Members stickboymusic Posted April 12, 2012 Members Share Posted April 12, 2012 Just quickly started this... mainly because my friend lent me their floor tom , its proper rough... no click or anything ..so very much just an idea but anyway... worth making into something or too boring? http://picosong.com/wkrd/ No shadows here to followupon this land i roamI know that in the endI am cursed to be aloneAnd great old Auntie LilyShe walked a similar pathUpon these crooked pavementswhere street lights seem to laugh Im lonesome where i sleepThis double bed is wasted on me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted April 12, 2012 Members Share Posted April 12, 2012 It's a beautiful tune. Not boring at all. Certainly worth developing further. Like all your tunes, it lingers quite nicely in the mind after the music has stopped playing. LCK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted April 12, 2012 Moderators Share Posted April 12, 2012 This double bed is wasted on me ^nice line^ Got a title? Wasted On Me? I love this tune and I hope you develop it further. I love the reference to your antecedent Aunt Lily. That's the kind of detail that lets us know you mean it. Whether fiction or fact, this rings true. The street lamps laughing is a great image. It implies mocking your sleeplessness without being too obvious. And... it brings to mind a sort of almost creepy sad Wizard of Oz talking Apple Orchard. I hope you develop this cause it perfect so far. I'd love to think you somehow telepathically stole my melody for This Culture of Honor, but honestly, I didn't have anything near this good in mind. Wow, this is very cool. Am I drooling? Though nothing like it, it brings to mind this old one from Chad and Jeremy [video=youtube;11KuuJ0RvDA] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted April 12, 2012 Author Members Share Posted April 12, 2012 My great Aunt Lily is/was in fact real.... she passed away a few years back at the grand old age of 103 some say she lived that long as she never married.... thats one big stress off her mind! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted April 12, 2012 Author Members Share Posted April 12, 2012 Oh and the street lights laughing was also a reference to having no shadow.... whether that being my own or one that could be with me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted April 12, 2012 Moderators Share Posted April 12, 2012 Oh and the street lights laughing was also a reference to having no shadow.... whether that being my own or one that could be with me Right. Nice. You do realize though that the lamps come right before the word sleep in the refrain. And you're saying how your big bed is wasted on just you. So I don't know if sleeplessness was intended but it trickled through to me that way. I only mention it cause it gives you more ways to branch out in further verse. Lonely vs. alone, sleepless vs. awake. The idea of the sad loner or the one who lived to 103 because she was allowed to live her life as her life. It sounds like you've thought this all through. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted April 12, 2012 Members Share Posted April 12, 2012 Though nothing like it, it brings to mind this old one from Chad and Jeremy Or this one by Townes Van Zandt: "Kathleen." [video=youtube;BrQzO3OJMkg] LCK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted April 12, 2012 Members Share Posted April 12, 2012 My great Aunt Lily is/was in fact real.... she passed away a few years back at the grand old age of 103some say she lived that long as she never married.... thats one big stress off her mind! So I'm married with three kids... whaddaythink? I'll live to about 63? I've got some writing to do... have to establish my legacy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted April 12, 2012 Author Members Share Posted April 12, 2012 So I'm married with three kids... whaddaythink? I'll live to about 63? I've got some writing to do... have to establish my legacy. yeh you best pull your finger out!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted April 12, 2012 Author Members Share Posted April 12, 2012 I put a bit of electric guitar on it - livens it up a bit (changed the first link) just gotta write the rest of it now! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted April 12, 2012 Members Share Posted April 12, 2012 I think we all have songs written with this progression, so I wouldn't worry about similarity. It was plenty original. Personally, I loved it, wholly enchanting. The only thing that I have any reservations about is the major chord at 0:52. As I was listening I was silently hoping you did something a little more creative than that. That major chord so blatantly beckons that I think avoiding it would create tension without the listener being totally aware why it is there. But the rest is fantastic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted April 12, 2012 Author Members Share Posted April 12, 2012 Cool - will try that - im on capo 4th going into an F there.... will try a Dm.... its still similar but wont feel so major Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted April 12, 2012 Moderators Share Posted April 12, 2012 this is so cool What is going on in your rhythm bed. Is it guitar? The thing that's doing that repeating pattern. It has a sound like a Tom Waits soft mallet marimba. Dark and scary and sad. This song is going to be great. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted April 12, 2012 Author Members Share Posted April 12, 2012 this is so cool What is going on in your rhythm bed. Is it guitar? The thing that's doing that repeating pattern. It has a sound like a Tom Waits soft mallet marimba. Dark and scary and sad. This song is going to be great. Yeh just my elec guitar with some palm muting Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted April 12, 2012 Members Share Posted April 12, 2012 Yeh just my elec guitar with some palm muting It's funny, the more you learn about all the tools available, you more you realize that they aren't as necessary as you initially thought. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted April 12, 2012 Author Members Share Posted April 12, 2012 It's funny, the more you learn about all the tools available, you more you realize that they aren't as necessary as you initially thought. I have to say when it comes to tracks like this, the more organic I can make it, the better it ultimately sounds and FEELS If there is something that i REALLY need that i simply dont have.... like a piano.... i will have to use fake ones but they really can stick out like a sore thumb and distract from the mood of the song.... if you havent got it see if you can create it naturally....then use fake if all else fails There is nothing fake on this track.......yet Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted April 12, 2012 Author Members Share Posted April 12, 2012 So im thinking of calling it "wasted on me" as Lee said. Im also thinking about changing the chorus everytime so its not really a chorus and then having a middle 8 maybe not these words but something like ohhhh i need someone to keepthis thing called love is wasted on me do you think that will work or better to repeat what i have? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted April 12, 2012 Members Share Posted April 12, 2012 Really like the direction this is going. The tremolo guitar is really nice... yet another one where an accordion would sound very cool. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted April 12, 2012 Author Members Share Posted April 12, 2012 Really like the direction this is going. The tremolo guitar is really nice... yet another one where an accordion would sound very cool. I will take the accordian out the box and give it a try you have to see this thing....its over 100 years old and so decorative! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted April 12, 2012 Author Members Share Posted April 12, 2012 Here is a bad picture off my phone.... doesn't really show its size look at all them chord buttons at the back!! http://www.flickr.com/photos/edmoc99/6925947894/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted April 12, 2012 Moderators Share Posted April 12, 2012 So im thinking of calling it "wasted on me" as Lee said.Im also thinking about changing the chorus everytime so its not really a chorus and then having a middle 8maybe not these words but something likeohhhh i need someone to keepthis thing called love is wasted on medo you think that will work or better to repeat what i have? I sort of thought you would be changing it each time. I think that's the way to go with this. It's not about a bed, right? I like the idea of the bed, then... what? a loveseat? or... family membership to the gym? I don't know, then just saying love. I think you're feeling it. Follow that. Did I mention this is going to be great. It already is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted April 13, 2012 Members Share Posted April 13, 2012 The mood of the song is what might be described as 'North country melancholy'.There is a folk tradition of ballads from the north of England that uses that minor flavour and similar melody.They deal with working down pit, at the mill, away at sea and those waiting for return. I like what you are doing instrumentally that sets it apart from these old ballads, but the historic reference to the mood remains. So where will you go with the lyric?I had 2 great aunts who were spinsters and very strong women. They came from that generation of English women who had nobody to marry after the decimation of men during WW1.Your great aunt would have had her own circumstances. Is there any way that you can link her loneliness (or aloneness) with her positive attributes? And although the song is about your protagonist being alone, is there some common factor that might link the two? Bind the song with a universal truism. The key is probably in capturing the melancholy without it being maudlin. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Monkey Uncle Posted April 13, 2012 Members Share Posted April 13, 2012 I think we all have songs written with this progression, so I wouldn't worry about similarity. It was plenty original. I immediately thought of this Mellencamp tune, which has a similar melody. I think there is something innate to that chord progression that makes our ears gravitate to that same basic melody. [video=youtube;SOycL1wcmUQ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted April 13, 2012 Author Members Share Posted April 13, 2012 Ok - this is where i am up - a rough video.... there are a few melody issues in this video.... but please ignore them... i think i know what i want the melody to do on V2 and Middle 8 I just wasnt fully with it on this recording. Speak up now on lyrics ect please... im not going to start recording this til we have ironed out any issues - thank you! [video=youtube;AeaIP-L-sgQ]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AeaIP-L-sgQ Wasted on me. No shadow here to followupon this land i roamI know that in the endI am cursed to be aloneAnd great old auntie lilyshe walked a similar pathupon these crooked pavementswhere street lights seem to laugh Im lonesome where I sleepThis double bed is wasted on me No lighthouse in the harbour to carry me to shore (have considered "guide me to the shore" , think i prefer as is but speak up)no safety net beneath meto catch me should i fallbut great old auntie lilywell she outlived them alli shall live beside her shadowand die inside this wall Im lonesome where (maybe when?) I eatthis meal for two is wasted on me The curse it has been liftedthe blessing is a giftthat only the lonely knowno matter how i tryi can't ignore this lullabythat was started long ago (maybe "written" instead of "started" but i dunno.... it was "written" now but the tale "started" long ago) Don't give your hand to keepthis thing called love is wasted on me As sure as ebbing seathis thing called love is wasted on me this thing called love is wasted on me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted April 13, 2012 Members Share Posted April 13, 2012 I love this: "i shall live beside her shadowand die inside this wall..." I think I like guide me to the shore rather than carry me. Ditto with written over started. There's probably another way to say both of them, but I think guide is probably the perfect word for that line. I'm not as attached to written over started. LCK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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