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February Challenge: Blue Melody


bee3

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Pg 22 - A Pure Drop: The Life of Jeff Buckley

 

A start...

 

Blue Melody

So, they figured you out

Did they get you to break your solemn vow?

Sing, alone in your room

Did they get you to sing a lonesome tune?

 

All your melodies colored blue

Surround you in your room

What is your true inspiration?

Even though you sing them in tune

Your haunting melodies loom

You sing to their expectations

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Pg 22 - A Pure Drop: The Life of Jeff Buckley


A start...


Blue Melody

So, they figured you out

Did they get you to break your solemn vow?

Sing, alone in your room

Did they get you to sing a lonesome tune?


All your melodies colored blue

Surround you in your room

What is your true inspiration?

Even though you sing them in tune

Your haunting melodies loom

You sing to their expectations

 

 

As a first draft this is okay; I'd just be wary of re-using the same words as rhymes in both sections.

 

(I really like some Lee's suggestions, btw.)

 

I'm sure the tune will bring new ideas, new inspiration.

 

LCK

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I was not familiar with Jeff Buckly so I googled, then eventually made my way to amazon and the book you took the title from. Then I sampled Hallelujah on Amazon. I really liked what I heard. And then I read Wikipedia on him. And then sampled more songs.

 

I am looking forward to hearing how your song unfolds.

 

The only comment I have on the start of the lyrics, is a suggestion. I am assuming you are writing this as a general audience song (as opposed to a personal song). My thought is to write the lyrics so that "everyman/woman" can be thinking it's them in the song. If you've ever heard the song "American Pie", it is said that the heart of that song was about the death of Buddy Holly. Yet, that song resonates extremely well even if one has no idea about the buddy holly connection. I think it works so well because it's so easy to feel the part of the character in the story.

 

Just my two cents!

 

Rick

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I was not familiar with Jeff Buckly so I googled, then eventually made my way to amazon and the book you took the title from. Then I sampled Hallelujah on Amazon. I really liked what I heard. And then I read Wikipedia on him. And then sampled more songs.


I am looking forward to hearing how your song unfolds.


The only comment I have on the start of the lyrics, is a suggestion. I am assuming you are writing this as a general audience song (as opposed to a personal song). My thought is to write the lyrics so that "everyman/woman" can be thinking it's them in the song. If you've ever heard the song "American Pie", it is said that the heart of that song was about the death of Buddy Holly. Yet, that song resonates extremely well even if one has no idea about the buddy holly connection. I think it works so well because it's so easy to feel the part of the character in the story.


Just my two cents!


Rick

 

 

Unrelated to your song Bee (which is coming along nicely.

 

Rick you should really own Grace by Jeff Buckley - known as a classic, he lived a short life but came up with this masterpiece... sure there are a couple of duff tracks but then come "lover you should have come over" and these duffers are soon forgotten.

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Unrelated to your song Bee (which is coming along nicely.


Rick you should really own Grace by Jeff Buckley - known as a classic, he lived a short life but came up with this masterpiece... sure there are a couple of duff tracks but then come "lover you should have come over" and these duffers are soon forgotten.

 

Yes... That song is amazing. While you're at it, download a copy of his song Forget Her.

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Unrelated to your song Bee (which is coming along nicely.


Rick you should really own Grace by Jeff Buckley - known as a classic, he lived a short life but came up with this masterpiece... sure there are a couple of duff tracks but then come "lover you should have come over" and these duffers are soon forgotten.

 

 

Yeah. I remember catching him on the local public access station's music video show and being blow away by this:

 

[video=youtube;3MMXjunSx80]

 

A short, unhappy life but he left some great music.

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Just a quick preview of the first verse and chorus. I'm lazy and haven't really worked on the lyrics yet... What else is new?


 

 

Really like it - im not sure about the "padded" room line.... seems to instantly pigeon-hole the song to a certain person ..... maybe "empty room" or "vacant room" would keep it more universal?

 

Love the harmonies as alway

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As a first draft this is okay; I'd just be wary of re-using the same words as rhymes in both sections.


(I really like some Lee's suggestions, btw.)


I'm sure the tune will bring new ideas, new inspiration.


LCK

 

 

I agree.

 

Just riffing on the lyrics. Maybe this will help spark something

 

 

 

Blue Melody

So, they figured you out

Did they get you to break your solemn vow?

Sing, alone in your room

Did they make you sing a lonesome tune?

 

All your melodies colored blue

Hang in the air surrounding you

What is your true inspiration?

shades on the lamps on your eyes

No separating the truth from lies

You sing to their expectations

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Blue Melody

 

So, they figured you out

Did they get you to break your solemn vow?

And sing, alone in your room

Did they get you to sing a lonesome tune?

 

All your melodies colored blue

Their natural hue

Are they part of your inspiration?

Even though you sing them in tune

They paint a picture of doom

Did you meet their blue expectations... of you?

 

You're not very well

Do you have a sad tale you'd like to tell

in song, deliver it blue

Your melody is strong

So why not you?

 

All your melodies colored blue

Their natural hue

Are they part of your inspiration?

Even though you sing them in tune

They paint a picture of doom

Did you meet their blue expectations... of you?

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OK... I started tracking. Before I do vocals, any comments on these?

 

Blue Melody

So, they figured you out

Did they get you to break your solemn vow?

Sing, alone in your room

Did they get you to sing a lonesome tune?

 

All your melodies colored blue

Here in your room

Are they part of your inspiration?

Even though you sing them in tune

With an indigo hue

They didn't meet their blue expectations of you

 

You know you're not very well

Did they get you to sell your deepest secrets?

Your soul and chakra are blue

Did they say you could buy them back later if you wanted to?

 

All your melodies colored blue

Here in your room

Are they part of your inspiration?

Even though you sing them in tune?

With an indigo hue

They didn't meet their blue expectations

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OK... I started tracking. Before I do vocals, any comments on these?


Blue Melody


Guess they got to you now.

Did they get you to break your solemn vow?

Sing, alone in your room

Did they get you to sing a lonesome tune?


All your melodies colored blue

Here in your room

Are they part of your inspiration?

Even though you sing them in tune

With an indigo hue

They didn't meet their blue expectations of you


You know you're not very well

Did they get you to sell your deepest secrets?

Your soul and chakra
s
are blue

Did they say you could buy them back later if you wanted to?


All your melodies colored blue

Here in your room

Are they part of your inspiration?

Even though you sing them in tune?

With an indigo hue

They didn't meet their blue expectations

 

I made two suggestions. Two, only two. That means I think this lyric is ready to fly.

 

LyriCistKing ;)

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Terrific. Do you need the "part of" in the inspiration line? Or can you simply run with "Are they your inspiration"?

 

I'm not a fan of the 2nd verse, it is noticably weaker than the rest. Perhaps stating it rather than asking?

 

 

Yes, they figured you out

And made you sell your deepest secrets

 

 

Something like that?

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Terrific. Do you need the "part of" in the inspiration line? Or can you simply run with "Are they your inspiration"?


I'm not a fan of the 2nd verse, it is noticably weaker than the rest. Perhaps stating it rather than asking?


Something like that?

 

 

I kind of need the "Part of" to make it fit rhythmically.

 

Yes, they figured you out will work. Not sure if the second line as you've written will work, but I'll try it... may need a few more syllables.

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Chakra?


If yer askin' I'm tellin'. Chakra? Man, that's hard to pull off even in jest. You sure you want that? Maybe you have a way of pulling it off... but I thought I should mention it at least.

:) Yeah, I was trying to see if I could pull it off. But it hurts to even look at it. I was laughing as I wrote it thinking it wouldn't pass the LCK test.

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:)
Yeah, I was trying to see if I could pull it off. But it hurts to even look at it. I was laughing as I wrote it thinking it wouldn't pass the LCK test.

 

No, I love it. Love, love, love it. (But it should be chakras, plural.)

 

LCK

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No, I love it. Love, love, love it. (But it should be chakras, plural.)


LCK

 

 

I will admit, I'm missing something. I'm trying to understand the slant. Is it sarcastic? Is just a life style reference? If you're into chakras and all that stuff, it's nothing I relate to. So I'd just make the point, a lot of people will be in the same boat as me. That's neither here nor there if that's the bag. But it loses me...

 

Is there a slant or "take" on the term chakra that I'm missing being used here?

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Is there a slant or "take" on the term chakra that I'm missing being used here?

 

 

Chakras are energy points in the body. They're an integral part of eastern science and medicine. One of the things that acupuncture does is balance the energy of your chakras.

 

Each chakra is said to have a specific color and energy signature. One chakra may be related to keeping the bones and joints healthy, another for muscles, another for nerves, others for various internal organs.

 

I don't think you have to understand any of this for the song to work. "Your chakras are blue" is a very clever line. Even people who don't relate to chakras should get that this guy's life is really out of whack.

 

LCK

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