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August 2012 SHOWCASE Thread :: Finished work, videos, career news, BSP, more...

blue2blue

By blue2blue
in Songwriting Workshop

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LCK Newbie

LCK

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The link works, he just didn't leave a space between the title "The Sea" and the link:

 

 

Thanks.

 

I like the melody of the bridge. And there are some opportunities (mostly used quite well) for internal rhymes. Maybe if I have time later I'll offer some suggestions for changes.

 

LCK

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LCK Newbie

LCK

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Since I'm a dog trainer, I spend a lot of time with my client's dogs.

 

One day, while out with a viszla named Otis, we entered Central Park, and all the squirrels sat up, as if they knew who he was. It was really quite extraordinary. With most dogs they wait till the dog gets close enough to be dangerous. With Otis it was different.

 

So I wrote a song about it.

 

Note: His owner was named Kate, and she moved to Amsterdam for a while.

 

 

 

"Here Comes Otis"

 

 

 

 

Ev'ry morning in Central Park

all the squirrels are on a lark.

Suddenly you'll hear them shout,

"Watch out! Watch out! Here comes Otis!

"Watch out! Watch out! Here comes Otis!"

(Otis sings.) Ah-whoo ah-whoo ah-whoo, ah-whoo ah-whoo ah-whoo

Whoo, whoo, ah-whoo whoo whoo.

 

They scamper toward the nearest tree

as Otis chases excitedly,

and squirrel lovers watch in disgust.

But it's just, it's just "squirrel aerobics!"

Yes it's just, it's just "squirrel aerobics!"

"Watch out! Watch out! Here comes Otis!"

(Otis sings.) Ah-whoo ah-whoo ah-whoo, ah-whoo ah-whoo ah-whoo

Whoo, whoo, ah-whoo whoo whoo.

 

If they gave medals for chasing squirrels

Otis would soon earn his.

He doesn't care for silly girls,

except his mama Kate that is.

 

But Kate has lassoed herself a man.

So she's moving to Amsterdam

where ev'ry squirrel in every square

best beware, they best beware:

Hier komnen Otis!

"Watch out! Watch out! Here comes Otis!"

Ja, they best bevare, they best bevare:

Hier kommen Otis!

(Otis sings.) Ah-whoo ah-whoo ah-whoo, ah-whoo ah-whoo ah-whoo

Whoo, whoo, ah-whoo whoo whoo.

 

Otis flew back across the sea.

We knew he'd have to eventually.

Now all the squirrels in Central Park

hear his bark, they know his bark,

they say, "That's our Otis!"

They hear his bark, they love his bark,

they say, "That's our Otis!"

(Otis sings.) Ah-whoo ah-whoo ah-whoo, ah-whoo ah-whoo ah-whoo

Whoo, whoo, ah-whoo whoo whoo.

 

 

 

 

Words and Music
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IllinoisJack Newbie

IllinoisJack

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LCK - :re Madonna of the Dawn

 

This has some very nice spots. There's some keeper images in there - for sure. I think it needs condensed though. A bit like imagery via flechette round. Overwhelming. You have the skills. I know it's an oldie and you're sentimental about it. I can dig it.

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IllinoisJack Newbie

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Lee -

 

re: here comes Otis.

 

I loved it. A great song for children. I would change "Kate" to "Mom" or "Mommy" - makes it universal. Also - squirells on a lark? Fix that. Other than that, I dig it, dig it.

 

re: Pal and Spike

 

(knock) AND IT CLEARS THE FENCES!!!!! Most excellent - That was very well constructed. "Alabama" is too many sylables for the honey line. Maybe "clover" or some other two sylable word with "honey"

 

And I'll give you a wink and a nob for the line about getting a toothful. At first I was gonna throw a flag, but upon reflection decided it has a "cute" factor. Really nice piece. I enjoyed the read.

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LCK Newbie

LCK

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Lee -


re: here comes Otis.


I loved it. A great song for children. I would change "Kate" to "Mom" or "Mommy" - makes it universal. Also - squirells on a lark? Fix that. Other than that, I dig it, dig it.


re: Pal and Spike


(knock) AND IT CLEARS THE FENCES!!!!! Most excellent - That was very well constructed. "Alabama" is too many sylables for the honey line. Maybe "clover" or some other two sylable word with "honey"


And I'll give you a wink and a nob for the line about getting a toothful. At first I was gonna throw a flag, but upon reflection decided it has a "cute" factor. Really nice piece. I enjoyed the read.

 

 

Thanks for reading them, and for listening to "Madonna of the Dawn."

 

I should do a demo of some of these dog songs. The tunes are very different from what I usually write.

 

Oh, and "Alabama honey" works just fine with the tune (I think, I'm pretty sure). It's funnier that way because it follows "twice as sweet" then the tune goes into a bit of double time, which kind of reinforces the humor (I think, I'm pretty sure).

 

LCK

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rsadasiv Newbie

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Okay, so I mentioned a Bob Dylan song* in the Friday influences thread as a song which influenced me to write what I consider to be my first actual keeper, which I wrote in November of 1972 (almost 40 years ago, for those counting). And I mentioned I might upload a demo of that tune here.


Ram egged me on. So this is it.

 

 

That's really great. It both sounds like you and sounds like it came from a world away, all at the same time.

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bee3 Newbie

bee3

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Sounds amazing - Mastering takes everything to that next level.

I need to read up on what actually happens when a track is mastered.

 

I used Ursa Mastering... it was just $30/song. I got a deal through Hello Music. Thought I'd give it a shot since it was relatively inexpensive. I just purchased two more, so I'm having My Storm and Stained Glass Window mastered this week.

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oldgitplayer Newbie

oldgitplayer

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I used
... it was just $30/song. I got a deal through Hello Music. Thought I'd give it a shot since it was relatively inexpensive. I just purchased two more, so I'm having My Storm and Stained Glass Window mastered this week.

 

 

I just got back from their site a little 'wiser'. In my head, I've had Edit / Mix / Master all rolled up into one.

I thought that mastering went all the way back to the raw individual tracks and remixed them, maybe using less, more or different effects.

 

But despite that, $30 is still a tiny fee for service for what they have achieved.

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stickboymusic Newbie

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I had one of my songs mastered - Blue Melody. This was one of the songwriting challenges from Stickboy... where you picked a phrase from a book and wrote a song about it. I've enabled downloads... so go for it! Thanks to all who gave feedback.


 

 

I have just contacted a mastering place to have one of my tracks mastered after hearing this difference.

 

Its something that i have always just done (very basically) at home after recording but am very aware that it is an artform in itself

 

I am very much looking forward to hearing the results

 

This sounds great man!

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Chicken Monkey Newbie

Chicken Monkey

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Last night we played our first casino gig. It went really well--they have a "report card" they fill out on each band, and we got an "A", and the soundguy was starting sentences with, "Next time you're here...". The schedule was kind of weird--one hour sets split with 1/2 hour breaks--I think the idea is that we don't keep the patrons in the lounge for too long. "Casino gig" is kind of a significant signpost to legitimacy around here, so being able to name-drop this gig should boost our bookability. Pay was not crazy, but as good as our best bar gig, and we were able to play a half-dozen or so of our originals, made a personal connection with a few new fans who we've invited to an upcoming festival we're playing, and gave a card to a guy who hires a country band for an annual 4th of July picnic. Onward and upward.

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LCK Newbie

LCK

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Last night we played our first casino gig. It went really well--they have a "report card" they fill out on each band, and we got an "A", and the soundguy was starting sentences with, "Next time you're here...". The schedule was kind of weird--one hour sets split with 1/2 hour breaks--I think the idea is that we don't keep the patrons in the lounge for too long. "Casino gig" is kind of a significant signpost to legitimacy around here, so being able to name-drop this gig should boost our bookability. Pay was not crazy, but as good as our best bar gig, and we were able to play a half-dozen or so of our originals, made a personal connection with a few new fans who we've invited to an upcoming festival we're playing, and gave a card to a guy who hires a country band for an annual 4th of July picnic. Onward and upward.

 

 

Sounds great. Way to go!

 

LCK

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Chicken Monkey Newbie

Chicken Monkey

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I have just contacted a mastering place to have one of my tracks mastered after hearing this difference.


Its something that i have always just done (very basically) at home after recording but am very aware that it is an artform in itself


I am very much looking forward to hearing the results


This sounds great man!

 

 

I meant to ask you a while ago, but it was right after the forum went through a bit of a crack-down on off-topic and back-patting threads--if I wanted to get some stickboy music off iTunes, which would you recommend? Do you have a favorite of yours? Are there any you're embarrassed by now?

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