Members stickboymusic Posted April 24, 2012 Members Share Posted April 24, 2012 Gimme your bestCome on and take my testLook straight into these... pale green eyesGive it a trySee if you can lie, boy, I bet you're like all the restCome on and take my testJust gimme your best Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted April 24, 2012 Members Share Posted April 24, 2012 On a doubled chorus, you might end withIf you aren't gonna take my testJust give it a rest Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted April 24, 2012 Author Moderators Share Posted April 24, 2012 Rest is better for the opening than best. I've always prefered it too, but I can't get a hokk to rhyme and a title from it. I'm leaning toward: Take the Test Dare you to take the test Gimme your best Look straight into these... light green eyes Give it a try See if you can lie, boy, Without lookin' away Come on gimme your best Dare you to take the test Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted April 24, 2012 Author Moderators Share Posted April 24, 2012 pale is good I'm liking the idea of using rest similar to what Justin O is suggesting. Take the test, or give it a rest Take the test, or give it a rest Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted April 24, 2012 Members Share Posted April 24, 2012 Give it a restyou're only half true at best? give it a restyou're a waste of space i guess give it a resti think its time that you confessed give it a restcan't you see im not impressed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted April 24, 2012 Author Moderators Share Posted April 24, 2012 Gimme your bestCome on and take my testLook straight into these... pale green eyesGive it a trySee if you can lie, boy, I bet you're like all the restCome on and take my testJust gimme your best So you're not liking: See if you can lie, boy, Without lookin' away I like what you've done there Stick. It's direct. Simple. No wait... except I like the nonrhyme on the 3rd to last line. Do you not like that nonrhyme? Think it's easier to grab onto this way? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted April 24, 2012 Members Share Posted April 24, 2012 So you're not liking: See if you can lie, boy, Without lookin' awayI like what you've done there Stick. It's direct. Simple. i just think for the poppy chorus the word "away" came from nowhere? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted April 24, 2012 Author Moderators Share Posted April 24, 2012 Give it a rest I'm not impressed Just give it a rest I'm not impressed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted April 24, 2012 Members Share Posted April 24, 2012 Give it a rest I'm not impressed Just give it a rest I'm not impressed well that stripped it down Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members HoboSage Posted April 24, 2012 Members Share Posted April 24, 2012 I don't want to hear what you have to say . . . So, just give it a restI'm not impressed by your b.s.I don't wanna listen to more of your liesI'll just say goodbyeAnd I will not cry, boyIt's not all about youOoo, either give me your bestor, give it a rest Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted April 24, 2012 Members Share Posted April 24, 2012 I don't want to hear what you have to say . . .So, just give it a restI'm not impressed by your b.s.I don't wanna listen to more of your liesI'll just say goodbyeAnd I will not cry, boyIt's not all about youOoo, so either give me your bestor, give it a rest just give it a restim bored of your b.s Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members HoboSage Posted April 24, 2012 Members Share Posted April 24, 2012 I'm so bored BY your b.s. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted April 24, 2012 Members Share Posted April 24, 2012 Give it a rest I'm not impressed By your BS Give it a rest Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members HoboSage Posted April 24, 2012 Members Share Posted April 24, 2012 Just take a hikedon't you know I'm really a dyke? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted April 24, 2012 Members Share Posted April 24, 2012 Just wondering if when singing B.S it is obvious what is being said? great on paper...but when i sing it aloud it could be anything..... may be a good thing though.... kids love to find out that you're saying a "naughty" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted April 24, 2012 Members Share Posted April 24, 2012 Just take a hike don't you know I'm really a dyke? THREADSMASH Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members HoboSage Posted April 24, 2012 Members Share Posted April 24, 2012 I think a brief pause followed by an emphasized "B" and "S" would do the trick to make it clearly come across Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted April 24, 2012 Author Moderators Share Posted April 24, 2012 i just think for the poppy chorus the word "away" came from nowhere?I'm all for making it easier to grab onto. My original chorus, you know... that one that doesn't work! had that non rhyme. The sort of extended chorus. So, this rewrite, it might make sense bail on that and really streamline the whole chorus hook. I gotta really mess with this... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted April 24, 2012 Author Moderators Share Posted April 24, 2012 Just take a hikedon't you know I'm really a dyke? I assumed you were a guy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted April 24, 2012 Author Moderators Share Posted April 24, 2012 well that stripped it down yeah, that was supposed to be an ad lib tag. Sorry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members HoboSage Posted April 24, 2012 Members Share Posted April 24, 2012 I assumed you were a guy. So did my parents. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted April 24, 2012 Members Share Posted April 24, 2012 I think something like this Give it a restI'm not impressedBy your BSGive it a rest would be great. I think I might prefer the second one, but either way you'll have more space to play around with the melody. And if your daughter isn't feeling anger or bringing the attitude it might be fun to try humor. I'm not saying to make it like a joke song or anything, but if she were almost about laugh it might be neat. Sort of like she isn't even taking this guy seriously. Still attitude but a different kind that might come more naturally to her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted April 24, 2012 Members Share Posted April 24, 2012 Yeh Just give it a rest (REST (crowd repeat))Im so bored of your B.S boooooooooooooooooyCan't you see im not impressedso give it a rest Its simple but i think thats what it needs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ido1957 Posted April 24, 2012 Members Share Posted April 24, 2012 This isn't a testSo just give it a restI don't wanna listen to yatelling any more liesJust look in my eyesAnd tell me the truth, boyIt's not all about youOoo, just give it a restThis isn't a test Just a suggestion - I would maybe try - for the sake of familiarity/simplicity/pop slang/whatever:This ain't a test/This ain't no test/I don't want it to go country but the "isn't" seems too rigid (or something) for pop. I guess I need to ask myself would Selena or Avril do???? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ido1957 Posted April 24, 2012 Members Share Posted April 24, 2012 Yeh Just give it a rest (REST (crowd repeat)) Im so bored of your B.S boooooooooooooooooy Can't you see im not impressed so give it a rest Its simple but i think thats what it needs Agreed - it needs to be simple for pop (most of the time) - something a kid (or anyone) can repeat without thinking too much about it.I hate to say it but maybe junior high level speak....as I read somewhere that the average adult relates at a grade 10 level.And I like that Selena Gomez song - despite the auto tune - it is catchy and I like the arrangement - so sue me lol.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.