Members LiveMusic Posted August 29, 2007 Members Posted August 29, 2007 I wrote this latest song over the past three days. I've never written a song like this. (I won't explain that so you won't be biased.) It's kind of folky, could go country. Sure would appreciate opinions. Survey (on page at end of lyric) only takes a few seconds. I'm a serious songwriter, so, HONEST opinions are appreciated. I can take it! BTW, I might re-record this in a lower key. I still haven't found the perfect key for me. I'm no crooner. One Word streaming audio.
Members Hudman Posted August 29, 2007 Members Posted August 29, 2007 I liked it. Is that a mandolin or are you using a capo on the higher frets?
Members LiveMusic Posted August 29, 2007 Author Members Posted August 29, 2007 It is Gsus4 tuning (DGCGCD) and I capo'd but don't remember where to. You're hearing the altered tuning. Doesn't that sound like a mandolin! I'm all over the neck and I think I had it on capo 1 and it became a bitch to try to play in the right spots since I'd get mixed up with the fret dots. (With time, muscle memory will kick in.) I just discovered this tuning a few days ago and wrote this song and now, today, I just wrote another one that is really working on me... I think it's good!
Members MattSkibaIsGOD Posted August 29, 2007 Members Posted August 29, 2007 I like everything but the chorus. It doesn't mesh with the feel of the verses.
Members LiveMusic Posted August 30, 2007 Author Members Posted August 30, 2007 I liked it.Is that a mandolin or are you using a capo on the higher frets? I just realized, I didn't quite answer you right. As I said in a followup post, it's altered tuning. But... the chorus... I am way the heck up there, like frets 12-14.
Members LiveMusic Posted August 30, 2007 Author Members Posted August 30, 2007 I like everything but the chorus. It doesn't mesh with the feel of the verses. I sure thank you for listening but what is a chorus supposed to be? I have always heard that if you can make the chorus sound somehow different from the verses, that's good. But I'll admit, this is a different type song for me. I don't have the voice to make the chorus shine, I almost always write for what the song speaks to me, not my voice. Which is limited. But I could hear a guy like Keith Urban just killing this tune.
Members MattSkibaIsGOD Posted August 30, 2007 Members Posted August 30, 2007 I sure thank you for listening but what is a chorus supposed to be? I have always heard that if you can make the chorus sound somehow different from the verses, that's good. But I'll admit, this is a different type song for me. I don't have the voice to make the chorus shine, I almost always write for what the song speaks to me, not my voice. Which is limited. But I could hear a guy like Keith Urban just killing this tune. I don't know, it IS different, but not attention grabbing like the verses. It's like the chorus to Iron Maiden's "Invaders."
Members LiveMusic Posted August 30, 2007 Author Members Posted August 30, 2007 I don't know, it IS different, but not attention grabbing like the verses. It's like the chorus to Iron Maiden's "Invaders." Okay, we'll just have to disagree. (I don't know the song you referenced.) My chorus vocal goes up an entire octave! And the guitar goes way up in pitch and has the hooky maj / sus thing going on. Beats me, songwriting is hard, I tried to accomplish the exact opposite of what you say is wrong with it. Doesn't mean you're wrong, just means I am confused.
Members MattSkibaIsGOD Posted August 30, 2007 Members Posted August 30, 2007 Okay, we'll just have to disagree. (I don't know the song you referenced.) My chorus vocal goes up an entire octave! And the guitar goes way up in pitch and has the hooky maj / sus thing going on. Beats me, songwriting is hard, I tried to accomplish the exact opposite of what you say is wrong with it. Doesn't mean you're wrong, just means I am confused. It certainly doesn't mean you're wrong. The only thing that matters is how you feel about the song. I was just voicing my opinion of it. If you like the song, it's a good song in my book.
Members brahmz118 Posted August 30, 2007 Members Posted August 30, 2007 Okay, we'll just have to disagree. (I don't know the song you referenced.) My chorus vocal goes up an entire octave! And the guitar goes way up in pitch and has the hooky maj / sus thing going on. Beats me, songwriting is hard, I tried to accomplish the exact opposite of what you say is wrong with it. Doesn't mean you're wrong, just means I am confused. I think you're on to something here -- the chorus would stand out more if it went higher than the verse, but it doesn't go into the next octave as you say. The high note you hit on 'love' in the chorus is the exact same note you hit on 'such a short, simple' and 'one teeny tiny' in the verse. But I don't feel let down by the chorus. I like the long sustained 'love.' The song doesn't need a Celine Dion glory note there. Some vocal harmony might sound nice though. I think the verses are really beautiful -- melody, singing, and guitar.
Members missedmyexit Posted August 30, 2007 Members Posted August 30, 2007 I like everything but the chorus. It doesn't mesh with the feel of the verses. I too liked the verses and the guitar throughout. The Singing melody on the Chorus really didn't do it for me.
Members LiveMusic Posted August 30, 2007 Author Members Posted August 30, 2007 I think you're on to something here -- the chorus would stand out more if it went higher than the verse, but it doesn't go into the next octave as you say. The high note you hit on 'love' in the chorus is the exact same note you hit on 'such a short, simple' and 'one teeny tiny' in the verse. My bad. I should have said that from the note at the end of the vesre -- like on "where" in "everywhere," it rises an octave for the sustained high note in "love." I have rarely written a song where the chorus doesn't go to the 4 or 5 chord or SOMEthing different in the progression. But this one just seemed begging for a sustained "love" note. I am no crooner, so, this chorus is a stretch for me. I usually try to make the chorus sound different in some way. On this, it's also the guitar chords... I move up 7 frets in the chorus. And the structure of the phrases in the chorus is totally different from the verses. It's definitely a folky song but, to me, I could also hear it as an uptempo country song. Then again, I don't know if it works. I've had people say they don't like it and I've had people say they love it. The problem is, alot of people cannot hear a good song if you don't have an impressive demo. Which this is not. I just had a guy on another forum say that the song is unlistenable due to the too-busy guitar, TOO MUCH GUITAR is way too distracting to listen to, he said. I'm scratching my head on that one. Haha, I was so proud of my guitar work and he's bashing hell out of it. I'm not at all married to the way it is. I think the song has some potential, I just have to get it right. It's very new, only a few days old, it might take me awhile to get settled on it. There have been a million songs written about love; I was surprised this even came to me... to use the "one word" idea. This is also a departure for me in that the title of the song is not hammered home in the chorus. It does occur there but the word "love" with the 3-note slide becomes a hook in and of itself, answering the "one word" concept. I dunno, I'm not 100% but I kinda like this song. I was trying to come up with something that would be a good sing-along closer for acoustic concerts. Many of my songs are honky-tonkish, this is quite a stretch.
Members missedmyexit Posted August 30, 2007 Members Posted August 30, 2007 The problem is, alot of people cannot hear a good song if you don't have an impressive demo. Which this is not.I just had a guy on another forum say that the song is unlistenable due to the too-busy guitar, TOO MUCH GUITAR is way too distracting to listen to, he said. I'm scratching my head on that one. Haha, I was so proud of my guitar work and he's bashing hell out of it. I thought the quality of the recording was pretty damn good. The guitar work I thought went well with your singing style. You aren't belting out Aretha style vocal runs which would be too busy over that guitar. Like I said the chorus was the only thing that was 'ify' to me. None of the songs you have written were in the style of music I like but I would like to think I open minded to listen to something outside my vocal range and have an idea weather I think it's good within the context of the style of song. I liked the past songs you posted more then this one. Maybe part of it is I relate your style and singing with more of the 'story' lyrics.
Members drnihili Posted August 30, 2007 Members Posted August 30, 2007 I like it. It struck me as sappy at first but the music managed to change that impression. I understand the criticisms of the chorus, but I think they could easily be addressed in a band context by changing the balance of instrumentation. I don't think it's an issue with the song per se. I'd say this is one of your best that I've heard.
Members missedmyexit Posted August 30, 2007 Members Posted August 30, 2007 I like it.It struck me as sappy at first but the music managed to change that impression. I understand the criticisms of the chorus, but I think they could easily be addressed in a band context by changing the balance of instrumentation. I don't think it's an issue with the song per se.I'd say this is one of your best that I've heard. I have scraped many a song because I can't manage to write a would be 'love song' without including enough sap to make you weep for mercy. My particular gift has always been what the guys in the band referred to as "Die B**ch Die" songs. I seem to be able to belt out many a song when pissed. I blame my girlfriend for my current bout of writers block. Have many riffs.... No words... She just doesn't do enough to get me really pissed off Damn her! I suppose there's worst problems to have.
Members lauren Posted August 31, 2007 Members Posted August 31, 2007 Why is it love has to hurt to bring out the troubador? I have scraped many a song because I can't manage to write a would be 'love song' without including enough sap to make you weep for mercy. My particular gift has always been what the guys in the band referred to as "Die B**ch Die" songs. I seem to be able to belt out many a song when pissed. I blame my girlfriend for my current bout of writers block. Have many riffs.... No words... She just doesn't do enough to get me really pissed off Damn her! I suppose there's worst problems to have.
Members lauren Posted August 31, 2007 Members Posted August 31, 2007 I love it LiveMusic. You have it all, great song, great voice and fab playing, very Bert Jansch.
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