how to kill your band

[pippyman]

This was on Reddit this morning:

 

http://workingthrough.com/blog/233-how-to-kill-your-band

 

I’ve noticed there are a lot of ways to destroy a band. I thought it would be helpful to compile a list of different ways to make a band fail, so people who are seeking failure can destroy their bands more efficiently. This is a first pass at an authoritative reference. Please add your own as a comment.

 

1. Don’t talk about what you really want to accomplish. This way everyone can assume their goals are the only goals and they can rage at how stupid everyone else is for doing things that serve different goals.

2. Get in a band with people you don’t actually like or respect, but who have something you need.

3. Don’t let anyone make any decisions without everyone agreeing.

4. When there are problems, just hope they’ll go away.

5. Wait until you are making some real money — THEN talk about how it should be divided.

6. Tell everyone the band is an egalitarian democracy, with everyone getting an equal say in things — never mind the band was really formed by two people who expect everyone to respect that it’s really “their” band.

7. Pretend you don’t care about money, but expect to have total time, freedom and equipment to make art.

8. Expect people to be totally committed to a band that they don’t have any ownership in.

9. Haze the new guy.

10. Sneer at people who have experience & knowledge you don’t have.

11. Come to business meetings drunk/high.

12. Act like the things you do are the important part and crap all over the people who do other things. If you line up the gigs, act like everyone is working for you. If someone else lines up the gigs, accuse them of being a suit. And so forth.

13. You are a natural-born artist, so improving your musical chops and studying with an experienced teacher is beneath you.

14. Never thank people who help you.

15. If someone takes on responsibility within your band, go on a paranoid rampage about them being power-hungry.

16. Listening to other artists and styles shows you’re not committed to your kind of music.

17. Being considerate is for losers.

18. Rehearsing is for hacks. Rehearsals are for playing through everything straight-through like it’s a performance.

19. Never ask for help.

20. Don’t bring up disagreements at band meetings. Fume about them and then later talk to the one or two people who agree with you, or better yet your romantic partner.

21. Don’t take responsibility, but gripe about the transportation/ venues / hotels/ food/ audience/ studio etc.

22. Explode when someone offers constructive criticism.

23. Offer phony “constructive criticism” that is really just an attack on someone you are afraid is better than you or someone who you happen to be annoyed with at the moment.

24. Nothing is your fault.

25. They can fix it in post-production. Whatever it is.

26. Only listen to people who think you’re great.

27. Any idea that’s not yours sucks.

28. Never give anybody a second chance.

29. Humiliate people whenever you get the chance.

30. Anybody who makes more money than you is a sellout. Anybody who makes less money than you is a loser.

31. …. (to be continued)

[darkstriker]

#3, 4, 6 and 10 work. At least when put together. Been there, done that =\

[Screaming Stone]

11. Come to business meetings drunk/high.

 

Best advice I ever heard from a musician was Billy Corgan "It's a job like any other job."

 

Too bad it took years for Chamberlin to get it.

[intellectsucks]

If a member of the band is working full time and paying most of the bands expenses but has less time than the other members for practice and booking, accuse them of not being dedicated enough and demand they put in more time.

[chevybusa]

Man, all of those ring so true...unfortuntately I think there are SO many things that can destroy a band that a list of all of them would be endless...

[yenerich]

Other common problems are the parents or girlfriends of the other members of the band.

If you take your band as a competition inside the band (you try to be more than other memebers of your band) or 'make noise' with relationships (girl friends, parents, etc), your band with crash very soon.

[sabriel9v]

 

11. Come to business meetings drunk/high. Best advice I ever heard from a musician was Billy Corgan "It's a job like any other job." Too bad it took years for Chamberlin to get it.

 

 

I think Chamberlain understand it was a job...he just didnt give a {censored}. Mr. Brownstone just fascinated him more.

[boxorox]

Never ask band members for help. Tell them what to do.

[hateCOBHCcrew]

Don't be open for any outside influences in your band because they aren't exactly the same sound as what you're going for.

[dooshbag]

Bands are often a huge waste of time...and playing with a buzz is half the fun.

[boxorox]

I've found bad whiskey and smallpox infected blankets work like a champ.