What are your opinions of my Bio...??

[underground66]

Hey guys,

This forum rocks by the way. I have had so many questions answered by looking through past threads I couldn't count them all. A big thanks to all the log time contributors!!!

 

So, I've rewritten my Bio because my last one came off as pretentious...well, I was trying to be funny but it didn't work..ahh well...I am a writer but I guess I'm finding it difficult to write about myself (band) in the third person and make it interesting...anyway, here is my rewrite...I'm trying to use this to create an image that can be marketed to different areas not like my own..

Lemme know what you think...all the info there?..do you get a feel for the band?...spare me Nothing!! Thanks guys!!

 

 

Undergound66 is a piercing Northern assault born out of the industrial sludge of their small Ontario town. Their sound has been called, “factory rock with a poet’s soul”. Queens of the Stone Age, Tool, Rush, and The Kings of Leon have all been cited as influences in their work.

 

All four members, (Christopher McGruer - lead vocalist, Shay Morris - guitar, Brodie McGruer - bass, Ed Morrow – drums) are intensely focused individuals who are all in their thirties and work with the purpose to write original songs, record those songs, and play those songs in front of a live audience

 

Formed in its complete line up since 2008, Underground66 has been playing out in bars and clubs all over southern Ontario, including, The Harb, Owen Sound, Legendary Red Rooster, Burlington, The Juliana Bar & Grill, London, Gables in the Bend, Grand Bend, Kathedral and The Opera House , Toronto, and many other smaller bars and venues.

As well, Underground66’s song, ‘You’re a Lush (but we love you) has received play on 94.5 The Bull’s show, 100% Beaver. 94.5 The Bull and Underground66 also teamed up to produce the benefit concert, Rock the Sanctuary, for Owen Sounds Homeless shelter in August 2009 at the historic Roxy Theatre in Owen Sound.

 

Underground66’s self titled CD will be available for download through Itunes, Rhapsody, Napster, Amazon MP3 and many more online stores. Hardcopy CDs will be available online through Bandcamp.

 

Underground66 looks forward to ripping into 2010.

 

All tracks on CD recorded by Paul Farrow at ‘Avenue A Recording’ in Owen Sound. All tracks produced by Paul Farrow and Underground66.

 

 

More info can be had by calling Christopher McGruer at (519) 371-9203 or e-mailing underground66rocks@gmail.com

[sabriel9v]

Hey guys, This forum rocks by the way. I have had so many questions answered by looking through past threads I couldn't count them all. A big thanks to all the log time contributors!!! So, I've rewritten my Bio because my last one came off as pretentious...well, I was trying to be funny but it didn't work..ahh well...I am a writer but I guess I'm finding it difficult to write about myself (band) in the third person and make it interesting...anyway, here is my rewrite...I'm trying to use this to create an image that can be marketed to different areas not like my own.. Lemme know what you think...all the info there?..do you get a feel for the band?...spare me Nothing!! Thanks guys!! Undergound66 is a piercing Northern assault born out of the industrial sludge of their small Ontario town. Their sound has been called, “factory rock with a poet’s soul”. Queens of the Stone Age, Tool, Rush, and The Kings of Leon have all been cited as influences in their work. All four members, (Christopher McGruer - lead vocalist, Shay Morris - guitar, Brodie McGruer - bass, Ed Morrow – drums) are intensely focused individuals who are all in their thirties and work with the purpose to write original songs, record those songs, and play those songs in front of a live audience Formed in its complete line up since 2008, Underground66 has been playing out in bars and clubs all over southern Ontario, including, The Harb, Owen Sound, Legendary Red Rooster, Burlington, The Juliana Bar & Grill, London, Gables in the Bend, Grand Bend, Kathedral and The Opera House , Toronto, and many other smaller bars and venues. As well, Underground66’s song, ‘You’re a Lush (but we love you) has received play on 94.5 The Bull’s show, 100% Beaver. 94.5 The Bull and Underground66 also teamed up to produce the benefit concert, Rock the Sanctuary, for Owen Sounds Homeless shelter in August 2009 at the historic Roxy Theatre in Owen Sound. Underground66’s self titled CD will be available for download through Itunes, Rhapsody, Napster, Amazon MP3 and many more online stores. Hardcopy CDs will be available online through Bandcamp. Underground66 looks forward to ripping into 2010. All tracks on CD recorded by Paul Farrow at ‘Avenue A Recording’ in Owen Sound. All tracks produced by Paul Farrow and Underground66. More info can be had by calling Christopher McGruer at (519) 371-9203 or e-mailing underground66rocks@gmail.com

 

1) Northern should be northern

 

2) All the bands you listed are completely different, what do you guys really sound like? I used to compare my old band to Volta and a bunch of other experimental bands. That was bull{censored}, we sounded like Incubus and Glassjaw.

 

3) As well should be in addition

 

4) Self titled can be self-titled

 

5) Underground66 looks forward to performing in 2010 and not ripping

 

Anyway, thats just my opinion. Hope it works out for you man

[Dancebass]

 

Formed in its complete line up

 

 

Just being objective, I'm ok with more than most of it. I don't care for the opening band discription, "piercing Northern assault" do you remember the thrash band Overkill from the eighties? That's who that passage reminds me of, it may be a little on the extreme side for what you're doing. Also the word "piercing" so early in the bio put me in a negative frame of mind.

 

The other part that didn't hit me right is "formed in it's complete line up". I'm a grammatical dumb ass, but that just reads bad to me. I don't know if it's grammatically correct or not. It just twists me all up reading it.

 

The rest had a good flow. No probs.

[AwayEam]

That was bull{censored}, we sounded like Incubus and Glassjaw.

 

HEY BRO

 

 

Did you also sound like Britney Spears and Cradle of Filth?

 

:poke:

[Toto99]

Maybe don't mention the fact that you're all in your thirties. Not that I think that there's anything with your age group, but I don't see the need to mention it in your bio. Why is it necessary for the reader to know how old you are?

[sabriel9v]

HEY BRO Did you also sound like Britney Spears and Cradle of Filth? :poke:

 

No, we really did sound like Incubus and Glassjaw

 

 

www.myspace.com/beatrixkiddomusic

[BlueStrat]

It's a little clumsy. Let me take a stab at editing it; I'll post the original and then my edit.

Undergound66 is a piercing Northern assault born out of the industrial sludge of their small Ontario town. Their sound has been called, “factory rock with a poet’s soul”. Queens of the Stone Age, Tool, Rush, and The Kings of Leon have all been cited as influences in their work. All four members, (Christopher McGruer - lead vocalist, Shay Morris - guitar, Brodie McGruer - bass, Ed Morrow – drums) are intensely focused individuals who are all in their thirties and work with the purpose to write original songs, record those songs, and play those songs in front of a live audience Formed in its complete line up since 2008, Underground66 has been playing out in bars and clubs all over southern Ontario, including, The Harb, Owen Sound, Legendary Red Rooster, Burlington, The Juliana Bar & Grill, London, Gables in the Bend, Grand Bend, Kathedral and The Opera House , Toronto, and many other smaller bars and venues. As well, Underground66’s song, ‘You’re a Lush (but we love you) has received play on 94.5 The Bull’s show, 100% Beaver. 94.5 The Bull and Underground66 also teamed up to produce the benefit concert, Rock the Sanctuary, for Owen Sounds Homeless shelter in August 2009 at the historic Roxy Theatre in Owen Sound. Underground66’s self titled CD will be available for download through Itunes, Rhapsody, Napster, Amazon MP3 and many more online stores. Hardcopy CDs will be available online through Bandcamp. Underground66 looks forward to ripping into 2010. All tracks on CD recorded by Paul Farrow at ‘Avenue A Recording’ in Owen Sound. All tracks produced by Paul Farrow and Underground66. More info can be had by calling Christopher McGruer at (519) 371-9203 or e-mailing underground66rocks@gmail.com

 

 

 

Undergound66 is a 4 piece rock band born out of the industrial sludge of their small Ontario town. Their sound has been called “factory rock with a poet’s soul”, and count style elements of Queens of the Stone Age, Tool, Rush, and The Kings of Leon as influences for their work.

 

All four members, (Christopher McGruer - lead vocalist, Shay Morris - guitar, Brodie McGruer - bass, Ed Morrow – drums) are intensely focused individuals but work as one writing and recording their own songs, and performing them at every opportunity.

 

Formed in its current line up in early 2008, Underground66 has been tearing it up in bars and clubs all over southern Ontario, including, The Harb, Owen Sound, Legendary Red Rooster, Burlington, The Juliana Bar & Grill, London, Gables in the Bend, Grand Bend, Kathedral and The Opera House , Toronto, and many other smaller bars and venues.

 

Underground66’s song, ‘You’re a Lush (but we love you)" has received airplay on 94.5 The Bull’s show, 100% Beaver. The Bull and Underground66 also teamed up to produce a benefit concert, Rock the Sanctuary, for Owen Sounds Homeless shelter in August 2009 at the historic Roxy Theatre in Owen Sound.

 

Underground66’s self titled CD will be available for download through Itunes, Rhapsody, Napster, Amazon MP3 and many more online stores. Hardcopy CDs will be available online through Bandcamp.

 

Underground66 looks forward to raising a roof near you!

 

For booking info, Christopher McGruer at (519) 371-9203 or e-mailing underground66rocks@gmail.com

All tracks on CD recorded by Paul Farrow at ‘Avenue A Recording’ in Owen Sound. All tracks produced by Paul Farrow and Underground66.

 

[daddymack]

I might not put the names of the clubs in, save that for the resume. I also agree to leaving out your ages. What matters is the music, not the age of the players...it could work against you. Now for that 'current line-up' thing...meh...I would say (unless you have been switching members alot) 'The current line-up has been steadily performing in a variety of venues across southern Ontario since 2008 to rave reviews (you do have some reviews...yes?).

Next: "Underground66’s song, ‘You’re a Lush (but we love you)" has received airplay on 94.5 The Bull’s show, 100% Beaver. The Bull and Underground66 also teamed up to produce a benefit concert, Rock the Sanctuary,"

 

Try: Underground66’s song, ‘You’re a Lush (but we love you)' has received airplay on 94.5; Underground66 and 94.5 on-air personality The Bull also teamed to produce a benefit concert, Rock the Sanctuary....

[AwayEam]

No, we really did sound like Incubus and Glassjaw www.myspace.com/beatrixkiddomusic

 

HEY BRO

 

Alright, I'll give it to you

 

I was just trying to picture a cross between "Stuck Pig" and "Drive". Or "Siberian Kiss" and "I Miss You"

 

Sounds like you also had better musicians than Glassjaw. I love them, but bless their hearts, they just can't play very well

[AwayEam]

Underground66 looks forward to raising a roof near you!

 

HEY BROSTRAT

 

Come on... you're better than this.

 

[BlueStrat]

I suck.

[AwayEam]

I suck.

 

HEY BROSTRAT

 

Don't get too down on yourself, now. You know that if I stopped criticizing you, it would just mean I had given up on you :poke:

 

But all seriousness aside, I like your version of the bio.

 

The only changes I might make are to the list of band members (plus a missing comma right after):

 

Undergound66 is a 4 piece rock band born out of the industrial sludge of their small Ontario town. Their sound has been called “factory rock with a poet’s soul”, and count style elements of Queens of the Stone Age, Tool, Rush, and The Kings of Leon as influences for their work.

 

Underground66 consists of:

 

...and the venue list. The names of the cities are getting mixed up in the venue names. The Kathedral and Opera House are both in Toronto, but from the list I'd think only the Opera House was, or that "Toronto" is the name of another venue.

 

Bullet lists aren't the most formal constructs, but they're much easier to read than a big ol' jumble of a sentence. They could help out the bio a lot.

[sabriel9v]

HEY BRO Alright, I'll give it to you I was just trying to picture a cross between "Stuck Pig" and "Drive". Or "Siberian Kiss" and "I Miss You" Sounds like you also had better musicians than Glassjaw. I love them, but bless their hearts, they just can't play very well

 

Glassjaw was great for what they did. If it got any more technical, they'd be Fall of Troy

[BlueStrat]

HEY BROSTRAT Don't get too down on yourself, now. You know that if I stopped criticizing you, it would just mean I had given up on you :poke: But all seriousness aside, I like your version of the bio. The only changes I might make are to the list of band members (plus a missing comma right after): ...and the venue list. The names of the cities are getting mixed up in the venue names. The Kathedral and Opera House are both in Toronto, but from the list I'd think only the Opera House was, or that "Toronto" is the name of another venue. Bullet lists aren't the most formal constructs, but they're much easier to read than a big ol' jumble of a sentence. They could help out the bio a lot.

 

Good ideas right here.

[paulz]

I like the general direction of Bluestrat's rewrite - it reads a little more simply or maybe just more direct.

I say try a couple of rerwites where you just try to simplify some of it

 

Personally, I'm not too crazy about "intensely focused individuals" -- but that's a personal thing, I don't think it's flat out wrong or anything -- for me, it's just something that's a given, every band trying to get the job would say that about themselves anyway and sounds buzzwordy or overly descriptive that can happen with these sorts of things (adjective-itis)

but I can see other people not feeling that way

[underground66]

Thanks for the responses, guys!!

 

Well, I pretty much agree with everything that's been said...(Cheers for the total rewrite Bluestrat!!)

 

Yeah, I see what you mean about the

piercing 'Northern Assault

I was trying to go for an image, not the one that was conjured up though...

 

Maybe don't mention the fact that you're all in your thirties.

I'd read somewhere that you were supposed to put ages in a bio?? I'll take 'em out though, never did like doing that..

 

"intensely focused..blah blah..."

yeah, I'm gonna cut that 'Show don't tell as they say.."

 

I might not put the names of the clubs in, save that for the resume

The clubs I might leave in...I'll expand in the resume, but those are kinda 'name' clubs in these here parts and other club owners will recognize that right away..

 

As for the list of bands we sound like, it's funny, I only actually listen to The Kings of Leon, really...the rest are acts we were told we sounded like by other people...I've been told I sound like Maynard from Tool and Geddy lee from Rush...That's funny, cause I don't like those guys ha ha (well, Maynards all right) ...(both bands, Tool, Rush, are my guitarists and drummers (natch!!) favourite bands)

All the bands you listed are completely different, what do you guys really sound like? I used to compare my old band to Volta and a bunch of other experimental bands. That was bull{censored}, we sounded like Incubus and Glassjaw.

I know it's diverse, but hey, sabriel9v, if you can tell us what we do sound like, I'll put it in there!! Because I cannot Tell!! (forest for the trees at this point!!!)

 

Thanks a ton guys, I'll do a rewrite on the suggestions and post it back up so you can have a look!!!

[Matximus]

Looks better.