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Jeez, I need to get a life...


kwakatak

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... very few of my friends and family know that I've had the guts to get up and play in front of people.

 

First there was my aunt who was surprised that I play and sing at church and at open mics, even though she and her son were two of my earliest influences/inspirations. I've yet to get the guts to forward her URLs to my Youtube/putfile stuff, but I did show them to my mom who was similarly in the dark.

 

Then something else happened this weekend that has me feeling a little more secure in my musical abilities. My wife and I went out with some mutual friends to a local Irish pub to see a band play some Irish tunes. Most of our friends had heard that I play but had never seen me do so until they dared me to go up on stage during the intermission. I must admit that I accepted the dare grudgingly and played a couple of tunes with less than my full effort (nerves, an unfamiliarity with anothers' gear and cotton mouth from two Guinness will do that to you) but I didn't expect to get so much praise.

 

I have to admit that it helped my ego a bit, but at the same time I was kind of uncomfortable about it. I know, "then why'd you get up on the stage" you ask? Well, because then I'd have to face all the merciless "chicken{censored}" comments, you see. Still, I've been making an effort to hone my skills just so that I have something to feel good about and slowly I've been getting the urge to play in front of actual people. In fact, I've been doing just that for over a year now but it was always in front of strangers. There was always some strange fear of playing in front of friends though.

 

Anybody else ever been an "in the closet" sort of player like this? Do I need to get a real life or go on prozac or something? :freak:

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Kinda, sorta, yes and no. My family knows I play guitar and they have all listened to me many times. My kid sister (13 years my junior) is here visiting for the holiday and she has always liked to listen to me play. But, entertaining isn't my schtick. Playing guitar is. In other words, I find my entertainment playing guitar for myself and don't necessarily care to share that at the same level with others, if that makes sense to you. That others like to hear my playing (family included) is not why I play.

 

There are times I will play open mic gigs and have fairly recently with upcoming events I've been asked to do. The opportunities are there but my desire to entertain is seldom in sync with them. When I think open mic/gig I think of the chore of gear dragging and the inconvenience of it more than playing guitar for people. There is no glamor or reward for me to play for folks. I'm just not entertained by entertaining. When I do it's with a big sigh, sucking it up, and giving it the due it deserves. You know what? Today I did some major electrical mods on my house and that was far more entertaining to me than playing guitar for people, to give you perspective.

 

 

So, I wouldn't say that playing guitar is synonymous with entertaining people .

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Neil, it sounds to me like you're right on track. Until you've been doing it for awhile, performing is just a bit nerve wracking. Seems like all of us go through that "I'm not quite ready for this yet" stage.

 

I think it's great that you got up there and played, in spite of having downed a couple of Guinness.

 

The one thing I'd like to see you do, though, is get to where you enjoy putting forth your music to everyone. That's when you become an entertainer in addition to being a player.

 

You know, I'm always a bag of nerves until the nanosecond I walk on the stage. Then suddenly it's like a bonfire lights up inside me and I'm ready to put forth everything I've got, connect with those people out there and try to get 'em to have a good time. I'm projecting a lot of myself at that point, not just the music.

 

I hope somewhere along the way you'll feel that way, too, but if it doesn't happen for you, that's okay. Not every skilled guitarist or singer is cut out to be an entertainer. Just do what you enjoy the most, what makes you feel best inside. And believe me, it ain't gonna take Prozac or Xanax to achieve that.

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Cotton mouth after only TWO Guinness?

Jaysus man of course you need to get out more! :lol:

 

Seriously though I suspect that there is a cycle that you need to get linked into.

At the moment it may seem to a bit like playing down a long hollow cardboard tube - not very exciting.

 

When you start to sense a connection with, and feedback from, your audiences I think it may generate a synergy and atmosphere which will energise and reward your playing. You've got the talent, and I think some degree of hunger for the performance arena is an almost inevitable consequence of that.

 

Go for it... but at your own pace :thu:

 

fwiw ymmv etc

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Playing live in front of strangers is a very different kettle of fish, and all of the practicing in one's room is not going to prepare one for the moment of performance. It's just different when you actually get to the gig, get up on stage, and look into the eyes of the audience. :eek: My advice it to start performing as soon as possible. Playing live is like learning to play all over again--it takes some time, some getting used to, and if you want to be a performer you need to start this process early.

 

Now, not to say that private practice makes no difference--far from it. Only a warning that musical chops ad performance chops are two different things, and proficiency in the one doesn't guarantee proficiency in the other.

 

The point is to realize one's life as a musician. Many people--myself included, please note--will practice and practice and practice in preparation for an unveiling of sorts, and this keeps them in a fantasy of being a performer--it's something they imagine doing, not something they do. I think about this a lot, because part of the problem is that there are few opportunities to realize one's music in public. We need more open mics, more afternoon and early evening and family friendly bar music opportunities.

 

Kwakatak, you stepped over the line, and this will always feel uncomfortable at first. Keep going! :thu: Get aggressive about performing. Soon it will seem comfortable, something you just do. Part of who you are! :cool:

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Kwak, like everyone has said, keep it going.

 

I don't think I was ever a closet player. Once I learned a bunch of songs, my family loved to hear me play. Practically every occasion, birthdays, Mothers Day, whatever, my mom would get me to play. To the point where I knew I was going to play and I'd prepare a mental list of songs, and even learn new ones, in preparation for the inevitable.

 

As I got a little older, the guy who really had a hand in my development as a player, and I, would go down to the beach and play on summer nights. Primarily to get out and play, secondarily to pick up chaquitas.

 

Both experiences always resulted in, what Greymuzzle referred to as, a connection with the audience. There's was always a positive response. I absolutely loved it.

 

I then advanced to play a couple of talent contests in a bar (once by myself, another with my mentor) and that really lit the fire. I didn't play as well by myself because of nerves, but the second time with my buddy was better and neither time ever dampened my desire to play out more.

 

Then life took over. I got married and my buddy and I kind of went our separate ways. I've since divorced and moved from So. Cal to SA, married again and have kids. But the desire is still there. Since moving to San Antonio, my wife and I were asked to go to a karaoke bar once. The light went on and it wasn't long before I had the menu of songs in front of me. I did Candle in the Wind. A little nervous at first, but with a decent response, I got comfortable. That was cool.

 

Buying a new guitar recently has rekindled my desire to play for others again. My problem now is finding an avenue to do so. In lieu of performing, I'm putting together a little recording setup so I can record myself for others to hear. I hope to have something soon. In the meantime, I just need to find the right connections so I can feed my desire.

 

I guess I was fortunate enough to have enough support early on to get me over any fears. I was certainly nervous at that first talent contest, but the reaction and the experience made the second performance that much easier. Maybe being "in the closet" has kept you from that support, I don't know. All I can do is relate my experiences.

 

If you really have the desire, keep at it. I envy your opportunity and would have loved to have been there. I like your playing and singing from what you've shown us so far.

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Not yet, but close...

 

At 46, I've been at since September of '07. This Monday will be one year of serious fingerstyle lessons. I play/practice about 2 hours everyday. Missed three days the whole year:facepalm:

 

This Thanksgiving I spruced up my guitar area locate in a corner of our large living room and got ready to play Christmas music just in case the freinds and family were receptive to a little music.

 

After dinner I sat down and started to play a few fingerstyle Christmas tunes. One guest was a pianist and really enjoyed what she heard. My brother-in-law heard me some months back was similarily immpressed. I found out later from my wife the pianist told her I was about three years ahead of schedule...:eek:

 

Yea, I got the guts and really enjoy playing guitar. If others enjoy hearing it, that's a bonus for me. I don't mind public speaking and do so often. Perhaps the big jump to public musician is near? I really need to memorize my stuff though. Might be a little strange pulling out sheet music on a "dare"...

 

Nicely done Kwak..

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Sounds like you've got a life and are about to make it more fun. I first played for people in 1974. Scare to death. I'm still nervous about it. Hours of pacing, checking and rechecking gear. I sometimes get nauseous before new unknown venues. And I hate playing for family. That said, I don't know how to say that getting onstage and making people happy is a rush that makes it worth it. Like Samilyn says, once you get onstage it's better.

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I find it much easier to play in front of strangers. the risk of failure is not as great. I'm still trying to get beyond this.

I think I could play before friends & relatives in the living room, but I don't like to have family & friends at public performances. I feel embarrassed for them when I mess it up. Just writing this is an acknowledgment of my own insecurities and neuroses.

geeze, I need to see a shrink.:facepalm:

or get some beta blockers.:idea:

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A little trick to being on stage is when you get up there, look slightly over everyone's head and don't make eye contact with anyone at first. Once you're warmed up, it gets easier to connect with the audience. It also helps to develop a little chit-chat routine, something trivial, like how you first came to play the song, or some such thing. I even joke about some of my train wrecks.

 

Huge venues are super easy because the lights are so blinding. I could never really make out an individual, so it never mattered that there were 10,000 people out there, nor if they were applauding me or the band or the damn blimp in the sky.....LOL

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I've taught safety and technical procedures to hundreds at a time. Every one of them a heckler. I love the limelight and the rush of public speaking, acting, teaching etc. I am MORTIFIED of playing music. Sicko! Out of control throwin' up wacked out askeert!!! I feel the breakthrough coming though. Maybe by the time I'm ninety I'll be ready. In the meantime it's for my enjoyment and creative energy.

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I've got to say something that seems like a paradox. If there's an entertainer in someone there will be a damn the torpedos sense of self that lives loudly in them. It won't matter what the medium is. I'm trying to figure out why there's a struggle with this.

 

We play guitar. Does that mean we can, or should, use that medium to entertain someone other than ourselves, with due respect to the VOMs and the Annex, or is it something that insidiously creeps into our psyches once we reach a certain skill set that slow-burns like an untreated reflux condition?

 

My point is when a certain adeptness with a guitar has been reached, and the person acquiring such skill is not deep down an entertainer, why grapple with that truth? Should a doctor in a medical research facility be attributed a good patient bedside manner? Is it fame, glamor, or simply a desire to be something more?

 

 

Is it a perception that playing music and using it to entertain are mutually inseparable? Is it a desire to showcase what we can do? The only thing about music I've always wanted to do with anyone else is collaborate in making it. I've had a couple happy moments with that. Mind you, I have nothing at all against entertaining or showcasing. You got it and want to flaunt it. That's great. There's always an audience ready and in my experience very accepting and courteous. A few hecklers will always be there but otherwise it's an altogether benign experience. But, again, if there's no entertainer in you why struggle with it?

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I've got to say something that seems like a paradox. If there's an entertainer in someone there will be a damn the torpedos sense of self that lives loudly in them. It won't matter what the medium is. I'm trying to figure out why there's a struggle with this.


We play guitar. Does that mean we can, or should, use that medium to entertain someone other than ourselves, with due respect to the VOMs and the Annex, or is it something that insidiously creeps into our psyches once we reach a certain skill set that slow-burns like an untreated reflux condition?


My point is when a certain adeptness with a guitar has been reached, and the person acquiring such skill is not deep down an entertainer, why grapple with that truth? Should a doctor in a medical research facility be attributed a good patient bedside manner? Is it fame, glamor, or simply a desire to be something more?



Is it a perception that playing music and using it to entertain are mutually inseparable? Is it a desire to showcase what we can do? The only thing about music I've always wanted to do with anyone else is collaborate in making it. I've had a couple happy moments with that. Mind you, I have nothing at all against entertaining or showcasing. You got it and want to flaunt it. That's great. There's always an audience ready and in my experience very accepting and courteous. A few hecklers will always be there but otherwise it's an altogether benign experience. But, again, if there's no entertainer in you why struggle with it?

 

That's a very interesting observation.

 

With me, it's like I have a split personality. Backstage before a performance, I'm myself - very reserved, wanting to be left alone. But the minute I step out in front of the lights, another person emerges. I've always called it "performer mode". Once the show is finished, I'm exhausted, yet still kind of high, and always amazed by the amount of energy that I've put forth, even for a low-key ambience-type gig.

 

About an hour later, I'm back to myself and wanting to be left alone, which made it difficult to get through after-gig parties or publicity stuff that followed a big gig. Again, I'd go back into "performer mode" only as an actress instead of a vocalist, and somehow make it through another few hours.

 

I sure can't put my finger on what turns a player into an entertainer. I know when I was a kid, I did it because a grownup said "go sing" and I loved the music and loved singing, so I did what I was told to do and somehow it all seemed easy. Maybe that early conditioning is what makes entertaining feel natural to me 40 years later. :idk: Go figure.

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I've got to say something that seems like a paradox. If there's an entertainer in someone there will be a damn the torpedos sense of self that lives loudly in them. It won't matter what the medium is. I'm trying to figure out why there's a struggle with this.


We play guitar. Does that mean we can, or should, use that medium to entertain someone other than ourselves, with due respect to the VOMs and the Annex, or is it something that insidiously creeps into our psyches once we reach a certain skill set that slow-burns like an untreated reflux condition?


My point is when a certain adeptness with a guitar has been reached, and the person acquiring such skill is not deep down an entertainer, why grapple with that truth? Should a doctor in a medical research facility be attributed a good patient bedside manner? Is it fame, glamor, or simply a desire to be something more?



Is it a perception that playing music and using it to entertain are mutually inseparable? Is it a desire to showcase what we can do? The only thing about music I've always wanted to do with anyone else is collaborate in making it. I've had a couple happy moments with that. Mind you, I have nothing at all against entertaining or showcasing. You got it and want to flaunt it. That's great. There's always an audience ready and in my experience very accepting and courteous. A few hecklers will always be there but otherwise it's an altogether benign experience. But, again, if there's no entertainer in you why struggle with it?

I like your points and thinking on this. The thing that puzzles me is that I am an entertainer. In the huge corporation where I used to work, I was called on to make presentations for the engineering department (even outside of my field) because I have the skills to keep it interesting. Odd. I just don't think I have the skills necessary to play music at the same time. A paradox, as you said. Michael Martin though, posted a couple of years ago how he went about it. I'm not gonna look it up but basically it was about little steps. Neil's comments are the same. I'm in the process of working with my church to start those baby steps. In high school I was lead singer in a rock band, but I did not play at the same time. That's my problem. I just don't trust me to get it right enough for me.

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That's my problem. I just don't trust me to get it right enough for me.

 

 

I think that's the biggest problem most people have, not trusting themselves to put forth a perfect performance. Hard for a lot of people to forget about perfection and just do what you like to do. Learning to ad-lib helps a lot, too.

 

I've been through enough train-wrecks to know that (a) a little humor goes a long, long way toward salvaging the situation and...

(b) to not let it rattle my chain. I just fall back on a song that I can do in my sleep and get on with the show.

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I hear ya Neil. No, it doesn't seem to be odd to me as I am very similar albeit, I have yet to belly up the guts to perform on my own as you have done.

 

I had a couple of experiences with playing in public, one not too long ago when I was asked by a friend to stand in for an injured back up guitarist. It was nothing of any real substance, small bar, small town band, and I just played background rythem. I didn't have to open my mouth and had the ability to fade back into a corner of the stage. As a friend noted, "Joe I do believe if you had a long enough cord, you would have sat in one of the booths off-stage". - He was right about that. :lol:

 

Playing with others as in a jam, or as in the previous example, along with a band is one thing. Playing on your own where it's "all you" is a horse of a whole other color.

 

So no, I do not think your feelings are off the beaten track at all.

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... Still, I've been making an effort to hone my skills just so that I have something to feel good about and slowly I've been getting the urge to play in front of actual people. In fact, I've been doing just that for over a year now but it was always in front of strangers. There was always some strange fear of playing in front of friends though.


Anybody else ever been an "in the closet" sort of player like this? Do I need to get a real life or go on prozac or something?
:freak:

 

Consider yourself fortunate that you have something you feel is worthy to play in front of strangers or friends.

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Consider yourself fortunate that you have something you feel is worthy to play in front of strangers
or
friends.

 

 

When one considers how many people out there can't make music with any instrument at all, even the simplest songs are worthy of playing for friends and family and yes, in some cases, strangers.

 

Just have to get out of the mindset that something has to be difficult and played expertly before one is worthy.

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My problem is a little different, Kwak. I'm firmly convinced the audience does'nt comprehend much of anything they hear. Unless it's a familiar tune. For that, they applaud.


One would think that with such an outlook, stagefright would'nt be a problem.

 

 

I warm up the audience with covers and a bit of chit-chat. Once I have a connection with them, the original material usually goes over quite well.

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