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A better "Boom Bay"?


Mahuska

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This breaks probably all the rules

This about pure emotion. I hope one can follow it and that it is not a jumbled mess

 

LYRICS

 

I hear Boom Bah have we won the War?

from a distance

Boom Bah

Boom Bah

From the cold ground earth

My brother cant't sing

Boom Bah

 

I woke up from this kind of trance

no moment to relax

With special dancers calling me and find my special

(?) hips

I can't explain that I feel no pain I feel just feel

this kind of bliss

The Nurses's tried their best to make me feel so

comfortable

 

Why is my time

to go home

with my brothers in the ground

Beleive me you have not

seen such suffering

With one main objective

Kill or be killed.

Kill or be Killed

 

SC

http://soundcloud.com/mahuska/a-better-boom-bah

 

With practice harmonies will improve..... Also I can't seen ti figure out how to embed, so for now right click the SC in a new tab

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I like this number much. It sounds like there is a lot of emotional intensity going on. Like an abstract painting, I did not know what to make of the lyrics the first time out. But on 2nd listen I began to piece together a picture.

 

The piano accompaniment I like especially.

 

It's not a piece I would normally listen to, but it has a certain creativity to it that I like.

 

Rick

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Once again, the song becomes much more listenable once you get into the groove. I have no suggestions to offer, but you really need to find a way to get your voice into the spot it is in the second verse right away.

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Once again, the song becomes much more listenable once you get into the groove. I have no suggestions to offer, but you really need to find a way to get your voice into the spot it is in the second verse right away.

 

 

Thanks again for the listen Do you feel a pre-chrous that would start with a similar feel from the verses but picks up the pace when it joins/ties the Chrous groove/vibe more?

This proposed Pre-chorus would not take long to get into vibe of the chorus.

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It isn't really a songwriting thing. I'm not saying you need to amp the song up quicker (though if that is what you need to do to get your voice in the right spot, do it). I'm saying that you are a much better singer than that initial verse suggests. Once you hit your "David Bowie" stride at "I woke up at this" I enjoyed things, including the instrumentation.

 

But the singing in that opening verse is like glass in my ears. If it weren't for the supportive setting of this forum, I would've turned it off long before getting to the good part.

 

Yes, that isn't really a songwriting critique, and not all of us are the greatest singers. But you are killing your chances of people investing in your song when the opening is that poor. I'm really not trying to be an asshole here, just giving you as direct feedback as possible. If I didn't think you had it in you to do a lot better, I wouldn't even be saying this.

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It isn't really a songwriting thing. I'm not saying you need to amp the song up quicker (though if that is what you need to do to get your voice in the right spot, do it). I'm saying that you are a much better singer than that initial verse suggests. Once you hit your "David Bowie" stride at "I woke up at this" I enjoyed things, including the instrumentation.


But the singing in that opening verse is like glass in my ears. If it weren't for the supportive setting of this forum, I would've turned it off long before getting to the good part.


Yes, that isn't really a
songwriting
critique, and not all of us are the greatest singers. But you are killing your chances of people investing in your song when the opening is that poor. I'm really not trying to be an asshole here, just giving you as direct feedback as possible. If I didn't think you had it in you to do a lot better, I wouldn't even be saying this.

 

First thank you for your honesty and the fact you took the time to listen to the song in it's entirety. I will say a few things like why I started the song in this fashion. Then I will carry on with a proposed new approach (thanks to you?).

I was trying to be "in character" with soldier that wasn't exactly sure of the battle/war's outcome. The vocal droning low registers I thought might be an cool idea. Well obviously not and I

would surely not want the listener click stop before the song really kicks in. I can go back, pick up more of Cadence into followed by the Boom Bahs' being sung in the higher registers with a much forceful beat.

I think I can still involve myself in this character but on in a different light. This may involve a change in melody but I embrace this new approach and once again thank you for your comments

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I love it. I hope you don't make any substantial changes. I liked the singing in the first part too, but I'm not an experienced musician or singer so my ear could be off. I'm not sure about the word "special" especially when it describes hips, but that's the only thing that stood out to me as maybe a little distracting to me. What do you think about more of the "Boom bah" part at the end also? It seems to end abruptly and my ear was craving hearing that Book Bah part again, but it never came.

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I love it. I hope you don't make any substantial changes. I liked the singing in the first part too, but I'm not an experienced musician or singer so my ear could be off. I'm not sure about the word "special" especially when it describes hips, but that's the only thing that stood out to me as maybe a little distracting to me. What do you think about more of the "Boom bah" part at the end also? It seems to end abruptly and my ear was craving hearing that Book Bah part again, but it never came.

 

Thanks for taking the time to listen. I have been out of the loop for past 2 weeks recovering from pneumonia and am now getting back to work on some of my projects.

I sent/emailed quotes from the 2 above regarding impressions of this song, to a friend that has a Professional Recording Studio. We used to write songs together years ago, but in fact have just started

a new collaboration the first time in 30 years. Below is his his take on things regarding "Boom Bah" as I had expressed a certain level of frustration on what I should do or change etc.

 

.."Glad you take criticism well. Yeah I understand what they both were saying. Understanding that the human mind becomes accustomed to certain melodic styles and tones when one ventures into styles beyond that scope say like Yoko and say your new song it is hard to go beyond the initial shock and hear anything of depth to the work. I believe that is why all new styles of music are really just modifications to an existing popular style. Only enough change to be interesting not enough to receive criticism like your piers have givin. Rock around the Clock was shocking to people when it came out and most people found it repulsive. It ventured just beyond that conditioned ear training the public had. Within a year Boom Bah.

Really it's all about what message you want to give and how you want people to receive it......)

 

One thing I know for sure is I am going to do gang the Boom Bah vocals spread over 6 or more tracks. I'll try variations of my own voice and may employ others but Boom Bah is supposed to be a chant. A war cry.

I imagine several versions will be recorded. One I will still keep but tweak some more as described is the one posted here on this thread. The non-flattering vocal still in my mind fits the scenario of this soldier in that particular moment. Other versions just to keep it on the "safe" side.

As far as special hips, that is in question as I realized I referred to the Dancers and my hips, so this needs to be changed. Hallucination of these Dancers are supposed to be them

encouraging him/me to try and dance with them. I'll sort those lines out.

I like your suggestion of more Boom Bah's especially at the end. I will do so, Thanks

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This song has been in my head for 2 days now. I was singing Boom Bah to my husband off and on for some hours after hearing this. I think your friend is right, this is something unique and special. I can imagine it having been a popular song in the Vietnam era, yet it was written today. That makes it even more interesting I think. Hope you feel better!

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This song has been in my head for 2 days now. I was singing Boom Bah to my husband off and on for some hours after hearing this. I think your friend is right, this is something unique and special. I can imagine it having been a popular song in the Vietnam era, yet it was written today. That makes it even more interesting I think. Hope you feel better!

 

That is really cool. I know what it is like to hear a song in my head for a few days.

I do need to mention something though. After a few days when I posted this thread and the song, I didn't listen to it until today. I am really bummed about my vocal performance. I can't believe I was singing out of key so much, even in the Chorus. I may have to try using one side of the headphones and a cupped hand behind my other ear if the problem of pitch persists. I've done so in the past. I also noticed some bad notes here and there

with the Bass Guitar. Without going into detail I'll just add that the past several months I have been enduring a personal crisis, I think that has impacted my performances and Many of my new song ideas need substantial work. I feel confident that I can now move forward and produce much better work as things have settled down and I have resolved much of what was so disturbing and difficult.

Again thanks for your kind words

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Sure, the song could be better executed but I assumed that would be done eventually. The song itself though I think is great. I know how life crises can affect creative ability and overall functioning so I can totally understand. Wishing you luck getting the performance polished. I'd love to hear it again then.

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