word and phrase.

 

Which brings me to the most important thing....your voice. Another thing that has taken me forever is to accept my voice for what it is and find a way to let its hidden and somewhat oblique character come through. You can do this too. Relax and let the song come out on its own.

 

:wave:

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