Guitar and boyfriend/girlfriend???

[Misha_yeah!]

* Mod: I think it is on-topic, but if it's not, just move the thread 'cause I don't want to offense anybody!

 

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You guys and girls... does your love for guitar(s) and your playing affect your relationship with your wife/husband/girlfriend/boyfriend as time goes by and as you're getting more aged...???

 

Did someone ever make you quit playing for a while or you just felt that you had to put this aside and you regretted it?

 

You can't play without making any noise with an acoustic... the electric may be more convenient for that, how do you do yourself?

 

How do you deal with it?

[missedmyexit]

It has caused some minor arguements in my relationship usually surround 3 main points.

 

1. Spending Money on guitars and owning multiple guitars. She simply doesn't understand it and I have lost the will to try explaining it.

 

2. "I got a head-ache" or I'm watching T.V. ect. ect. Basically she doesn't like dealing with me playing my guitar when she's around a lot.

 

3. "I'm bored lets do something" This line usually comes when we both have a day off and I sit to enjoy some guitar goodness. She has NO hobbies at all so if I play guitar she usually has nothing to do.. Suggesting that she might want to get a hobby has been proven to be the wrong way to tackle this one.

 

Granted all of the above doesn't put a really big strain on the relationship. Just brief spats and annoyance. As for "Did someone ever make me quit playing" I wouldn't even consider quitting guitar for anyone. If someone is so selfish they couldn't deal with a little guitar playing then there are bigger problems then the guitar going on.

[Dave W.]

Hi Misha,

 

Glad to see you back. I think a lot of it depends on age and maturity. I am 54 and have been with my wife for 25 years. We treat each other with respect and patience, usually, and that usually covers these sort of questions. Young love is not so forgiving. Best I can tell you is to look in your heart, it won't lie to you about what it see's, you head is a different subject. Looking back, I took too many things far too seriously.

[Krash]

 

"I'm bored lets do something" This line usually comes when we both have a day off and I sit to enjoy some guitar goodness. She has NO hobbies at all so if I play guitar she usually has nothing to do.

 

 

Been there. She's long gone, and I'm still playing.

 

 

Given a choice between the best woman and the worst guitar, I'll take the guitar.

 

 

Every time.

[Terry Allan Hall]

My ex-wife was always wanting me to quit and sell my gear (but when I got home from the gig, guess who had her hand out? )

 

My present wife loves for me to play for her, is cool with gear purchases (as long as we discuss them 1st), is always telling me of places she thinks I should try to get a booking at, and has pointed several clients in my direction.

 

I think that the trick is to find the right wife before you marry 'em.

[kwakatak]

 

It has caused some minor arguements in my relationship usually surround 3 main points. 1. Spending Money on guitars and owning multiple guitars. She simply doesn't understand it and I have lost the will to try explaining it. 2. "I got a head-ache" or I'm watching T.V. ect. ect. Basically she doesn't like dealing with me playing my guitar when she's around a lot. 3. "I'm bored lets do something" This line usually comes when we both have a day off and I sit to enjoy some guitar goodness. She has NO hobbies at all so if I play guitar she usually has nothing to do.. Suggesting that she might want to get a hobby has been proven to be the wrong way to tackle this one. Granted all of the above doesn't put a really big strain on the relationship. Just brief spats and annoyance. As for "Did someone ever make me quit playing" I wouldn't even consider quitting guitar for anyone. If someone is so selfish they couldn't deal with a little guitar playing then there are bigger problems then the guitar going on.

 

 

That pretty much sums up my home life too, except that I have kids that demand my undivided attention. Because of this I usually only gt to play a couple of hours of subdued acoustic fingerstyle (or the electric plugged into headphones) late at night, maybe a few minutes of strumming on the dread in the afternoon and only a couple of hours on the electric w/ amp every Wed night at church for praise band practice.

[daklander]

It's real simple. If your intended significant other doesn't like your music involvement it will always be a bone of contention.

It seems that when a person finds out you play guitar its', "wow! That's cool!". Then reality sets in when they realize how much time you spend on enjoying your guitar and their feelings are hurt.

There are few lucky people who's significant other has the same, or close to the same, love of music. The rest of us are lucky if we find someone who at least understands and can accept it. Many can't accept it however and feel like they are always going to be playing second fiddle. Those won't work as companions.

It's best to make sure you're up front about your commitment to the guitar. In reality you need to be up front about pretty much everything so there aren't any surprises as you get farther into the relationship. Same hold true for the other party. They also need to be up front about things.

So, say in your case, you find some guy you'd like to have as a boyfriend or husband later on. He thinks it's pretty cool that you play guitar but you don't make it clear how much it means to you. Well, he's going to be dis-appointed.

On the other hand, if he doesn't let you know that he thinks it's cool that you play guitar but doesn't want you to be too involved with it the relationship isn't going to work.

Look at it this way.

Do you want to waste some of your life on a person who was dishonest with you from the outset?

I wouldn't because I could never then know if my partner was being honest with me. The trust wouldn't be there and there is no relationship without trust.

[EDHGirl]

Everything's a question of balance. Personally I'm blessed because my husband and I work together so he's perfectly happy if I disappear into the den for an hour to practice. Gives him a little space, too.

 

If you've only got one day off together and you want to spend it half of it playing, then most significant others are going to end up feeling a little taken for granted, bored, and wondering what they see in you. Nobody likes to feel they're second to a piece of wood.

 

It's all going to end up as a great compromise or it's just going to end. She doesn't bitch about an hour a day and you don't try to stretch it to two.

 

But if somebody tried to tell me that they thought I should stop playing then I would dump them like a bad habit. Not because I love the guitar but because I don't take orders well.

[missedmyexit]

 

If you've only got one day off together and you want to spend it half of it playing, then most significant others are going to end up feeling a little taken for granted, bored, and wondering what they see in you. Nobody likes to feel they're second to a piece of wood.

 

 

This I understand but it all depends in context. I hate TV, and would gladly put down the guitar to do something together.. But if there is nothing particular to do that day and we are hanging in I tend to play my guitar. I still don't understand how watching TV in the same room is "Spending time together" but me playing guitar in the same room isn't.

[missedmyexit]

 

Personally I'm blessed because my husband and I work together.

 

 

That's a quote I'm sure you won't hear often.

[Misha_yeah!]

The fact that I'm 35 years old girl complicate things!

 

I know that it must be weird for a guy to see me wired with my amp and guitar... but that's the way it is...

 

A lot of people don't have a hobby which is something I don't understand! Life is so short! I think learning music is something that help us connect with all the generations, it brings us to socialise and maybe that is part of what the "other one" fears: our world doesn't gravitate striclty around our family, on the contrary (can we say that in english???), music is made to be shared and it takes more than one person to render it better live!

[Burningleaves]

Nope. In fact she buys me guitars.

[Michael Martin]

You guys and girls... does your love for guitar(s) and your playing affect your relationship with your wife/husband/girlfriend/boyfriend as time goes by and as you're getting more aged...???

My guitar playing (and songwriting) is one of the ways I deal with my relationship (its MANY dimensions)

Did someone ever make you quit playing for a while or you just felt that you had to put this aside and you regretted it?

Nobody could make me quit playing. I think I can say that is one thing I would never give up, not for anything or anybody. I certainly DO regret that I didn't play much at all for several years, after learning basic chords as a teenager--but that hiatus wasn't because of a relationship. I was just being negligent. Dereliction of duty.

You can't play without making any noise with an acoustic... the electric may be more convenient for that, how do you do yourself?

Yeah. That's a problem. My house isn't tiny, but there's no place to play loud while others are sleeping (wife+two teen daughters). I have dreams of making space in the detached garage (but where to put all the stuff that's in there?!)...so I play softly at night. Not good for developing good singing habits, but you make do.

How do you deal with it?

It's a balancing act. My relationship with my family is important too, so I create space for the things that matter most, and give up the stuff that isn't so important. For instance--I almost never watch TV. I like TV, but 6ish-9ishpm is family time (dinner, conversation, homework, occasional board games) and 9ish-12ish is guitar/songwriting time. Usually.

[Stackabones]

My ex-wife did not like it at all. Started gradually with "don't play today let's go do something" or "let's watch a movie with tonight"--but moved into a full-on try to get me to change careers thing. Meh. Divorce is bad, but not being able to play guitar is much worse.

[GothicLlama]

My ex-wife was always wanting me to quit and sell my gear (but when I got home from the gig, guess who had her hand out? ) My present wife loves for me to play for her, is cool with gear purchases (as long as we discuss them 1st), is always telling me of places she thinks I should try to get a booking at, and has pointed several clients in my direction. I think that the trick is to find the right wife before you marry 'em.

 

Listen to this man, He has it figured out.

 

I also have the perfect wife, she loves when I play for her, always encourages me to play. She even understands why I may need multiple guitars. I'm currently trying to teach her to play... slow going, but she is getting there.

[Michael Martin]

I know that it must be weird for a guy to see me wired with my amp and guitar... but that's the way it is...

"Weird to be wired"...I like that phrase...may I steal it?

on the contrary (can we say that in english???)

Au contraire! You just did!

music is made to be shared and it takes more than one person to render it better live!

Mais oui!

[smatel]

My ex-wife was always wanting me to quit and sell my gear (but when I got home from the gig, guess who had her hand out? ) My present wife loves for me to play for her, is cool with gear purchases (as long as we discuss them 1st), is always telling me of places she thinks I should try to get a booking at, and has pointed several clients in my direction. I think that the trick is to find the right wife before you marry 'em.

 

Yer cornicopia is truly flowing over. I'm very happy for you!

[Misha_yeah!]

Yes you can "borrow" my phrases, Mr Michael Martin!

 

By the way, Here in Quebec, Martin is a well known last name. It is pronounced differently in french. When I see that name, it makes me think that the person is french! ??? Are you? (Since you're so good in french!)

 

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I would like to be able to read the things I write in english with the eyes of an anglophone just to see how weird I might "sound", sometimes!

[Danox3]

This thread make me very sad, and very grateful at the same time.

 

My wonderful girlfriend, is a better guitarist than I am. She is ALWAYS bugging me to play with her, often spends more time in the guitar shops than I do, and is so supportive of the multiple bands I am in.

 

And her father owns 11 or so Acoustics, including a Martin D-28, Gibson Humming bird and a CL-5, a really nice Taylor, and few Fender, Yamaha, and Ovations.

 

I have spent time with women who were very cool to the idea of me being in a band at first (often how I usually met them), but the novelty to them wears off when band practice and other responsibilities interferes with "quality time".

 

So, I count my blessing every trip to Guitar Center, cept now she has her eye on a Breedlove Exodus (a $75,000 guitar)

 

Could be worse things.

[STEELSTRINGS]

As a single man accepting the fact that music is what I do, and will probably do more of as time goes on has become a pre requisite for continuing a relationship. My last girlfriend thought it was just a toy and I should put it away( wrong answer x10). The guitar is a part of me and what I do.

[WaveRay]

My wife of 5 years has always enjoyed singing and sang with me often. That didn't seem to satisfy, though. She has since picked up the mandolin and is now taking fiddle lessons. She is amazed she can do what she does and we keep each other motivated. We've been very lucky. I'VE been VERY lucky.

So, in short....no problems here.

[danger_boy_13]

 

3. "I'm bored lets do something" This line usually comes when we both have a day off and I sit to enjoy some guitar goodness. She has NO hobbies at all so if I play guitar she usually has nothing to do.. Suggesting that she might want to get a hobby has been proven to be the wrong way to tackle this one.

 

 

This has been an issue with my wife, not just with guitar but with other hobbies such as web programming and gaming. I finally got my wife to get a hobby (she scrapbooks and does some other crafty stuff since I went and bought her a bunch of supplies), so it has elated more or less, but now I have homework, so that has eliminated some of the free time.

[missedmyexit]

 

So, I count my blessing every trip to Guitar Center, cept now she has her eye on a Breedlove Exodus (a $75,000 guitar)

 

 

Tell me that was a typo.. a 75k guitar? I get GAS as bad as the next guy but unless the guitar channels Stevie Ray Vaughn into my fingers I can never see dropping that much cash on it.

[missedmyexit]

 

This has been an issue with my wife, not just with guitar but with other hobbies such as web programming and gaming. I finally got my wife to get a hobby (she scrapbooks and does some other crafty stuff since I went and bought her a bunch of supplies), so it has elated more or less, but now I have homework, so that has eliminated some of the free time.

 

 

I've tried and tried... If she said she wanted to dabble in serial killing at this point I might go out and buy her a map some gloves and a .45. Anything, my biggest pet peave in relationships is when my girlfriends confuses me with a entertainment director.

[Stackabones]

Anything, my biggest pet peave in relationships is when my girlfriends confuses me with a entertainment director.