Bubbles, another $99 geetar song

[LiveMusic]

I suppose it's folk. Please give me your critique, I need to know if you think it's worthy of going on my own Indie CD. (The song, not the recording; this is a rough demo.) Finally got around to recording it. Me and my $99 geetar again.

 

Bubbles

[drnihili]

Since you asked, it doesn't do anything for me. The metaphor (I assume you're alluding to Lawrence Welk) is an interesting idea, but just seems to sit there and not do much. I don't have any great ideas here, but I'd want the bubble theme expanded (bubbles in beer as he plays a gig? bubbles in champagne as he plays a wedding or gets married? blowing bubbles with his toddler?)

 

This critique is offered with the usual caveat that I couldn't produce anything half as good. But if I were looking to buy a cd, this song wouldn't sell it for me.

[LiveMusic]

Since you asked, it doesn't do anything for me. The metaphor (I assume you're alluding to Lawrence Welk) is an interesting idea, but just seems to sit there and not do much. I don't have any great ideas here, but I'd want the bubble theme expanded (bubbles in beer as he plays a gig? bubbles in champagne as he plays a wedding or gets married? blowing bubbles with his toddler?)

 

Wow, that's the last thing I thought anyone would say. The bubbles carrry the notes for the tunes. What else needs to happen?

 

I'm not married to the song at all. It's just a song, nothing earth-shattering. I really don't have a feel for how others will view it. If someone listens to hard rock, they'll hate it. It's a folk song.

 

Thanks for feedback.

[drnihili]

The bubbles carrry the notes for the tunes. What else needs to happen?

IMO you need to explain WHY the bubbles carry the notes. WHy is it bubbles and not birds? How does the fact that bubbles carry the notes make a difference to this kid and his development as a musician. Would his life have been any different if his mom hadn't talked about bubbles but had taken a more traditional approach to music education? Without this we don't understand the importance of the bubbles when he plays for his folks, what do the bubbles mean beyond just the notes? In the second stanza the boy says "the bubbles are helping". What are they helping and why? How did bubbles set the song free in the final stanza.

As a comparison, look at the role of wounded hands in Nickel Creek's "The Hand Song". We learn why wounded hands are important to the boy, how they impact and express his relationship with his mother, and how they eventually determine the course of his life. We learn why his wounded hands are important, why they're central to understanding his life, and to a certain extent why we should measure our own lives by the (metaphorical) wounds in our own hands. There are lots of other songs to compare to, "The Hand Song" is just the first that came to mind.

Just for background, most of what I listen to is folk in one version or other. I'm an academic by profession, so my analytic skills are far better than my creative ones (alas). It also means my tastes aren't very mainstream. So take my critique for what it's worth, which is just about what you paid for it.