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I needed a chuckle today, so I'll share it...

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  • I needed a chuckle today, so I'll share it...

    A young guy from Idaho moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.

    The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"

    The kid says "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in Idaho ."

    Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job.

    "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

    His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor.

    "How many customers bought something from you today?" The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, "One".

    The boss says "Just one?!!? Our sales people average sales to 20 to 30 customers a day. That will have to change, and soon, if you'd like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida . One sale a day might have been acceptable in Idaho, but you're not on the farm anymore, son."

    The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes, so the boss felt kind of bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked (semi-sarcastically), "So, how much was your one sale for?"

    The kid looks up at his boss and says "$101,237.65."

    The boss, astonished, says "$101,237.65?!? What the heck did you sell?"

    The kid says, "Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."

    The boss said "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a TRUCK!?"

    The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing!"

    "We are currently experiencing some technical difficulties due to reality fluctuations. The elves are working tirelessly to patch the correct version of reality. Activities here have been temporarily disabled since the fundamentals of mathematics, physics and reason may be incomprehensible during this indeterminate period of instability. Normal service will be restored once we are certain as to what 'normal' is."

    Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally used up and worn out, shouting ', what a ride!'

    "The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively" ~Bob Marley

    Solipsism is the new empiricism. -Alan Burdick

  • #2
    Panda walks into a bar. Panda asks the bartender "do you know where I can get any action?" Bartender points to a prostitute sitting at the end of the bar.

    Panda walks over, strikes up a conversation and he and the girl leave to go back to her apartment. They have sex, she falls asleep and he gets up and goes home.

    The prostitute wakes up and is pissed that he didn't pay her, so she finds out where the panda lives and goes over and knocks on his door. When he answers the girl says "you didn't pay me last night."

    Panda asks, "why should I pay you?

    She says, "because I'm a prostitute".

    Panda asks "what's that?" She says "look it up." So he goes back and gets his dictionary and looks up "prostitute". It says "has sex for money".

    He says "I'm not paying you." She asks "why not?" He says "because I'm a panda". She asks "what's that?" He hands her the dictionary. She looks up "panda."

    It says "eats bush and leaves".
    Donald Trump: "There is no longer a Nuclear Threat from North Korea."

    RobRoy: "There is an "honest grit" to his lying."