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Draft Lyrics: Sailing Blue Sky Sunshine


rickidoo

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THANKS - I THINK I NEED TO TAKE A DIFFERENT TURN WITH THIS.. BE BACK LATER. APPRECIATE THE FEEDBACK!

 

All SET NOW.

 

Rick

 

 

 

Hello - I have a one minute very rough song demo (emphasis on the word "very") and the following lyrics. I'd appreciate thoughts on the lyrics in particular, but any other comments are welcome too.

 

Please bare with me on the demo, from vocals to music, I just wanted to hear for myself one approach.

 

mp3

 

 

V1: Sailing blue sky sunshine, and the breeze is fine

seagulls fly, to cheer our freedom song

no where to go, no time to make, just you and me

And every day brings a new dawn

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It's got a kind of disconnect w/ the way that most people use the English language, which is something writers should avoid in general, but it seems to be a kind of a hook here. Without hearing the whole thing, the first verse really feels like a chorus, and the chorus really feels like a bridge. I hear Wings-era McCartney in the melody.

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It's got a kind of disconnect w/ the way that most people use the English language, which is something writers should avoid in general, but it seems to be a kind of a hook here. Without hearing the whole thing, the first verse really feels like a chorus, and the chorus really feels like a bridge. I hear Wings-era McCartney in the melody.

 

 

+1 That was definitely a chorus, and a good one so opening with it is a good idea. Personally, I think if you just switched the labels you'd be on to something, call the verse a chorus and vice versa. Then just change the lyrics a little to give each verse a slightly different flavor. Something like:

 

 

Chorus

 

V1

I used to think having the good life

was big homes fast cars

but now it

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Oswlek - good points thanks!

 

The wine and cheese line would connect with sailors. We had a 27 foot sailboat for 7 years, not a rich man's boat for sure. But we spent many a time with wine and cheese! (Cheap wine and cheap cheese...). My dream would be to live on a larger sail boat, maybe 38' and just cruise around for a couple of years....

 

:-)

 

Rick

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Gotcha. In my world, a "wine and cheese" crowd is one is full of stuffed shirts, pretty much the opposite of what you are trying to convey. If you can make that clearer "cheap wine and cheap cheese(?)" I think it would be a good idea.

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