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Angels Have To Fly- the story of a woman who escaped an abusive relationship


lynn51

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This song is dedicated to all people who have gotten away from a monster in their life.

It can be found here:http://www.soundclick.com/player/single_player.cfm?songid=11306971&q=hi&newref=1

 

 

Throw off those chains, get out of the dark

All that remains are the teeth of the shark

No reason to stay, you'll only be used

The price that you pay is being abused

 

It's all you can do just staying alive

It's all up to you the way you arrive

Turn on the lights, start making some noise

By anyone's rights you have to rejoice

 

CHORUS: Escaping gravity is harder than it looks

You need velocity to get out from those hooks

Empires come and go, but dreams will never die

Rivers have to flow, and angels have to fly

 

Lay down the law, take what you can get

It may only be straw so cover your bet

Keep your mind open, and don't be afraid

There's always an omen from something you've made

 

CHORUS

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Hey, lynn51! :thu:

 

This has an interesting, hard-to-classify sound... lots of different elements. The vocals remind me a bit of Gentle Giant. The guitars have a kind of later Bowie edginess. (Of course none of that really has much directly to do with songwriting. But I found those elements intriguing.)

 

Overall, I think it works well enough, but looking a little closer at lyric specifics, there are places where the words seem a little rhyme-driven. For instance, the shark... It's not a bad image, at all, someone surviving a shark attack, the teeth left behind (I got attacked by a great white but all I got out of it were a couple of shark's teeth)... but it's a bit out of left field (no other shark/fish/ocean or other parallel types of metaphors in the song).

 

Speaking of rhymes, there was just a thread earlier on z and s in rhyme syllables and I notice you've got noise and rejoice here in the middle of otherwise tight rhymes. I didn't think it was a problem, but having tight rhymes most of the way through and then having a near or slant rhyme filling the same value/place in the song can draw attention to the 'discrepancy.' Here, it didn't bother me. That said, the expectations of those tight rhymes does create some tension around it.

 

Another thing I think I'd watch out for is a tendency to resort to 'stock phrase constructions' like empires come and go coupled with dreams will never die... the juxtaposition of meanings is nice, but the phrases are so familiar as to slide through the mind without provoking much thought. If, for instance, you found a slightly different way to evoke the same thing, the ephemerality of empire and the eternal quality of dreams/aspirations/etc you could probably really make the listener consider what is actually being talked about.

 

Moving on, I had a little difficulty with the lay down the law/straw/cover your bet lines... The rhyme and tied meanings of straw and law seemed a bit incongruous. When is the law straw? I mean, I get it, when it's not worth anything, but, I dunno, it seemed a bit problematic.

 

I think you've got a provocative, intriguing work here. I think with a bit of tinkering, it could be made stronger. But if you're in a creative mode right now, you might find it better to take what you've learned and move on to the next song, calling this one finished, at least for now. (Me, I write while the inspiration is hot and edit/refine when it's not. Of course, if you're not lucky, you'll end up with too much editing time on your hands. :D )

 

Good stuff, keep up the good work!

 

:)

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Hey Lynn51!

 

That's some phasetastic guitar you've got going on. I like it - it's definitely got the Bowie/Carlos Alomar thing that Blue2Blue noticed. The modulation to the second half of the chord progression in the verse is suitably creepy and unsettling. I kind of wanted a bridge after "have to fly" at the end of the chorus - the guitar wants to take off but the chord progression is stuck in the same place. Sound textures are excellent throughout. Bass is a little busy, but it fits the style well. Drums have the same issue, busy but a little bit static.

 

Overall, pretty cool. I enjoyed it, and welcome to the forum. :wave:

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The music here brings a kind of chill. And the vocals and vocal effects are delivered to enhance that feeling. It works as delivered.

 

Still, and this is probably (no, it *is*) my personal bias/tendencies at work, when I listened to this song, I heard a song that wanted to be less chill. I mean this as a compliment, it could work on an acoustic guitar slowed down a touch with simpler harmonies. Or it could work with a rocken back beat and a more singular singing voice. I don't hear that same quality in many songs. I guess another way of saying this is the chill "effect" is so strong, that it is in competition with the vocal/lyrical message for my attention. Kinda like too much spice in a pot of spaghetti sauce.

 

Again .. I *know* this is my personal, old fashioned bias at work here. Totally ignore me....

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I want to thank you all for replying. I agree with blue2blue that it may be better to start a new song rather than tinker with this song. I purposely chose to be flexible with the rhyme scheme in order to tell the story more succinctly. To rickidoo, thank you for you observation. I can think of several alternate arrangements for this song, but these are the spices I opted to go with. If you think there's a chill to this story, the real story this song is based on is infinitely more chilling. This is about a friend of mine who was married to a real monster. In fact, the line "empires come and go" could have been "monsters come and go" instead, and maybe would have been more appropriate. To rsadasiv- thank you for the kind words about the guitar tracks. The drums and bass were compressed, but ever so slightly. I did have a King Crimson vibe in mind, and I wanted them to step forward in the mix to glue everything else together. Just an engineering decision.

 

Again, thank you all, and I have a few more songs to post in the near future that could use extra ears. I really find your opinions to be of great help. I hope to be a more regular contributor here in the future.

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Well I have to give you what I think whether you want to do anything with it or not.

 

It's a compelling topic. You've got a great edgy feel to the music. It' seems like it's about something important. But I get the feeling you're skimming over the surface lyrically. Each verse/chorus pretty much restates the premise from another point of view. You don't actually tell a story. We don't know anything about this character. Or about the singer and his relationship to her. Or anything about the bad guy. There's nothing specific about what kind of abuse. It's not necessary to be graphic, or to be too personal, but it's best to give the listener some specific illusions so they can built a story in their head.

 

I think the later verses do a decent job of telling the person what they should do. But still it's all spoken metaphorically. Which is cool, if you've established some basic storyline for the listener in the first place. Then stepping back and being philosophical works well. But if we don't get any specifics, then the lyric can lose the listener if it's always talking in non-specific general metaphorical terms.

 

Feel free to ignore anything I say. Most intelligent people do.

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Marshal, thank you for replying. This song is less a story and more of a congratulatory boost for whom it was intended. If I told the whole story it would take an entire CD. The woman I wrote it for needed a morale boost, and this is how it came out. I do take what you say seriously and appreciate your response.

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The guitars are repetitive and are overwhelming the mix. I want the vocals/lyrics to stand out - that's where the story comes from. The whole thing starts to fade halfway through for some reason? Sounds like a guitar riff where you tried to fit the lyrics into it....:D

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I can't listen right now so just checking out the lyric.

 

 

e


Empires come and go, but dreams will never die

Rivers have to flow, and angels have to fly


 

 

Blue's point about the first line above is spot on. But I really do like the feel of how it all builds to your payoff line: and angels have to fly. Blue, very eloquently suggested you find replacements for those two images. I agree... just be sure you get the rhythm of that lead up to pop like it does now.

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Lee, thank you for taking the time to respond. I agree that the law/straw thing is kind of a reach, but if you know the story it kind of makes sense. This woman had to go to court to get a restraining order against her husband (lay down the law), and was told to take him to the cleaners for whatever she could salvage from the relationship monetarily, which may be nothing (may only be straw). Again, as I said above, I had to skim over some details for the general public, but the woman in question knows exactly what I'm talking about. Monsters come and go, and angels have to fly.

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I hear you.

 

One of the cool things about this forum is the feedback you get. And we always have to deal personally with those questions. "Is the input something I agree with." "Am I'm not agreeing out of habit?"

 

I tend to try and get my stuff out to this crew early on. Sometimes I'll write a 5 minute verse/chorus/verse/chorus and post it right away. Why so soon? Because it gets me in the mind of rewrites. Right off the bat. Nothing is sacred until it is airtight.

 

Sometimes somebody might say to me, "that's cliche" and in my mind I can hear that it won't be. That I'll or am doing something different with it. And sometimes we want cliches. But you'll find on this board, that most go on a seek and destroy with common images. It's good. It forces you to try and say what you want to say, in a new way. To rhyme with skill and integrity but not let rhyme drive the lyric.

 

So might consider, going forward, putting an early rough of your lyric or guitar voice demo out here. That way you have the benefit of input to add to your choices. That's the key, it's always still your choice.

 

:thu:

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I hear you.


One of the cool things about this forum is the feedback you get. And we always have to deal personally with those questions. "Is the input something I agree with." "Am I'm not agreeing out of habit?"


I tend to try and get my stuff out to this crew early on. Sometimes I'll write a 5 minute verse/chorus/verse/chorus and post it right away. Why so soon? Because it gets me in the mind of rewrites. Right off the bat. Nothing is sacred until it is airtight.


Sometimes somebody might say to me, "that's cliche" and in my mind I can hear that it won't be. That I'll or am doing something different with it. And sometimes we want cliches. But you'll find on this board, that most go on a seek and destroy with common images. It's good. It forces you to try and say what you want to say, in a new way. To rhyme with skill and integrity but not let rhyme drive the lyric.


So might consider, going forward, putting an early rough of your lyric or guitar voice demo out here. That way you have the benefit of input to add to
your choices
. That's the key, it's always still your choice.


:thu:

I love to see Lee work over his songs repeatedly, it reveals so much process. With me, I'm just kind of swinging around in the dark, every once in a while I hit something, but I typically have little idea of how I connected up. With Lee's work, though, the logic of the incremental work he does on a song seems to lead from one version to the next, particularly if you read his own comments on his work...

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